What would Babynet or Toddlersnet say, if they did exist?

[dodi1978]

Being run ragged by my 18 month DS today, I thought about what advice Babynet or Toddlersnet, if they did exist, might give.

• Your parents don't give you the food you want? Try your highest pitched whine, the one your parents didn't know you had. Really lay it on. Squeeze a few tears out at the same time.

Any more?

hotfuzzra I do that too. Mama feeds me lying down in the morning and she has the cheek to fall asleep on me! So I bite her boobie good and hard to make sure she wakes up. If I bite her thumb I can draw blood

But then she hurts my ears shouting No and won't feed me any more :(

What is this No sound anyway?

my DM thought she would wipe my nose! how could she put me through such torture. I cried and kicked but she pinned me down. im heartbroken that she would do this to me. do you think we can still have a relationship or should I go NC?

That cow, that horrible person abused me again this morning by washing my face with a soapy flannel. Well I soon let her know....I'm quite capable of washing my face myself with tears. No hug bye for her either at drop off.

I hope she is stewing in a guilt of daytime tv.

andsmile I feel your pain. EVERY morning my mummy insists on putting clothes on me. It doesn't matter how much I cry, scream and wiggle; she does it anyway. All I want is the freedom to be naked all day and not to feel restricted by all these things she keeps making me wear. I'm pretty sure deprivation of my freedom in this way must come under the human rights act.

Meerka mine also makes that noise, wtaf? But I have this horrid feeling in my gums and mummy makes me feel better, this morning I woke her up every two hours for milk and cuddles and sometimes a quick chew on her boob. I don't think she likes it as much as I do...
Why can't they understand us? I'm obviously telling her very clearly what I need but it takes an age for the poor woman to work it out. I think she's quite simple.

Is it too much to wake up at 2.30pm, and demand milk I have tried to ask politely but she takes too long
Then have a play on mummy's bed as you do! No harm in that! If I fall it is her fault.

I may try 3am tonight when she is least expecting x it is hard being me.

My DM is also BU about her boob. I have recently discovered I can control these "hand" thingies I have, so I grabbed the pinky bit of mummy's boob where the milk comes out.
Well it's hardly My fault She hasn't seen fit to trim my nails for a whole 24 hours. Yet once again, muttering about this Fug guy and gurning faces.
It's the sheer double standards that shocks me. Yes, this is the same mummy who takes me to the lady perfume shop and gets someone to make her nails longer. I tolerate this as it includes lots of lady giants telling me I am adorable and she needs to hear that in case she forgets I am best of babies and tries to make a new one in that tummy of hers. You literally cannot get the staff these days.

Hoists judgey pampers.

My mum is being unreasonable she thinks I should be able to eat my own yoghurt with a spoon. I am only one. Feed me the damn yoghurt mum or I will just throw the yoghurt covered spoon at you.

Also how was I to know spitting snotty spit in her face wasn't a sign of affection? She is always coming over to me and asking for kisses and I thought that's what I was doing!

DM is planning to cheat on me! She has told me she's going to be having another baby!

Geeky your life will never be the same again! I don't know why these people have to keep having more babies! It's a bloody insult and smacks of the insinuation that the first one (me) isn't perfect enough.

Well, I got my own back good and proper. One day, when DM was in the shower, I climbed in to my DB's cot and jumped on his tummy. With both feet, at the same time.

You should have seen her face!!! I've never seen panic like it - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Mind you... I do really love my DB. He's so cute and really funny. It's good to have someone to play and dance with.

I want to marry my DB. But DM says I can't. I think maybe she just wants to keep him for herself.

You can't win with these grown-ups.

Hoists judgey pampers.... hah! win =)

They knew I was coming, I mean DM had 9 months notice well nearly 9 months, I got bothered and thought I will arrive a bit early

And during those months I gave her plenty of practice, how to deal with morning sickness and carry on, waking up frequent at night for Loo visits and SPD.

