3 year old DS saying disturbing things

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My 3 year old started talking at a very young age (found a letter from a paediatrician stating he was able to put 5-6 words together in a sentence that was in context he was 18 months old at the time)

I don't know how relevant that is but just wanted to set the scene for the level of speech I'm talking about!

So, over the past few weeks, my DS has been coming out with some very disturbing things and I just don't know where it's coming from, or how to deal with it. A few examples......

2 weeks ago we were watching 'Pip Ahoy' and the seagull was being a bit naughty, flying around. My DS says 'I'm going to rip his wings off so he can't fly'

He frequently says 'I don't like X, he's rubbish so I'm going to put him in the bin'

Yesterday he said he was going to 'push me backwards then kick' me as I wouldn't put his shoes back on he'd taken them off in the car and I couldn't reach to put them back on he also said, earlier in the day, that he was going to 'smash nana up' because we were having a race to the toilet but she got there first.

He's currently watching Blaze whilst I tidy the front room and he just shouted 'You do that again I'm going to punch you really hard' to Crusha, the obligatory naughty character. WTF?

He most certainly doesn't hear it from me or OH (I grew up in a violent home so am very mindful of what comes out in front of him, plus neither of us have violent tendencies). I was speaking to OH about it last night and he's convinced he's getting it from nursery. He was moved up with the 4/5 year olds just prior to his 3rd birthday as he was getting very frustrated in the toddler room because his communication level is so advanced so maybe he's hearing it from them during play?

I'm starting to convince myself that he's going to be a feature on the crime and investigation network in 20 years as a killer that could have been avoided because the warning signs were there from a young age!!!!

How can I deal with this??

I forgot to say because I was waffling somewhat that he is a very affectionate and sensitive little boy and if he does hurt anyone by accident he is mortified and apologises profusely (usually to the point where you end up comforting him as if he was the one that's been hurt!)

I'd speak to nursery and see whether they have any concerns. Ask them to observe him and see whether he's managing in the older group. Does he act violent or is it just words?

Honestly, it doesn't sound like anything to worry about. I'd gently correct him if I were you.

I wonder if you're maybe worrying about this more because of the violence when you were little? I'm really sorry you had to deal with that, must have been awful for you. But really, your little boy sounds fine.

Speak to nursery ASAP. Assuming he only watched age appropriate tv? He's copying it from someone and if it's not at home it must be from the other older children at nursery. the nursery we use only has two age groups 1yr - 3yrs and 3yrs - 5yrs. My DD isn't 2.5 yet but will be moving to the older group soon and it would worry me if she was with kids who talked about violence like that

That all sounds perfectly normal type of stuff for a child his age to say. He wouldn't do any of those things in RL really - honestly.

Go and stand by a school playground during break time one day and listen to what the kids are shouting to put your DS's language into perspective. None of them mean it.

Crikey maybe I've overreacted in that case. is talking about punching and pushing really normal language for a three year old? I am dreading DD getting older

No advice really but my 3 year old DD has started saying similar things since starting nursery last September, she also says she'll "put people in the bin" and she comes out with lots of horrible, aggressive comments which are totally out of character so like others say, I think it's repetition of things shes heard in nursery. She also started with lots of talk about poo and bums at the same time so I do think it's a case of children being silly together at nursery and saying daft things.

Yep, normal. Don't forget we used to be cavemen, not all that long ago.
It takes us a while to get mature enough to be able to suppress our primal instincts.

My nearly 3 year old comes out with stuff like this.
He said he was going to use a lawn mower to mow up his little brother. Luckily we don't have a lawnmower so I think we are safe for now. He's also obsessed with locking people in cages after watching Dumbo.

Yes my youngest is just four and all my elder four did this as well.

Lots of I am going to chop you up and put you in the bin. Along with an obsession with anything poo and fart related being seen as hilarious. And silly names such as poo poo head etc. Ignore or I would sometimes say that isn't very nice. It's something they grow out of :)

My (lovely) 3 year old DD told me she was going to kill me last week!

I think she picked it up at nursery as some kids see some inappropriate programmes for older kids.

She and her older sister then played the "dead" game where they pretended to lie down and die! Argh.

I try gently to steer them from that!

Ha ha, my three year old ds tells me he's going to "put me in the bin"! And he's going to "make me sad". I think it's normal, but his preschool have said that he plays with the older nursery kids, and this is the kind of stuff they say. I think as long as their behaviour isn't violent then all should be fine. Hopefully.

Oh I meant to say wait til you get the big 'threats' when you say or do something they don't like...

"I don't like you, you are not my friend anymore" or the biggest one from mine has been "you are not coming to my birthday party" at which point I always laugh and point out that if I am not thete they won't be getting a party.

Honestly it is very normal and they don't understand the reality of the things they say ie they would have no concept of the permanence of killing or chopping up etc. It's just words and if he sees they bother you then he will do it more.

I can understand why it worries you but it's very normal.

Mine does it too. The 4 - 5 year olds will often have older siblings so all this gets passed on. They don't mean it.

Same here, my just 4 year old began saying "I'm going to chop you up and put you in the bin" amongst other things shortly after starting mornings at pre-school.
I say things like "oh, that will probably hurt me" and he will say "I won't chop you up mummy, I will just catch you and squash you"....
Small steps and all that....

I would speak to the nursery, if it's coming from other children the nursery have a duty to look into it as it could be an indication that children are being neglected at home and allowed to watch disturbing programmes.

DS did this for a while when he was around 3 to 4. I think it's normal but like you it came as a bit of a shock to me, as my DD never said anything like this. DS is just a lot more physical in word and deed.

Id mention it to the nursery but tbh it sounds pretty standard stuff to me. I would just correct him. Remind him about being kind and using kind words.

