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Original poster

How "criminal" would it be for me to be on holiday on dd's first birthday?

77 replies

MrsFogi · 10/11/2006 19:36

I've been looking at the dates for my return to work and trying to work out when dh and I could go skiing (he really needs a holiday as he's been snowed under at work and hasn't had a holiday for about 1.5 years) and the only week that is feasible (because of my return date and when it is low season i.e. when we can afford it) would be the week when dd is 1! I am really torn as part of me thinks this is an occasion we should not miss etc etc and the other part of me thinks that dd will not notice anyway and dh could do with a break etc etc. Any views?

OP posts:

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Gillian76 · 10/11/2006 21:19

Why can't you all go on holiday together, in the summer?

You'll have plenty of time for ski-ing when she's left home!

Saturn74 · 10/11/2006 21:20

Oops, sorry! Misread the OP.

You've got a DD, not a DS.

PanicPants · 10/11/2006 21:20

I personally wouldn't go on holiday without my 1 year old, whether or not it's their birthday. Can't you go on a holiday and take her with you?

It doesn't have to be skiing.

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marymillington · 10/11/2006 21:28

I think the important thing is how you will feel on the day itself, not how you may feel 5/10/25 years into the future (I suspect that won't bother anyone very much, not really).

Elibean · 10/11/2006 21:30

Wouldn't do it myself, 'cos I wouldn't want to go on holiday without dd anyway. Not judging that, just can't imagine wanting to do it.

But I'd also wonder how she'd feel about it in the future, knowing her Mum was on holiday without her when the first anniversary of her birth was happening...she won't care now, but later??

Elibean · 10/11/2006 21:32

'criminal' doesn't come into it, though.

Clary · 10/11/2006 21:32

I think it's all about how you feel, as obv DD won't know/notice.

I personally wouldn't have wanted to leave any of mine for a week at age 1 (or now for that matter) but if you are happy about it, it's hardly crime of the century.

curlew · 10/11/2006 22:34

why not go somewhere like Lanzarote that's warm and you can take her. Stay in a posh hotel with babysitters and have some lovely evenings with you DP and lovely days on the beach with dd.

curlew · 10/11/2006 22:52

I can recommend the perfect hotel if you like!

shhhh · 11/11/2006 16:06

There is no way I would or could do it...I would hate dd to look back in years to come at pictures or even to find out that mummy and daddy were away having a break on her 1st birthday.. IMO somethings are to important to miss.......You can have a holiday someother time BUT you can never repeat a 1st birthday...even if you celebrate it earlier or later.

DD had a cake and gifts on her midweek birthday BUT also had a small party at the weekend allowing friends to join us....

shhhh · 11/11/2006 16:08

also I couldn't bear the thought of being away from dd now aged 17 months let alone aged 1 year.!!

zookeeper · 11/11/2006 17:11

go and enjoy! she won't know and it won't make you less of a mum, maybe a better one for having had the break.

lindac · 11/11/2006 17:24

no your dd wont know, and you may feel ok with this at the time, but believe me they grow up so fast And believe me i know ! my eldest is 21 and i wouldnt have missed any of thier birthdays for anything ,i think you will regret this later on , when you relize just what a big event her first birthday was and you wasnt there,personaly its something i wouldnt do, but i hope you get it all sorted

zookeeper · 11/11/2006 17:32

I've never thought to ask if my nother was at my first birthday and I can't imagine holding it against her if she had gone on holiday - she looked after me and loved me for the other 364 days of the year as I'm sure you do your dd.

PanicPants · 11/11/2006 22:13

Can't believe someone has suggested it would make you a better mum to go away and leave your baby at home for a week while you had a holiday

Maybe a night or a weekend I could understand, but to go away for a week, on your child's first birthday, just for a holiday, I just don't understand. Especially when you can easily go somewhere as a family.

Maybe your child won't know or care about the birthday, but she will notice you're not there for a whole week, you will feel guilty and probably not enjoy yourself as much as you think you will, and what will other people (like family) think about it?

