Come and talk to me about table manners for 6 year olds....

[heritagewarrior]

What are the house rules at the dinner (or breakfast or lunch) table in your house? I don't think we're doing very well in our house and I'm after some perspective!

My bottom line is that everyone sits (not kneels up) up for the duration of the meal everyone uses cutlery to the best of his or her ability. I thought this was reasonable, but many visiting children seem to find both of these things hard, so maybe I'm overly strict.

And do you make them stay at the table until all have finished eating (adults as well as children)?

Pretty much same as volumnia

I do expect my daughter to ask if she can leave the table - I very rarely make her stay till we've all finished though. Equally me and dp would stay at the table if she hasn't finished.

I work at a primary and am shocked by how bad a lot of Children's table manners are. No attempt to use a knife or fork, food thrown on the floor if they don't like it and eating with their mouths open

Thank you both! I have been trying to enforce similar rules to you . I am thinking of adding in that we don't start eating until everyone else has their food, and that you mustn't leave the table until the other children have finished.....do you think this is a step too far?

Mine have to wait to eat until everyone has their food and is seated at the table (the 1 and 2 year old are exempt from this) and everyone remains seated until everyone is finished, including the little ones.

Expectations in our house are:

• sit properly (on bottom, not kneeling)
• use cutlery (DD1 does well here, DD2 at age 4 still needs reminding!)
• no being rude about what's on offer (but don't have to eat foods they dislike as long as they try things and don't say yuk)
• children wait til the other children are finished
• no gulping down large quantities of drink before eating your food

Surrounded, I think that pretty much sums up what I am aiming for - just finished our Sunday lunch with moderate success in some, but not yet all, of them!

Same as above, I don't make them wait if the adults are having a slow coffee after the meal but I do expect them to stay at the table between courses...visiting children seem to find this tricky which I find annoying, I have also had visiting children trying to leave the table and wander off with bits of food.

I also don't like them slurping food, eating with mouths open, talking with food in mouth etc. By 6 I would expect them to be offering to help clear the table and take the plates to the kitchen too. They are also encouraged to say 'thank you for cooking' or 'thank you for a nice meal'

Basically, the same manners we adhere to - no banging of cutlery, sit properly, dont play with food, wait until everyone has their plates of food before starting, please may I leave the table, etc. I find the "elbows off the table" rule hard to follow myself, but we do try to remember it!

On and no electronic devices/tv etc, from anyone. Just prepping for when they're older, as obviously they don't have mobiles etc now!

Sit at the table (I don't mind kneeling up if they can't reach)
Use cutlery
Don't out too much in mouths at once
Put cutlery on plate properly when finished
Ask to leave the table.

I don't expect them to stay at table at home if we're having a long break between courses or if adults are having a coffee after but do in a restaurant (they usually have colouring to keep them occupied)
I am forever trying to get dd to hold her fork properly and use her knife properly and to use a napkin (or paper towel!) to wipe her mouth instead of her sleeve!!

Yes to all the above.

Also, no elbows on the table,

DD is 4 and we are similar to above.

She has to ask to leave, I normally let her, but if it is just the 3 of us and we are having pudding then she has to stay if she wants some. With our wider family she is the only child/grandchild so I would let her leave as the 100% adult conversation is boring for her.

I also get her to help me set the table and she can pretty much do it herself now.

She can handle a fork pretty well and we are working on cutting. Finding a small, but decently sharp knife is difficult.

4.8yo onlyDC (so no other children to wait for)

Sit properly
Mouth closed
Cutlery
Ask to get down (can be before others- but no coming back so wait if you want pudding and if you go no bothering people still at table)
Say 'please' for anything you want and 'thank you' for anything you are passed
Say 'thank you for cooking/ my meal'
Sensible, quiet chat only
No toys at table

He is good at the table which helps so much in cafes and restaurants. I think it helps that his school have 'family dining' so he sits with his teachers and he is an only which makes things a zillion times easier to enforce at home.