AIBU, she should let me be. Now I will lose the dummy because I can!

I think my mummy might be broken. For starters, she always wears an expression of pained exhaustion. The other big people I see don't have this. And she's always telling people it's my fault - the cheek of the woman! I'm well within my rights to wake up 10 times a night if I like - I'm 8 months old and the stupid woman thought I should sleep in my own room in that stupid wooden jail thing. Well I point blank refused and expressed my displeasure by making screechy screamy noises. I won too - her and the one with the face fuzz but no boobies have moved the wooden cell back to their room!

The damned woman has also stopped giving me her lovely booby milk, and started giving me something called formula from the stupid plastic booby things. Apparently it's because she has to go to somewhere called work, and because I bit her booby and drew blood. Well how else was I supposed to test the new sharp things in my mouth?

WIBU to teach her a lesson by doing a big poo, then waiting for her to take my nappy off before peeing all over her, then for good measure doing a nice big sick all over the both of us after she's got me dressed? Any alternative suggestions would be welcome.

well mine has surpassed herself this morning - tried to feed me cereal with different milk on it and fancy fruit - where does she get off? I want my toast with jam on.

Well played Becky!!

My advice would be to keep going with the manipulation. If you managed to get them to move the baby-prison, you almost certainly have it in you to get them to let you sleep in their bed.

What you do is, go to sleep in the baby-prison as usual. Then when the booby and boobless ones come up to bed you need to start screaming blue murder. They'll try to settle you back to sleep in the baby-prison. But don't give in - eventually they'll be so knackered they'll just let you sleep in their bed.

If you master this then the next step is to get the boobless one to sleep in the spare room. This is easy done with some eye-scratching, hair pulling and general fidgeting.

Cooki monster is right - I've successfully ousted the boobless one into another room on many a night.

Perseverance is key here.

Never forget that a little cuteness goes a long way. A well - timed "mama" can be the difference between wooden jail and the big comfy bed

My DM thinks she's growing 2 babies in her tummy. She's a loon!!!

TWO?! Your DM is insane. There's no room!

Remember that big dark tunnel after the warm swimming pool and before the cold bright noisy place? Two babies can't possibly for through there!

My mummy puts me down in my cot when I fall asleep in her arms. Wtaf??? How can I sleep in there? I've told her for over 13 months that my big, long, heavy body prefers to be rocked and HELD as I sleep. Gawds, you'd think she'd learn and stop trying to put me down. Today I had enough, I was woken up six or seven times as she tried to sneak me out of her lazy arms so I decided I woukdnt nap at all.

Ha ha ha! That'll fuck up the afternoon nap and subsequently bed time. And if I'm tired and grumpy it will be her fault.

pirates they think we're stupid. As if we don't know when they've stopped moving when we're asleep in their arms! Unbelievable.

They act like they know what's good for us....such odd behaviour.

Thanks Cooki and Eagle - I am moving nicely along in my plan to cause maximum disruption - my baby jail only has 3 sides on it now and it's right up against their big bed, so I'm almost in. I can reach the one with the boobs to pull her hair or pinch her face when I want her to wake up. The boobless one has been in the spare room for a week now. He's been moaning a lot about me making too much noise, he needs his sleep for work, and he's got a cough or something. I think it'll only take a few more nights of screamy crying before he is in the spare room for good and I get to sleep in the big bed.

Now I just need to get my mummy to spend all day holding me and playing with me, stop going on her stupid ipad thing, which I should obviously be allowed to chew, and give up on all things housework related to focus completely on me!

AIBU to make sure my dolly is fully dressed in her coat and shoes for the 5 metre journey from the front door to the car when Mummy is already running late. I know this is a critical traffic window and her 40 min journey will take over an hour of I delay her much longer, but come on, it's Precious First Dolly.

becky you are a true pro.

bike you are totally not BU. Dolly needs must come before your DMs schedule. This is NOT the weather to be going out half naked - 5mtrs or not!!