What would Babynet or Toddlersnet say, if they did exist?

[dodi1978]

Being run ragged by my 18 month DS today, I thought about what advice Babynet or Toddlersnet, if they did exist, might give.

• Your parents don't give you the food you want? Try your highest pitched whine, the one your parents didn't know you had. Really lay it on. Squeeze a few tears out at the same time.

Any more?

AIBU

to put jammy toast in DF's new blu-ray player?

Personally, I could never leave my mummy alone to sleep at night, I think it's cruel. She needs your reassurance that you're still there and love her.

What are my rights? My grandfather has, for want of a better word, "stolen" my nose. This is not the first time he has done this and although he always returns it, I do feel I aught to put my foot down.

• AIBU to put potatoes in the washing machine. My DM puts all sorts of things in there: socks, bibs, even teddy. But today I got a terrible look for putting all the potatoes I found in a big sack by the back door in there. It took me ages, I was proud of my motor skills and patience. DM not only gave me a look but took them all out and put them back in the sack! AIBU?

• OP I think YABVU!! Potatoes are for rolling across the floor into DSiblings' shins. I’m not surprised you got a look. Your DM is a bit bonkers though, putting them back into sack. I think when they lose the ability to crawl, they lose some of their sanity, I really do.

• No, OP YANBU. I have seen my little brother put all his cars in our washing machine. It is what they are for. To put things in. Cars make a great grindy crunchy noise too when the thing goes round. You must try it.

• I agree with the poster above. As for DM giving you a look, this must have made you feel very gripey. I think you’re going to have to let her know how you feel if you want this relationship to continue on your own terms; ways I recommend for letting DM know how you feel are (a) crying loudly (b) crying very loudly or (c) crying very, very loudly. In my experience, (c) works better than (a) and (b). Agree with poster above about the great grindy, crunchy noise from cars in washing machine too! One thing that works even better is metal cutlery, easily picked up if you lob it off your highchair when they're not looking, just remember where you chucked it and post it into the washing machine when they pop you back on the floor for - eek - tummy time!

Love it lettice

My mummy took me to the Childminder today. She told the CM I was in a REALLY bad mood, so I gave the CM and lovely smile and a big hug. Mummy then told her I wouldn't take my coat off, so I took it off and gave it to the CM. Honestly ... my Mummy just tries to make me look bad :).

DM makes me eat things other than chocolate, and makes me wear things other than my favorite Elsa dress! And sometimes I want to look at pictures of myself on her phone, and she won't let me!

DM told me today that she has a baby in her tummy??
A little brother or sister she said.
I mean WTAF?
Any tips for getting her to change her mind?
Thanks, Pfb.

AIBU?
I swear that every time I fall asleep they wake me up to shove me in that pram suit, squish me in the car seat and take me on some errand or the school run. I like the two kids we keep as pets, they are entertaining, but why should their needs come before mine? Why should their activities impact on my time?

I agree with pp that nose wiping is an assault on my personal dignity. I am sorry but that is what grown ups are for. I find if you rub your face on them you can easily shift that bogey or porridge. No need to rub my face off with a tissue, muslin or wipe.

Toddler Marie Kondo Thread

Ive just Kondoed my DVD collection. Got rid of all but one of them. I only watch that one (on repeat all day every day) anyway so I don't think ill miss the others.

aibu to think the tv unit looks much better without all those dvds on it?
my DM doesnt appreciate all the hard work I put in to taking them all off to make it look nice and always puts them back and makes it messy again! any advice on getting her to keep things how I like them would be appreciated

DF, one requires the Ipad...

and if one is not allowed the Ipad one will brutalize the feline.

After months of getting milk from mummy, she apparently 'wants her boobs back' and is trying to get me to drink something called formula from a cup, as apparently it'll be helpful for when she has to go back to work and I go to something called nursery (whatever that is). Is she insane?!? I want my mummy milk!!!