Whooooosh · 11/11/2006 22:26

Go and enjoy!
As long as it won't emotioally scar you-dd will be fine and really not give a monkey's arse whether you are there or not.

It's the celebration which matters,not the actual day if we talk about "looking back" and with a midweek birthday it is bound to be at a weekend.

Don't beat yourself up-if you feel fine about ti then go-doesn't matter what anyone else would or wouldn't do.

spinamum · 11/11/2006 22:36

not criminal. We actually moved DS's first birthday to the day after our wedding so that my family could be there to celebrate it with us and then had another cake "just the 3 of us" on the actual tuesday 16 days later. I don't think the photo thing is an issue. The main first birthday photos we've got show him at eleven months,one week and 5days,surrounded by family and a cake made by our wedding cake person, so he knows we celebrated his birthday! Moving a party isn't the issue is it?

However as mentioned before, you can't underestimate how soppy you'll feel about your anniversary as a mum!
It's a tough one. You and DH deserve a holiday but I wouldn't be able to not be with my DC on their birthday(especially the first) and I'm not particularly soppy!

The majority of responses seem to be leaning one way and I wish I could give you an alternative outlook so that if deep down you've decided to go you could feel Ok about it, but my experiances lead me to believe otherwise!

Enjoy whatever you decide.

boyboyboy · 11/11/2006 22:46

Can you honestly imagine being out on the ski slope on the day and enjoying it? If you can then you should. Also are you considering going for you or your DH? Really important to be clear in your own mind.

Gobbledispook · 11/11/2006 22:49

I wouldn't.

I wouldn't dream of even going on holiday without my 1 year old, birthday or not, but that's just me.

Pitchounette · 12/11/2006 14:00

Message withdrawn

tribpot · 12/11/2006 14:06

It's entirely up to you obviously but since you've asked for opinions, I personally would not do it. As others have said, I wouldn't go on holiday without my ds at any time of the year, but even less so on his birthday.

If you decide to do it, hope you enjoy it.

WideWebWitch · 12/11/2006 14:16

Go! I absolutely agree that it's the one year when she 100% will not know it's her birthday and so it doesn't matter whether you're there or not. My view on a first birthday is that it's one for the parents to congratulate themselves on making it through the first year and drink Champagne and it doesn't really matter about the baby, they haven't a clue! I don't think dd even got a present from us on her first. And your mum has agreed to have her so she'll be well looked after.

And now you have a child future holidays won't be holidays as you know them, they will be childcare somewhere different which are lovely in a lot of ways (I like being with my children mostly), but they're not the relaxing break this holiday sounds like.

btw dd is three this month and although we'll be there on the day we'll be away the following weekend for 2 nights as it's our wedding anniversary. If we hadn't been I was going to lie and pretend her birthday was on Sat but ds (who's 9) was so against it I have agreed that we will tell her when it's her actual birthday. And I know this is the last year I'll get away with this (even thinking about lying about the day)!

trying2bgood · 12/11/2006 14:41

I had to laugh when I read your title, because my MIL went on holiday during my dh's first birthday and left him with an au pair! That was over 30 years ago but she still gets looks when she mentions it to others. And yes when she first told me I was shocked (I bring it up if she is critical of my parenting skills so it has its uses!!!) but now I have two kiddies I don't think that is it any worse than going away at any other time without them? I think you may regret it yourself later but i don't think it is criminal!

lorina · 12/11/2006 14:45

She might not know whats going on this year, but when she's older she will know what you did. It might well come back to haunt you.

I wouldnt do it.

izzybiz · 12/11/2006 17:07

Im not one of those mums who disagrees with leaving their children for hols etc, but i personally would never ever miss any birthday 1st,2nd, 25th!

Especially when youu dont have to go.
I agree with the have a dirty weekend somewhere, got to be more fun than skiing anyway!!

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