What to call step- grandfather?

[Sleepyhoglet]

My mum has asked that her first grandchild calls her nana. She's only a baby so not calling her anythibgb right now! We call her nana but what should we call her partner. I was thinking maybe papa followed by his 1st name.

My DH's stepmum (only a few years older than me and DH) is Granny Name to our kids. My DD2 actually said on the way to school this morning that Granny Name is her Granny because families are about love, not biological links. She's also remarkably unfussed about explaining to people that this set of aunties and cousins etc are Grandad's family he grew up with, and that set are his birth relations. All aunties, all in our lives. How they got there doesn't worry her.

However it is fair to point out that DH's parents were long separated before DstepMIL (who is lovely) came on the scene, so there's no issues about names (MIL objected but given that she's only seen the DC 4 times ever, I don't take an awful lot of notice of her opinions. Like the DC say, grandparents are made by love, interest and involvement, not biology)

We just went with grandad first name, it was easier than trying to explain things! I don't call him dad, just first name.

Grandad 'his name here' same as for bio grandad - which worked for us.

DM remarried in her late 60s so he was never my stepdad in any way. But he doted on my two. Bless him.

DD1 calls my dad by his first name
My step dad (I see more than my real dad) gan gan
My maternal grandfather - grandad

Her father's dad - pops
Her father's maternal grandfather - Dan dan
Her fathers paternal grandfather - by his first name.

Then she has a, nana, nehne, mam Mar, gran and grandma.

Dd2 is too young to say anything yet but will probably have the same names

My dc call dM's partner something like "Uncle Tommy". It's not actually Tommy, but an affectionate version of his first name.

personally I think that all these pretended family relationships where a random man gets with a woman and becomes 'step dad' or 'step grandad' without even any commitment on his part, are potentially dangerous for children, and not only with that one example.

But there's nothing to suggest that the OP's mum's partner is a 'random man' with no commitment to the family - he's her mum's long term partner and is thus part of the family unless his behaviour or attitude concerns the OP.

In the case of Tia Sharp, the problem wasn't that he was her 'grandad' (or 'dad', since he'd also had a relationship with her mother), it was that he was a predator and the women concerned didn't recognise that or keep her safe. I don't remember ever reading anything to suggest what she called him, either, so I don't see what relevance it has to this thread.

I think it depends on the role. So DH's stepdad is Grandad because he does Grandparent stuff, my mum is Nana to my step kids because she does Grandparent stuff but the boyfriend of my step kids maternal Grandmother was called by his first name because he didn't do Grandparent stuff.

My grandmother married her husband when I was 5 (they were together from before I was born) and I've always just called him by his first name although I'll refer to him as my grandfather. My brother and I asked our stepparents what they wanted our kids to call them - stepmum is Granny XXX and stepdad is just his name.

I haven't known him that long (2ish years) and they live a long way away. Doesn't mean I don't want him to be a grandad figure tho

Mine call my stepdad by his first name. I did think about grandpa x but it felt a bit forced.

My stepdad has been
Married to my mum for 25 years.
I call him by his name. He is lovely and always treated me impeccably. My children call him by his name, they call them Nana and John/Dave/Rob.

To me that seems right.

Ours had a Grumpsy, Grandad and GangGang.

Am I very strange in this. My stepfather was not and is not my father. I did not call him daddy or daddy first name; I called him his first name. My children have always called him his first name too. He is not a blood relative and is not therefore given the designation that belongs to a blood relative. My real father was their grandfather and his wife was addressed by her first name by me and the children.

Why the need for pretence? Sorry, I am trying not to be odd.

due to multi-generations of divorce or death and remarriage, when my DD's were little they had 16 sets of grand-parents and great grandparents, more than half of which they saw regularly.

all of them were known by variations of Grandma/Grandpa or followed by their first name. except my dad, who wanted to be Granddaddy, just like his dad.

