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One to one time with each child

16 replies

puddle · 12/11/2006 21:25

oooooh, have had a bit of a weekend of it with ds (6.5) where he has been pushing every boundary and being pretty horrid to his sister (4) - anyway have come to the conclusion (after a cuddly chat tonight with him about it all at bedtime)that he especially is suffering from a lack of one to one time with me.

Do you do this? How do you fit it in? Dd starts to create when she feels left out (part of the overall problem I know) and they go to bed more or less at the same time as they both need a similar amount of sleep.

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tortoiseshell · 12/11/2006 21:27

In theory I have one to one time with baby in morning when dd is at playgroup, dd in afternoon when baby is asleep and ds1 when he gets home from school. Ha. I have never managed it yet! But I think is good in theory.

porpoise · 12/11/2006 21:30

Puddle, do your ds and dd do any clubs/afterschool things?
Because that's quite a good way to do the one-to-one thing: while one's dancing/playing footies (or whatever), you have a 'special time' with the other (even if you're sitting on a touchline).

7up · 12/11/2006 21:32

i find this really difficult with a toddler and a near teenager, both boys.

my eldest misses his mums attention, so when were not arguing i try and chat to him and we dump toddler on a sunday morning so i can take him to footie.

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Original poster
puddle · 12/11/2006 21:32

Yes porpoise dd does ballet but dh takes her and then has time with ds then (I'm at work).

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bigdipper · 12/11/2006 21:33

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porpoise · 12/11/2006 21:36

It doesn't have to be long, puddle. Five minutes is fine.
Could ds have a slightly later bedtime?

Original poster
puddle · 12/11/2006 21:39

Bigdipper - it should be much easier with just two shouldn't it?!

I think we have got into the habit of not differentiating enough between the two of them. For example ds stays up on a sat to watch Robin Hood and dd does too - partly because she makes so much fuss if she's excluded. But he would never have been allowed to do that at 4.

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Original poster
puddle · 12/11/2006 21:46

porpoise he does sometimes go a bit later but he has extra reading time so tends to spend it reading.

I think I need to have a special thing I do with him - no idea what though

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porpoise · 12/11/2006 21:50

Do you have a dog that you could walk together?
Or does dd have a special TV programme that ds thinks is a bit babyish? That could be your chance...

bigdipper · 12/11/2006 21:52

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puddle · 12/11/2006 21:54

They share a room so she knows damn well he's not gone to bed!

I think I need to do something about separate bedtimes.

Don't think I can row back on Robin hood at this point - dd loves it (especially marion)

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porpoise · 12/11/2006 21:58

Ds1 (8) and ds2 (6) share a room. Ds1 gets to go to bed 30 mins later - he has a clock and he sits on the stairs and reads (his choice).
But it makes him feel very special.
I think it can be rubbish being the oldest a lot of the time. You don't get away with nearly so much.
I reckon this kind of redresses the balance a bit...

EmmyLou · 12/11/2006 22:36

Yes, it can be hard.

I have 3 DDs - 11, 7 and 3 and dh working abroad since mid september. DD1 really needs some 'grown-up' time with her mum - shopping, going for lunch etc maybe even cinema etc. But can't see it happening.

She was taken by her friend and her mum shopping this afternoon which was great for her and she came back really pleased with what she bought. But I did feel a little twinge that it would have been nice for me to have taken her.

They have staggered betimes so they all get about half an hour in the evening when they know they have first call on my time. DD3 has bedtime stories, dd2 often does too - or may chose to play a game, and dd3 occasionally has me read to her or watches TV, but often calls upon me for help with homework.

swedishmum · 13/11/2006 01:28

EmmyLou, my situation's quite like yours. I have 4 children - nearly 13, 10, 9 and 2. My dh also works abroad a lot. I try really hard to spend time with them alone but it often goes wrong. There just aren't enough hours to be fair to everyone.

oldnewmummy · 13/11/2006 06:48

One of my fondest memories as a child was getting to stay up late to watch "Within these walls" with my mum! We'd have coffee made of milk (rather than just splashed in the top, IYSWIM) and if my dad was on the late shift he'd bring back chips, and it was a big secret "don't tell (sister)". Great.

Could explain why I'm so fat though [rufeul emoticon]

EmmyLou · 13/11/2006 21:37

Swedishmum - you're right, there aren't enough hours to be fair to everyone kids, dog AND yourself.

My hour of pilates is my most treasured 'possession' - a guarranteed hour of one to one with myself.

I'd like to put but i get tired of putting on a jolly face so I'll put .

Its been one of those week-ends.

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