Normal 12 year old's?

[sweetpop]

My 12 year old daughter will not look after herself at all, she won't comb or brush her hair and screams at the top of her voice like a 2 year old when I do it, she won't bath unless I really really go on at her and even then she has a bath twice a week max. She refuses to get a shower as she doesnt like the water going in her face and when I pointed out to her that she was starting to smell she told me she would get a strip wash, I watched her through the crack of the door and she put a sponge under the water, dabbed a bit of soap on and wiped it on her face once on each side, once under each arm pit and once over her privates, all with the same bit of water, soap and sponge. I was fuming. She often goes to school with her hair messy and greasy, her teeth are going all yellow and she is horribly spotty but won't use anything for it. She is even getting spots on her privates and groin area.

Surely this can't be normal?

Sweetpop, there's lots of info on the 'teenagers' section. Can't do link but scroll down messages and there's one called 'smelly and childish 13 yr old' and other problems similar to yours.

You don't seem to like her very much.

i think that children who can't be bothered are using the "can't be bothered" mentality as a form of social identity.

social identity seems to be pretty big - a teen needs to know itsniche - its place what strata it fits into.

my 17 year old has gone from ( self professed) chav ( townie) to rock god iron maiden rule over the last year.

my 13 yo is an Emo fringe over eyes - bit gothic but likes pink too much

they have created their own image.

now, i truly believe this is whaty our daughters doing.

you need to help her - she has low self esteem and has lost her place.

i dont care if she is butt ugly and as fat as the michelin man ( which she prob isn't) she will love money spent on clothes, make up cosmetics, shoes, pampering, smelly gift sets ( loads now its xmas time)

help her create her image - tell her your willing to spend the money but shes got to hold up her end of the bargain and have a shower at least twice a week.

if you haven't got the money - save it up. she needs it.

sit down and discuss her preferred style - what miche is she wanting to fit into. does she want to be a townie, rock chic, emo.....

this also goes with keeping own space tidy and manageable - so make a certain day - tidy your room day. this also helps with studying and teenage morbid thoughts

Custy you are doing nothing to uphold your tough image on here you know! My ds is clothes crazy but I still have to frogmarch him to the shower He would NEVER just have a shower without me telling him

i agree my son is like that spotty, have to tell himt o put deoderant on - but wrong as it is to say this - its just socially unacceptable for a girl and shes going to have a terrible life at school.

shes prob in 1st year of senior school - a good hair cut some oxy spot stuff and a bazzin' coat and some lip gloss and maybe things will be easier - superficial? - yes it is.

I have tried with her, I took her to the body shop and told her she could have anything she wanted, she chose some perfume £10 a bottle...I bought it and she's never used it. I offered to take her to buy some new clothes and she kicks off saying she doesnt want any, she prefers to walk around in a scruffy crazy frog t-shirt that I bought for £2 last year. She wouldn't even stay in the sports shop with me whilst I bought her some trainers, she kicked off crying etc because she didn't want any trainers with laces as she cant be bothered to learn how to tie them .

I have told her she can have her hair cut, she's not bothered, when I take her she sits in the chair and says she "isnt bothered" what she gets done so I have to tell the hairdresser to do "the usual" which is a basic trim. Last year I got the hairdresser to give her a "jenifer aniston" style cut which she did and it looked lovely but it never stayed like that as she refused to have it brushed properly when we got home, will not allow a hairdryer to be used or anything like that so when it's washed (about twice a week) it just gets left to dry messy with no style to it at all.

She doesnt have many friends at all, she's overweight and walks with a limp due to the pressure of weight on her legs and the kids at school have been taking the piss out of her. She made one friend, the first friend she'd ever had and it turned out that she was only using her for her dinner money . The night all this came out I found her sat in her room in the dark just sat on her bed listening to sad music, I was heartbroken for her.

IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE IS DEPRESSED, MY HEART GOES OUT TO HER I HATE SEEING KIDS UNHAPPY.
COULD SHE NOT SEE A SOMEONE PROFFESIONAL, MAYBE SHE WOULD TALK TO THEM.
MY DAUGHTER IS 12 SO IF SHE WOULD LIKE A COMPUTER BUDDY I AM SURE MY DAUGHTER WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY.
LET ME KNOW.

Ive just started a new thread with the whole story thanks for the replies on this one. bridetobe, thanks for the offer but she won't speak to anyone on the pc, I've tried with her cousins etc. All she ever wants to do on the pc is download pictures of the crazy frog etc.

WOULD SHE NOT LIKE A PENPAL?

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