DM doesn't like it when I poo in my nappy and avoid her for 10 mins and then return when it's all mashed up and everywhere. Why isn't this an acceptable practice? I'm busy discovering the bottom of the toy box and I feel like she constantly inhibiting my ambitions. It's not just the poo that she tells me off about, she also insists that i don't chuck things she's picked up from the floor... 'excuse me, i put that there for a reason - i was coming back to it' i think as she does it. I don't appreciate my hard work being destroyed. Some people have no manners and she bangs on about me saying please and thank you! pfft.

AIBU to complain about the roast potatoes not being crunchy enough?

I don't know why 'D'M thinks serving up half soggy roasts is in anyway acceptable. Everyone else just sat there chomping away like nothing was wrong. And they completely ignored my yelling and screaming.

Surely, I deserve nothing but the best? Should DM have got up off her lazy backside and instantly produced more acceptable roast potatoes? Or AIBU?

Baby Names

I prefer to be called "Wailing Empress of the darkest hours, drainer of sanity, and unsurpassed depositor of noxious substances" and not 'Lucy'?

Chat: I've just realised Mr Tumble, Grandad Tumble and Jason the presenter are never in shot at the same time.
Do you think there's some celeb feud going on?

I'm a big girl now. So when I'm enjoying my booby milk, sometimes to life to have a little look around. This seems to make DM very irritable. Sometimes she even mutters something that sounds like "for fugg's sake". I don't know who Fugg is.

So what if I want to smile at the bus full of people during booby time? AIBU or does DM need to get over herself?

Cooki your mum is BU. Mine is even worse. When I have a look around she just wastes my boob milk by letting it spray everywhere! She then acts like this is my fault.
She also knows Fug and I think he might be bad and a bad influence because she says FUG IN HELL.

Advice needed, my DM is becoming increasingly unresponsive.

Back story (long sorry) - today I spotted a tin of cat food on the supermarket shelf; I obviously had to hold it at all costs. It was the only thing in the whole shop I wanted and, just to be difficult, DM went off on one about not having a cat.

It took a full on tantrum (think of lying screaming blocking the aisle) before DM fobbed me off with a tin of tuna and a cuddle.

Anyone out there with tips on how to get your DM to behave (particularly in public)? I'm struggling to cope.

MillieH30 - screaming really loudly works wonders - it has changed my life. The other day DM took me to a coffee shop and expected to play quiety with one of those soft fluffy balls like like the other babies (so boring) so she could chat. I screamed. She looked at me in a quizzical way. Then she ran through her list. It goes: sleeping; nappy change and feeding. She decided I must be sick as I had done all of the other three in the last 20 minutes. We went home.

After pulling the cat's ears and rolling in the laundry I actually was quite tired. I think DM was as well.

The poor woman always looks exhausted. I'm not sure why though as she only has me to look after and I am quite an easy going baby. Any ideas?

This has totally made my day, funniest thread I've seen in AGES.

My mother is a selfish bitch and doesn't love me anymore.

When I was a tiny DS baby I used to go to sleep by really gently stroking DM's eyelashes. She never minded.

Now I'm a Big Boy (nearly 3) and I still like to do the same. But, you know, this has been going on for 3 years so to add a bit of interest I like to poke her really hard in the eye, endlessly flick her eyelashes and sometimes, it's great to scratch her eyeballs until they bleed.

All of a sudden, she's started yelling at me. In the middle of the night!! Whilst I'm trying to sleep!!!

This is SOOOOOO unfair. What is she playing at?!

This morning my DM played the most disgusting trick on me. In the middle of a much needed nappy change (I was proud of how much crap I got over every item of clothing I was wearing; I'm talking vest, tshirt, dungarees, socks and sock ups, plus the muslin to boot, score!) she took the opportunity to wipe my hands with a wet wipe, thus removing the highly valued crud that I have been collecting since bath time.
I let her know my feelings on the matter, she laughed in my face, sang a passive aggressive little song at me (thanks for patronising me) then proceeded to wipe dried snot from my face, too.
Can I have no hobbies anymore?
To teach her a lesson I bit her boob shortly after.

Style:socks are just frumpy. Kick them off or throw a hissy fit as they're put on?