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Original poster

How "criminal" would it be for me to be on holiday on dd's first birthday?

77 replies

MrsFogi · 10/11/2006 19:36

I've been looking at the dates for my return to work and trying to work out when dh and I could go skiing (he really needs a holiday as he's been snowed under at work and hasn't had a holiday for about 1.5 years) and the only week that is feasible (because of my return date and when it is low season i.e. when we can afford it) would be the week when dd is 1! I am really torn as part of me thinks this is an occasion we should not miss etc etc and the other part of me thinks that dd will not notice anyway and dh could do with a break etc etc. Any views?

OP posts:

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pesme · 10/11/2006 19:59

okay, how many of us have looked at pictures of our first birthday. maybe i am a weirdo being no. 4 and all but i never have even thought about this. and i don't think i would care if my parents had been skiing, in fact i would have been quite impressed.

ilovecaboose · 10/11/2006 19:59

MOve it and celebrate it on another day. If it was any other birthday I wouldn't be sure but for their 1st she isn't gonna know.

I missed all of ds 1st birthday as was at uni before he woke and got home after he went to bed. HE didn't know.

Wouldn't see it as a problem. Be prepared to feel bad yourself though.

PrincessPeaHead · 10/11/2006 19:59

happymum, they'd be nuts to celebrate it when they aren't there, they'd celebrate it early/late!

Like I generally still do with the younger ones - not much fun having a birthday if you are 2 and all your older siblings are at school all day (out of the house from 7.30 to 5.00 in our case)- we just move the whole thing to the nearest saturday and then it becomes a big family special-all-day fest.

Am I the only one that does this??

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Cappuccino · 10/11/2006 19:59

when I look back at dd's 1st birthday photos... I think... oh look, there she is in the front room again. But this time there are cards.

I'd go. She won't notice. You needn't feel guilty. Think of it as your trip away to celebrate keeping her alive for a year. You did all the work.

HappyMumof2 · 10/11/2006 20:00

Message withdrawn

hamstermunker · 10/11/2006 20:00

I get all "aww, this time last year/two years ago" on birthdays - wouldn't feel right FOR ME to not have a 1yo to cuddle the first time I thought of the anniversary of their birth [sentimental]

But it's up to you - how will YOU feel? If you aren't like me (ie mad), you'll probably be fine

foxinsocks · 10/11/2006 20:01

we do that sometimes PPH, especially if dh is away for work (and coming back within a week or so of the date)

Gillian76 · 10/11/2006 20:02

You are obviously considering it if you are asking the question.

If you were the type to be wracked with guilt for the rest of your life you'd dismiss it out of hand.

I wouldn't go on holiday without my 1 year old and wouldn't dream of missing their birthday. But that is me. You obviously feel differently.

Do what feels comfortable to you.

PrincessPeaHead · 10/11/2006 20:03

phew foxy, was beginning to feel wickedwitchy.
happymum - whatever floats your boat I guess, but "underhand" is a funny way of putting it!

foxinsocks · 10/11/2006 20:04

yes but HMO2, at age 1, they have no concept of underhand and sneaky!!

moondog · 10/11/2006 20:04

God,I would-take the skiing holiday that is.

Fogi,if it makes you feel any better,dh has missed all of dd's b/days (except her birth) as he has been abroad for most of the last six years.

We celebrate when he returns and are all fine about it.

Oh,he has missed ds's actual birth and both of his birthdays as well.

Similarly are unstricken with guilt.

Being a good parent is about how you are 365 day of the year,not just on one of 'em.

tigermoth · 10/11/2006 20:06

go, enjoy and celebrate your dd being 1 year 1 week old when you get back.

nutcracker · 10/11/2006 20:10

No way in a million years.

I had to miss dd2's 3rd bitrthday as I was in hospital with Ds and even though we moved it back a couple of days and she didn't know I knew and I hated it, was so sad.

Gillian76 · 10/11/2006 20:12

That's the thing. It's about how you will feel.

She will be oblivious.

beansprout · 10/11/2006 20:15

I was at work on ds's 1st birthday and managed to crucify myself. I was very emotional, in a way I hadn't anticipated. I would suggest that you don't go as you may regret it. Holidays can be taken any time.

marymillington · 10/11/2006 20:36

I wouldn't feel even a modicum of guilt. Why should you?

BUT, I would have really regretted missing DS's first birthday - it felt like a huge milestone to me.

The worst case scenario is being on holiday and not enjoying it because you want to be somewhere you're not. It depends if you're more or less likely to be celebrating a first birthday and wishing you were skiing.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 10/11/2006 20:37

Cappuccino · 10/11/2006 20:40

so the other option would be not to go at all?

get your suitcase

foxtrot · 10/11/2006 20:53

What you may not realise now, is that as well as being your DD birthday, it is also a special date for you, (sorry if this sounds a bit sloppy) the date you became her mother. I always stop and remember this on my DCs birthdays and get quite emotional. Something to think about.

Cappuccino · 10/11/2006 20:55

yes it is foxtrot

which imo is all the more reason for a lovely holiday to celebrate

HuwEdwards · 10/11/2006 20:59

She won't give a fig.

I fear in years to come, you will look back at those young years which go by so very quickly and wonder why the hell you missed it.

DetentionGrrrl · 10/11/2006 21:02

I've yet to celebrate a 1st birthday with DS, but i can't imagine not being there. As someone said, it's about you giving birth aswell as them being born. It's what you feel ok with i guess.

doormat · 10/11/2006 21:05

nah I couldnt do it

first birthdays are a memory that stays with you

Original poster

MrsFogi · 10/11/2006 21:13

Gosh my most successful thread yet! I am considering it because it really does seem to be the only possible week (it's that or no holiday until summer) and because the birthday falls midweek so I think we'd celebrate at the weekend anyway as dh gets home from work after dd goes to bed and my family don't live close enough to come up on the day (they'd come the weekend before/after to celebrate, dh's family live abroad). On the other hand I am feeling guilty for even contemplating (a) going on hols without dd (although the only holiday we'd consider at this time of year is skiing so we can't bring dd anyway) and (b) missing the actual day of dd's birthday even though I think the celebrations on the day would be very low key. Re leaving dd with her grandmother, I have no qualms about this - dd can't get enough of her grandmother, I sometimes get the impression if she had to chose between me and grandma she'd go for grandma!

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 10/11/2006 21:17

I wouldn't do it, and it wouldn't even cross my mind, TBH.

I agree with other posters that you may look back in years to come and regret not being there for your son's first birthday.

Could you holiday somewhere different, perhaps where you wouldn't have to put your child in a creche all day?

I can certainly see your point about not wanting to take him on a skiing holiday, and having to put him in childcare.

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