Father's attitude

[SusieR]

Hi,
My DH is quite off with our second baby (now 3 1/2 months old). He adores our little girl who's 2. I'm sure its down to the fact that DS is so small and not as interesting/active etc and also not sleeping thru, but it really gets me down and I feel so bad on behalf of my baby. Has anyone else had this attitude from their children's father?

I think its quite common actually.
I know quite a few fathers who weren't really that interested in their babies until they became more 'interesting'. Obviously, they did love them.
One new father told me that his 2 month old daughter was a 'bit of a pain' when I asked how she was doing and I know he loves her to bits.
It must be very difficult for you. Hopefully someone will be along to give you some good advice on how to deal with this.

Hi SusieR

While I was pregnant and after she'd been born I was worried that DP wouldn't be interested in DD as she was a surprise and it felt at the time that our life would be thrown into chaos with the arrival of another baby.

She is nearly 11 months now and I remember that he wasn't all that interested in her to start off. I think it's like you and Wintersun have both said, they just don't do that much to start off with (in mens' eyes at least! They blink, move their arms, general gurning!! Are they blind??? )

Anyway, she has completely won him over all on her own. I haven't had to 'plan' anything to get him involved with her, she just started giving him the hugest grins. ANd then shouting to get his attention. Then crawling after him.

And she now has him wrapped around her little finger in a way the boys have never managed!

I also know that DP wanted to give his attention to the DS's when she arrived as so much of mine was given over to looking after her.

Also, the wife of DP's colleague has recently had a baby. Whenever I ask him how they are getting on he just says 'Erm, they're fine.' I asked him who the baby looked like and how was their oldest child finding it and he said 'I have no idea. We don't talk about things like that' It's hard not to generalise but I definately think it's a bloke thing!

Oh yes. Dh LOVED dd, but she only got interesting from about a year old. I have some sympathy with that view myself...

My dh was like this with ds2. He had a big guilty moment a month or so ago (ds2 is now 10 months old) and made a special effort to spend more time with him instead of just ds1. Now he loves him to pieces! A lot of it is that my dh doesn't have the patience/ interest to do any nappy-changing, dressing or feeding so without special effort ds2 wasn't going to get a lot of time with his Daddy until he could at least feed himself! HTH

same thing with my dh untill ds was about 18 months and now they adore each other and I'm like chopped liver they play togehter and talk abotu boys toys and stuff together all the time (dh is big kid at heart)

My DP didn't bond with our son till he was around 6mths old, he loves him dearly now but it took some work and was really stressful in the early months. He didn't like being around him and got really really angry when he wouldn't stop crying, scared me sometimes.

thanks for all your replies. its comfoting to know that its not that unusual. i'll just be patient.