I had a lovely conversation about how your skull protects your brain but you got shooted (sp) in the head then your brain is not strong enough and your brain explodes. And you die. And then all that's left are the bones.

Ds(6) . Kids don't realise the implications of what they say (although the DS did say he would be sad if any of his family were shooted through the head (phew) we really don't live in a place where getting shot is something would have ever encountered)

Yup, sounds about normal for that age to me, too. It's a funny age, they still have all the feelings of frustration and rage of a 2 year old, but are much more verbal and so they express their feelings verbally rather than just hitting the nearest kid with a doll or something. It's just a socialisation stage they go through - we as adults just have to teach them the right way to express their frustration with someone. They might FEEL like putting someone in the bin when they annoy them, so they say it; doesn't mean that they will do it though.

You can forget about your visions of them being on a Most Wanted poster in future, and instead think about how best to hide your laughter when he comes out with something really hilariously wacky, while you simultaneously acknowledge his feelings of annoyance and teach him what the right, more polite, way of putting it is instead!

Yes DS came out with this stuff at 3. He hadn't seen anything on TV it was half imagination and half nursery, I reckon.

The other day (he is 6 now) he said he was going to do a wee on someone. We get lovely shades of violence too, things get "bitten up" quite regularly. We do tell him they are not nice things to say but it doesn't make a difference. He did impress a friend of DH's though by using the word "annihilated" correctly.

The one which I have a bugbear about is "If you do that again you're going to get...(anything)" - just because I loathe it as a threat parents make to children. I know that's really judgy of me though

It's much more common among 4-5 year olds, and isn't anything to do with being neglected and seeing inappropriate stuff. Remember even in fairly "typical" families with 2-3 children 2-3 years apart, a large majority of 4-5 year olds will have 7-8 year old and 9-10 year old siblings, who will almost certainly come across media marketed at their age range which talk about killing or shooting. And whether they access it themselves or have friends, still in that typical age spacing, with siblings aged 12-13 or 15-16 accessing games like Call of Duty etc, those kinds of things are common. Of course it filters down. Either the younger ones hear the older ones using it, think it's cool, and emulate it, or they see stuff which they end up imitating. But it's not in most cases neglect, just happenstance. 3-4 is the beginning of that striving to be cool IME.

Think about fairy tales - children have always responded to (fictional) gruesome stuff ... small children have big emotions, think is big "black and white" brushstrokes about morality etc. Also when he says rip the wings off he might well be thinking like ripping up a paper bird or toy ... not the agony/blood an adult would know happens.

Throwing people in the bin is something I heard a lot when working with 2-5 year olds. Just means "I'm angry"! I don't know why but it's very common? And doesn't really link to violence or friendship issues ime.

It is also developmental that kids understand things can be squashed etc before they understand other people can really die or be seriously hurt (unless they see it right there and then and for obvious reasons that wouldn't be good).
It is not a sign of neglect.

Putting people in the bin or chopping them into tiny bits is a method of processing negative energy by doing what we do to trash. It doesn't mean killing.

The flipside is for example a kid terrified of being splashed with water because it melted the witch in the wizard of oz.
Cause and effect isn't fully ironed out in their mind yet. Neither is metaphor.
So they come out with some delightful stuff such as being able to fly (real: they like to jump on a trampoline ) and some creepy stuff like throwing others in the bin (real: I don't want to see you right now, and I think Yuk like bins about xyz).

I would question whether moving him up to the 4/5 year olds room when he was only 2 was a good idea just because his communication is good. His oral skills sound good but nothing the nursery shouldn't have seen before quite regularly. A 2, nearly 3 year old has very different needs and social abilities compared to a group of 4/5 year olds. I understand that above average oral communication gives the impression of them being able to cope more easily or 'need' interaction with older children but actually, what they need socially is often quite different. Sometimes what can happen is that a too young child is presented with language and ideas beyond their rationalisation. As problems go, it's not huge and he's in with those older children now and it's just a little factor in his development but what you're experiencing as a consequence is that while he's been developing socially, he's been doing it in an environment where the language and ideas presented to him are beyond his rationalisation.

My DS is 3 and when frustrated or tired and unable to logically express his feelings towards something, he will just declare "I will throw you and Christmas and all Santa's reindeer in the bin and glue the lid shut" (Christmas Eve 2014, I thank you ). It's normal and these are the worst things they can think of. They're saying they're SO SO cross that they will PUT YOU IN A BIN. In a way it's lovely that it's the most terrible thing they can envisage. Try and hear it as "I am very cross and wish to express this" because that's what they're saying really.

You stand in any nursery/reception playground and you hear all sorts of seemingly violent threats used through play. Often aped from television or films or nursery rhymes or fairy tales. Thanks to Peter Pan, yesterday DS threatened to feed his sister to a crocodile and fling her into another land. He's only a psychopath in the same way that all 3 year olds are.

It is normal stuff and he will grow out of it. And as mentioned before, it usually comes from kids with older brothers and sisters than kids who are neglected/potential killers/watch inappropriate TV.

My eldest son used to come out with similar things when he started nursery. I was worried, just the same as OP was. He's now 12 and not the type of boy who makes threats or causes trouble - infact he's amazingly laid back and placid.

It's just a phase "chop you up and put you in the bin", "get my dad onto you" and "poo-head" are the most vicious things they can say to eachother - they don't have the reasoning skills to say "well, you have really annoyed me and I am upset" - so use the nastiest things they can think of to say as a means of defence.

Don't worry, they will pick up other sayings along the way. My DD (my eldest sons twin) enjoys telling me she will kill herself and it will be all my fault/run away/ring social services, if I don't let her have wi-fi after 9 p.m/ let her go to the park and stay until dark/buy her expensive clothes etc. Again, she's not actually a depressed suicidal - it's a means of trying to get her own way.