What would Babynet or Toddlersnet say, if they did exist?

[dodi1978]

Being run ragged by my 18 month DS today, I thought about what advice Babynet or Toddlersnet, if they did exist, might give.

• Your parents don't give you the food you want? Try your highest pitched whine, the one your parents didn't know you had. Really lay it on. Squeeze a few tears out at the same time.

Any more?

becky, you are my hero. I can't go back to sleep during the night without flicking a little skin tag on my DM's wrist - if I maximise the amount of wrist stroking before I start the flicking she'll usually let me at it. When I go for it with the flicking she wakes up and is very cross.

She's crazy if she thinks I'm going back into the wooden prison before the other 2 babies get here.

I was here first after all!!!

Pirates my mummy tries to do the same thing. They just don't get it do they.

Eagle you definitely need to lay down the law now. I know I wouldn't want to share my mummy with another baby, let alone two! I'm seeking to ensure that mummy and the boobless one don't try to make me have any brothers or sisters by making sure they don't get any time together at all.

I think we can have full control of these big people, of both the boobed and boobless variety, if we share tactics!

My mummy has a bad back and daddy is "at work". Mummy claims she can't do superman sweeps, baby yoga or rolling on the mat but is apparently well enough to fob me off with story time and sensory play.
She says she can hardly walk. Well I can't walk at all so imo it's no excuse.

My daddy looks like he's got boobs and a baby in his tummy! Mummy blames someone called the burger king.

AIBU to tell the one with boobs that I love her every 45 minutes throughout the night? It's only been 6 months, she might not know yet. That high pitched shriek I've been practising should make it clear though.

egog, YANBU! How else will she know? You have to be loud as well because sometimes the one without the boobs can't hear all that well at nighttime.

My mummy is sooo weird. Every so often she lifts me up and sniffs my bum.

Egog you might want to try doing it all day too, just to make sure the one with the boobs knows how you feel. You wouldn't want her to forget.

The boobless ones are definitely the most oddest.

My DM had what she called a 'night off' (WTAF?!) once and went to sleep in the spare room. When I woke for an eye-poke and a cuddle at 2am, I was actually wandering around the whole upstairs crying my eyes out, opening and shutting doors, screaming in the boobless one's face and he still didn't wake up. 10 minutes this went on for. What is that all about?

Do they do it on purpose, or are they just super thick?

Still, DM just got up for me instead so win-win for me.

My mum is such a selfish cow. Any time she has a packet of crisps, a yoghart, a drink etc I only want a little bit so I go over and try and get some, mainly by climbing over her or just taking it out of her hands. I mean I know I have my own food sitting with me but I want hers! Why won't she share her snacks?

Any advice?

*yogurt

Yes my boobless one is also in the Spare Oom. Last night my 'D'M didn't wind me properly before bed so I woke myself up farting and because the boobless one wasn't there she tried to see if I would go to sleep without milky! As if... Well, I'll give her this, she's got patience; she shushed and patted me for over an hour, kept fobbing me off with small plastic booby which I kept spitting out but she kept putting back in... next thing I know it's morning and I'm farting again.
She might have won the battle but the war's still mine for the taking.
Now I'll just listen to the red sheep in my bed for a minute before I start screa....zzzzzzzz

Hot I find having a nice loud chat with red sheep really flummoxed her. She thinks it's on her side.

I need help with my sleeping problem. I'm desperate and this seems like the right place.
I'm 16months, so obviously need milk several times a night. The milky one is getting worse and worse at providing, sometimes I can get fed as little as once a night, and every time I fall asleep she moves me into a different bed. If she left me alone I could get all the milk I needed, but instead I have to keep crying which is having an impact on my sleep.
I appreciate there isn't much room in the big bed, but clearly this means the beardy tickley one should move to the bed with bars. I know I should have had this sorted at the beginning and I worry that I've made a rod for my own back. Should I try cio? If I cry a lot will she see sense?
TIA. Oh, and AGirlCalledBoB, you are entitled to that food, it's called a tax. Just be firm. Or report her to ss.

norah I'm going to go a bit controversial here.

Do you really need all that night time milk? Have you tried sleeping through?