The politics of adults personal lives don't matter to small children, they just need to understand the rough position in the family of this person relative to them. anyone above the tier of parent is a grand of some sort.

anyone above the tier of parent is a grand of some sort. But how. That can only be if the person is the tier above is the parent of the parent and shares their blood?

Perhaps my family was too straight. Or perhaps as my stepfather usurped (hope that's the right word) my father, and broke up my parents, there is no way my children would ever give him the same title they used for my father. He was not my father's equal and he was not my father more to the point.

Sorry, going to hid thread now because this will make me angry and upset.

My step dad is Grampy and my step mum is Grandma. We have a nan, a Grampy, two grandmas and two grandads. I call my step parents by their names but my baby will have known them since birth. In their eyes she is a grandchild and the baby has no reason not to love them like they love the or 'blood' grandparents.

If you've hidden the thread then you won't see replies, but I'm going to put my comment in anyway

Obviously, this is going to be something that is influenced by your relationship with step grandfather ~ no-one expects you to call someone who has perhaps come along when you are an adult, 'Dad', but, as some others have said, the dc have the same relationship with this 'older person that they see quite regularly' and they just need a name to call them.
I would suggest that is why the OP has started this thread.

In some cultures (I'm not going to presume it's all African Cultures, or all Asian Cultures, but certainly in family friends from Cameroon, Zimbabwe, and India they all do this) all 'older' people are called a name sorry, I can't remember the words that is equivalent to 'Grandparent', it is an honourary title given as a mark of respect and live, the way we used 'Aunty' when I was growing up, but is ridiculed on MN these days. The person doesn't have to be related to you, just part of the wider 'family' or community, and 'of a certain age'.

Many of the names suggested could be thought of like that, I'd have thought. Keep 'Grandpa' or whatever your favourite is for your own Dad, and use a different one for the step grandfather.

live love

Incidentally my DP has been my DP since DD was just 2, but it has never occurred to any of us that she would call him anything other than his name. I do think it's different for parents/step-parents/partners of parents. I'm with backfor that 'grand-whatever' is almost an honorary denoting rank/age/relationship. I think many posters are, understandably, influenced by their feelings towards the partner of their parent who they may view as having broken up the family unit.

DD used to refer to 'my mummy' 'my daddy' and 'my Dave*', as though everyone had a Dave as well as a mum and dad.
*his name's not actually Dave.

I don't understand why a few people are referring to it as a 'pretence' at a family relationship as there's no blood or 'tie'. By that explanation my recently adopted nephews shouldn't call me auntie or my parents Nanny and Granddad How sad. I am a stepmum, have known my stepdaughter for 12 years (she's now 15), love her, have cared for her, she's sister to my ds (we don't undermine their relationship by labouring under a 'half sister' label) and as far as I'm concerned is a fully fledged member of my family. If she decides to have children I'd be pretty offended if i wasn't bestowed with the honour of grandparent. OP, my niece calls her step grandmother Nanny firstname. My new nephews call my parents Nanny firstname and granddad firstname. There is no blood relation, but I think this is entirely appropriate. Blended families are commonplace these days, as is adoption (thankfully). Assuming that new family members are not a flash in the pan, I think family is about the loving relationships that form between people even when there is no blood tie - people shouldn't be forever outcasts because they came to the party later than others. In the case of adopted children this is hugely damaging - certainly more so than 'pretending' they have a life long relationship with their new families.

nobody said anything about adopted children not being part of a family though did they? apart from you that is.

Little I totally agree.

You know full well what i mean in relation to supposedly artificial relationships: the 'no blood ties' explanation is fundamentally flawed. I also cited my own situation as a stepmum, so plenty of other material in my post to focus on.

As this thread proves; there is a lot of variation on how people feel about this. No clear rules.
My step father and mother are just referred to by their first names by me and the dc. Anything else would have made me uncomfortable as I already have a mum and a dad, but I know other people feel differently which is fine for them.