Juggling bedtime for two - How does anyone do it?!

[No1warnedme]

I need help!

I have a wonderful 2.11 dd who has an established bedtime routine.. (times are approx)
6pm dinner finished
6 - 6.30 quiet play (puzzles, bead threading, etc.), cbeebies bedtime hour, stories
6.30 - 6.50 bathroom to get ready for bed. We bath every other night but it doesn't take that long.
6.50 - 7 into bedroom to get dressed for bed. Story and song
7pm Lights off and door closed.

I also have a 10 week old ds who is definitely starting to need a proper bedtime (instead of napping until the 10pm feed when I go to bed) and can tell the difference between day and night (or is starting to).

I am conscious of the fact that I say goodnight to my dd with ds on me in the sling. Sometimes he's asleep, sometimes awake. Sometimes screaming and ruining a peaceful bedtime for my dd

I should add that I usually am alone for bedtime. Dh doesn't get home until 6.55 at the earliest, which means that occasionally he gets here just in time to read dd a bedtime story or sing her a song.

I am a self-confessed control freak and like routine. This juggling of bedtime is stressing me out and I just can't figure out the logistics. We have had a couple of occasions where I have managed to put ds down and then take my dd to bed, but I just can't seem to organise myself properly. I'm also scared of trying in case it doesn't work and I get frustrated.

Please share your pearls of wisdom - actual logistical help required!

p.s: Not sure whether relevant, but dd's room is in the loft, so we're not all on one level making it a bit more tricky.

Bath ds2 whilst ds1 watches tv. Ds1 in bath whilst get ds2 ready for bed. Feed ds2 in ds1's room whilst reading stories. Say goodnight to ds1 and take ds2 to his room to carry on feeding.

Ds1 is 3.7 and ds2 is 9 months.

Can you bath them both together, put grobag / sleep suits for the baby in dd's room, do story and song then take the baby to bed?

I would carry on tbh as at 10 weeks baby should be sleeping in the same room as you anyway in the eve and at night.

What you could do is feed baby whilst eldest is in bath. Then sit/ hold baby whilst you read to eldest and take baby downstairs and settle in Moses basket/ on rug/ wherever they sleep in living room.

That way it's easier as they grow as you can carry on doing reading to both, saying goodnight to eldest then taking younger child to own bed once old enough

Bath together - Dd2 out & dressed for bed, play on bathroom floor while DD1 hairwash etc. Feed Dd2 while reading stories to dd1 take dd2 to bed, DD1 toothbrush and into bed for special mummy time talking/song/tent/rock paper scissors. Say goodnight to dd1 & downstairs around 7:30.
It has to be fluid though.
DD1 4.3, Dd2 7 months

The baby just has to go where you are, by the sounds of it either that or put your older one to bed as soon as dh gets in and can hold the baby, or he puts the eldest to bed when he gets home? So does she not see him at all in the evenings during the week? Can you put her bedtime forward by half an hour?

Experience: I had a toddler and newborn while DH worked away during the week, until the youngest was 2. Then after the 3rd was born he was rarely home for bathtimes, but usually just in time to tuck one or the other of them into bed,or hold the baby while I put the older ones to bed. If he wasn't home I just did the older ones first and the baby came with me, lay on the bed or floor or breastfeeding while we did songs/stories etc. Not fun, but its a stage that's over sooner than you think, and I have as many fond memories of lovely bedtimes as I do of the ones where more than one child screamed or cried

And yes I always bathed them together, baby first usually, then dried and dressed baby in bathroom while toddler played in the bath.

I remember having similar issues when my two were similar ages. DD seemed to save up her crying for around that time in the evening too, when she was tired but not quite ready to go to sleep. To be honest we sort of fumbled through, sometimes DC1 didn't have a very relaxing bedtime, sometimes it was a bit rushed, sometimes he stayed up until DP got home because I just couldn't put DD down to do anything. I'm a bit of a control freak and it stressed me out, but that period won't last long. It won't be long until your DS gradually gets himself into more of a routine and is old enough to look at the book while you're reading to DD.

Thank you everyone I think my biggest issue is that I feel like my ds 'should' be put to bed before my dd while he can't join in on the story or song.. or really appreciate it. I'm also a bit fed up of lugging him around the house and up and down various flights of stairs! And he's only going to get bigger and heavier!
In my favour, my dd is amazing with him. She's nurturing and patient, and doesn't get frustrated when he takes my attention away from her. Not sure how long this might last...

I will try having a 'joint' bedtime in my dd's room and hope that it remains peaceful.

We did a similar thing to other posters - joint bath, then prep DC2 for bed while DC1 brushes teeth (our bathroom is next to DC2's room), then take DC2 in PJs into DC1's room for storytime and goodnight kisses and cuddles. Then when DC2 was still sleeping in our room, I just took her downstairs with me until I went to bed. Now she's 13 months, I take her to her own room for milk and then into her cot. DC1 is capable of getting himself off to sleep so I don't see a problem with him getting into bed a few minutes earlier than DC2. It wouldn't work the other way round!

It is normally far more practical to put the elder one to bed and then settle the baby.

We did joint bath. Baby into clothes in bathroom. Big ones dressed in room with baby on floor. Feed during story. Settle baby.

If it is really tough couldn't bedtime be 15 minutes later or your DH get in 15 minutes earlier?

I'll be honest. It's a nightmare! If I have to do if alone I brush teeth and then take them out in the pushchair and sling till they go to sleep. Can't do it at home.

What is DS2 like at 7pm? I used to leave DC2 downstairs in the Moses basket whilst I did Dc1 bath and sometimes left during bedtime story too. It did mean occasionally Dc2 was left to grumble cry for 10mins whilst DS got a quickly read bedtime story but needs must when I was doing solo-bedtimes with a hard to settle Dc1. 10 weeks is still very small, I would not to stress if DC2 is going to bed after your DC1. It won't be long before they either have a shared bedtime (which is what I do now - far easier) or your DC2 is able to be put down first.

I do bedtime on my own a couple of times a week with 2.9 dd and 4 month dd2.
We don't have bath as part of bedtime routine.
Dd1 into jammies at 7pm. Dd2 into jammies while dd1 chooses books and we sing songs to dd2.
Dd1 stories while dd2 has tummy time or stories with us.
Dd1 lights out by 7.30.
Dd2, milk and into bed by 8pm awake with light show thing.

Doesn't always work out that wAy as dd2 is a terrible feeder. She also really needs to go to bed earlier as she's over tired by 7.30 but I can't fit her last feed in earlier so we just need to go with it.