I know this is totally against the Rules of Engagement. However, if your DM and the bearded one think you're a Big Girl/Boy then they'll get you one if those real beds, instead of making you sleep in the baby prison.

Once you're in a real bed, you can get out whenever you like and just climb in to the big bed with DM without her even noticing. Or, just silently stand right in front of the bearded ones face, this really freaks them out!!

I CLEARLY told DM and DF this morning that I did NOT want to go to school, that I wanted to stay here at my house. I used my words and everything! They still don't listen.

Way ahead of you Cooki3Monst3r (big fan of your work on Furchester Hotel btw). The baby prison is pushed up against the big bed so I've been working on flipping between the two. Just need to learn to do it with the sleeping bag on.
Unfortunately I can't resist going for beardy one's face while saying "tickle tickle" so standing silently is not currently an option.
And yes, of course I need that milk. How could you ask?

My mummy is really strange. She is very keen to get me down for a nap, but when I wake up she is so excited to see me and says she's missed me?! You really can't win with these mothers nowadays!

It sounds like several of you might be suffering with mummies who have Night Mummy Syndrome (NMS). You can usually tell if your mummy is a sufferer if they display the following symptoms:

1. They love cuddling and playing with you in the day but not in the night-time.
2. They get irritable at night and look stressed.
3. They look pale and clammy and have dark circles under their eyes. If your Mummy shows these symptoms then she too may have NMS.

So what causes NMS you might wonder? Well, the clue is in how the illness tends to progress throughout the night. Do you notice that with each subsequent time your mummy goes to sleep and you get them up again that their symptoms seem to be exacerbating? Do you find on the 8th time that you get your mummy up from another sleep that she looks like death warmed up? The answer is simple. The more times they are going to sleep, the worse their symptoms get with every subsequent wake up. The problem here is they are getting too much sleep. Which is why for every 3-5 minutes you let your mummy sleeps she looks worse when you next get her up.

How do you cure NMS then? Well simple, don't let your mummy sleep at all. A good, commonly used technique is to insist on sleeping only in an upright position on your mummies chest or in her arms (make sure she's not in a position she could sleep in) and if she tries to put you down in your baby-prison so she can sleep, immediately wake up and cry for her again.

Hope that helps. x

What's a reasonable amount of time for my DM to feed herself. She keeps putting me in my rocking chair for tens of minutes while she prepares food and eats it, and keeps telling me that she needs to eat so she can keep making my milk. But I can't wonder if she's 'milking it' (if you'll pardon the pun).
MiniWol (3.5 months)

my dm is the worst. She keeps tidying my toys into the box when I nap so I come back downstairs and have to spend ages putting them back where I want them before I can play.

oh and she wont put cbeebies on in the afternoon. she says I watch too much tv. wtf how else am I meant to keep up to date with baby jakes adventures?
She does share her food with me though, so it's not all bad.

my mother sent me to nursery hungry. she thinks I should eat when everyone else eats so we can get to places on time - I dont see what the big fuss is, i mean my bunny didn't think it was a big deal.

I hope she doesnt eat my strawberrys while I am out.

Ffs, I'm nearly 3, surely I get to decide whether I get dressed or not, what I wear, whether I clean my teeth or not, watch CBeebies/Peppa Pig all day, when I go to bed, whether I have a bath or not, what I choose to eat. Decide whether I go to nursery or not.
My parents are just so unreasonable. I should report them to the authorities

Oh, and why can't I have milky all the time? And what's with this sitting still, not climbing malarkey?

I don't want to get dressed, stay in my PJs, play with toys, not play with toys, watch CBeebies, have the TV turned off, eat breakfast, leave the house, stay in the house.

If mum says it's black it MUST be white. And I have to tell her that 15 times in a row, even when she responds to me.

My favourite thing in the world is to run away from mum! Anywhere, everywhere! I have a special trick, when she tries to grab my hand I perform a manoeuvre a judo master would be proud of and she's left holding my empty jacket!

I hate all foods, except bread. Beige food is OK sometimes, but just because I eat it today does not mean I'll eat it tomorrow.

I love being 3.5. I am the boss.