Fantail - pound land do children's (age 3 plus) cutlery, but I also find some quality small ones in a cook shop.

Our rules are similar to above, but DP is terrible for not waiting for the DC to finish and getting down to start tidying up. DC can be incredibly slow eaters. Visiting friends do often get down without asking. I'm afraid Ds2 (4) is better with cutlery than Ds1 (7).

faintail IKEA do childrens cutlery with a knife that cuts - here

Thank you everyone! I don't seem to be as far off the mark as I thought. However, enforcing it is more tricky! The biggest problem I have is getting them both (twins) to stay at the table. I also am trying to do the not saying 'yuk' thing with limited success. Nothing quite as demoralising as being told something is yuk when you've spent 2 hours cooking it....

Wait for everyone to be served before you start (the toddler is sometimes excluded if he is very tired).
Sit properly.
Elbows off the table.
Elbows not flapping like a duck.
Be sensible with the food: don't mess around with it if you're not going to eat it.
Ask for something to be passed to you, don't reach across people.
Don't be greedy: don't take more than you are going to eat and, just because you can eat more quickly than another child, it does not mean you can have seconds first.
Keep your cup away from where it can be easily knocked off.
Don't be rude about the food served.
Try different things.
Use the cutley provided correctly and don"t use your fingers (there are obvious exceptions, but I get annoyed if my child has a fork and a redundant knife because they are using their finger).
No singing or silliness or during meals.
Speak to each other politely and listen to the others, don't shout over each other.
Wait for everyone to finish before moving onto the next course or get down.
Ask to get down.

I have never codified the rules like this, but this is what I expect. They are 8, 6, 4 and almost 2. They are not perfect but, mostly, I am not embarrassed when we visit people and they behave properly in restaurants.

We wrote out our table rules (picked 5 key ones) and put them on display in the kitchen. The DDs agreed to them when we wrote them. We have to remind them constantly about the 'bottoms on chairs' rule but they are good on the others, which are:
Don't start until everyone is sat down
No talking with your mouth full
Don't play with your food.
Ask to get down & say thank you

They are 7 & 8 now but the rules have been in place for nearly three years. I also remind them to remember the rules at other peoples' houses even if their friends don't follow similar. They tell me they do...

I'm surprised by all of these kneeling children. DS sits but barely, he likes to dangle one buttock off the side and seems to find joy in having the least possible contact between the chair and his bum. Often falls off/tips the chair over and we end up sniping at him so much that mealtimes are just unpleasant, so we eat separately most of the time which I think is sad.

Do any other one-child families have enjoyable mealtimes?

At the moment ds's (11,9,6) aren't doing badly for table manners, but they are back at school next week so that might change!

My rules are sitting nicely, using knife and fork, mouth closed when eating and no elbows. Mealtimes have on occasion been awful with ds3 carry on. I evict him now if he starts and make him eat his tea alone because everyone else would like to eat their meal and try to enjoy it.
Sounds harsh but it works. ...until next week

More or less as above but ds is sometimes allowed to get down before dd as she has sensory issues and can take a hour to eat. I work in a school and it's shocking how many 5/6/7 year olds tell me "daddy cuts my dinner up" when I'm trying to show them how to use their cutlery properly! We often say we'd like to be a fly on the wall in some houses at mealtimes!

Oh, and "Eat with you mouth closed"!

My DS (6) briefly starting tilting his chair. After many, many warnings, I made him stand and finish his meal like that. I have never done it before or since but, as my main concern was for his safety, I needed something drastic.

fantail Muji have good cutlery (labelled 'desert' cutlery, but perfect for children)- the knife is properly serrated, and cuts well. I think they're about £2.50 a piece.

3 year old.
At the very least taste everything.
Eat what you like, leave what you don't (after trying), without announcing you don't like it or needing to remove it from the plate.
Use cutlery as best you can.
Help clear table before any treat foods after.
I don't expect long waits at the table at home after the meal yet, but no up and down when dinners actually on the table.