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Original poster

You can tell I have a toddler because...

93 replies

soapybubbles123 · 22/02/2015 10:44

There are colourful, non-slip dots all over the bottom of the bath that change colour when the water temperature is anything more than tepid.

The windows and mirrors are usually covered in sticky little hand prints, regardless of how many times I clean them.

There's at least one pack of baby wipes in every room.

The CD currently playing in my car is the Gruffalo audio book.

There's splodges of bright blue poster paint in random places, like the shower curtain.

I may well offer you a rusk instead of a biscuit, the low sugar variety of course.

Anyone else?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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BaldricksTurnip · 23/02/2015 18:56

I have been known on occasion to open bags of crisps/lollies/packets of biscuits for adults before giving it to them ??

Original poster
soapybubbles123 · 23/02/2015 19:03

My glasses are wonky and covered in smears from babybubbles repeatedly trying to pull them off my face.

The ends of my hair quite often have a chewed look to them, again courtesy of babybubbles.

OP posts:
HouseAtreides · 23/02/2015 19:19

I have a small handprint in white pasta sauce on my cardigan shoulder
I have a pull-up in my handbag
I spent my Christmas gift voucher on little shoes with fire engines on
I often realise I am still sitting with one breast out and DS has pottered off some time ago
Living room smells of poo

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Notfastjustfurious · 23/02/2015 19:26

I have the fireman Sam theme tune stuck in my head and had the weirdest dream about him the other night. Ditto to smeared glass and random blocks/stickers/crayons everywhere. I barely remember the days my living room didn't look like toys r us fell on it.

Tiptoeshoes · 23/02/2015 19:27

Every trip to the toilet I am accompanied by a toddler who claps and tells me well done mummy with every wee/splash.

I always have stickers attached to me. Often on my Boobs.

There is no visible floor space in the living room

My handbag contains baby wipes pull ups small knickers and stickers

Snot on my shoulder always

nousernamesleft · 23/02/2015 19:29

I always have something unpleasant on the back of my jeans, at around thigh height.
I spend most of my day instructing small people to get down from there, or to not to that, or to please stop that.
I no longer appear to have a living room carpet, instead it is a sea of brightly coloured plastic.
You can't do anything or get anywhere in the house without navigating baby gates or cupboard locks.
I move everything from the edge of the table, so small people can't reach even when out for a rare child free evening at the pub with friends

Blazing88 · 23/02/2015 19:36

I look like I've been burgled.

There are about 10 packs of baby/toddler wipes on the go, but not one of them is anywhere near the potty when the toddler announces loudly she has done a poo.

Another potty in the kitchen is on the worktop containing a 'big wee' as I have been unable to escape upstairs to the toilet to empty it.

Mr Tumble is on repeat.

I am singing Balamory Balamory What's the story in Balamory

There is a pink plastic plate containing 3 day old toast inside the ikea kitchen.

My car keys are in the oven.

Husband's car keys are in the bin.

WhatWouldMaLarkinDo · 23/02/2015 19:37

There is a small pile of toys on the back doorstep which have been posted out of the cat flap.

dylsmimi · 23/02/2015 19:38

Snot or yoghurt or something in random places on my clothes which i discover halfway through the work day
i could wrestle anyone into a coat and shoes in order to get out of the door as no adult wrestler is as tough / stealthy and loud as ds2
the words no and stop and don't do that apparently mute once they leave my mouth
i have a resigned sigh and look that wasn't there pre-kids and can tune out most whining/tantrums on a good day!!

WhatWouldMaLarkinDo · 23/02/2015 19:38

And I harbour murderous thoughts about Kate and Mim Mim.

Original poster
soapybubbles123 · 23/02/2015 19:42

I have the words to the Gruffalo stuck in my head.

There are bits of par-chewed rusk stuck to my laminate floor.

My kitchen walls are covered in masterpieces that babybubbles has painted and I've proudly displayed.

OP posts:
PandaDog · 23/02/2015 19:47

Eating a hot meal involves shoving it into your mouth as fast as possible to avoid sharing.
Getting into bed and lying on a very hard toy of some sort.
Feeling like a broken record, I'm sure the ndn think so too.
The joyful moment ds finally goes to sleep and you get that time to yourself but the drop of heart when you he's crying on the baby monitor.

HouseAtreides · 23/02/2015 19:48

I often find things that have been posted out of the letterbox- yesterday it was my front door key, thanks DS!

MammaBean1988 · 23/02/2015 19:56

the mirrors in my bedroom and bathroom have face/hand/foot prints (greasy & sticky) as well as toothpaste. Indiscriminate toothpaste.

about once a week i find a peed-in potty in a random place (DD's room, obscure corner of my room, under dining table)

we don't have white sheets any more. we have stained sheets which I know are chocolate/strawberry/jam but which don't look like these things (no matter how many times I wash them)

all the dust caps/domes/the wee round middle bit on all my loudspeakers (i likes my musics in every room) have been poked in...repeatedly.

no matter how many stuffed animals go to the charity shop, there are at least 400% more in DD's room (and bed) by evening.

WaitingToFeelSomeWiggles · 23/02/2015 19:56

reallywitty crush on daddy pig made me lol!

There is a 99% chance you will slip on a toy car in every room you enter.

The knows off my cooker are in the washing machine.

My shoe is filled with wee.

scratchandsniff · 23/02/2015 20:05

My hair looks shit and has more greys in it

I'm always saying I'm tired without even realising I'm doing it

Our carpet has various stains

I wake up at 6 regardless

There are toys in every nook and cranny

My fingers seem to smell of poo even though I give them a good scrub after nappy change

I want to murder Norman price

I've watched monsters inc millions of times

Melawen · 23/02/2015 20:06

Hmmm, let me think....

I have the Frozen CD in the car, along with box of tissues for messy noses!

I find random socks all over the place!

The balloons in my house seem to be breeding!!

Penguiney · 23/02/2015 20:07

I have peppa pig on every available television and iPad/iPod/iPhone.

I have Toys in my bed, a kitchen in my living room, glitter all over my kitchen, a blue stain on my boob from when we painted over the weekend and my bookshelf is full of kids books.

My cats spend their time hidden under things or running away from the little person who wants to 'cuddling' them, I find it acceptable to wipe bodily fluids off another person with my bare hands, I clap and cheer when said little person counts, sings the abc song or sings nursery rhymes in toddler words.

I sang the upsy daisy song and old macdonald more than 15 times each on a car journey as the little person kept saying "again mummy, sing eeoh, sing upsy daisy".

acjfluff · 23/02/2015 20:10

I assume the screaming child I can hear is mine, even when he's not with me.

Yes to not being able to wee alone!!

I can't have a shower without a little head poking round the shower curtain saying "hiya mummy". Repeatedly.

I have a random assortment of toys in the back of my car and in every room of the house.

Cheesymonster · 23/02/2015 20:14

I have crayons in my handbag.

I go to bed at 9.

I once went to work with snot on my cheek from a goodbye kiss.

Tangoandcreditcards · 23/02/2015 20:16

I have Philadelphia handprints all over my suit jacket*

*on the back, where I noticed it when I got home from work having been to lots of v important meetings today

Tangoandcreditcards · 23/02/2015 20:16

I really hope it's Philadelphia...

Tangoandcreditcards · 23/02/2015 20:17

Oh!! dylsmimi snap!

ChoochiWoo · 23/02/2015 20:18

Everything is broken or missing Angry

DrDiva · 23/02/2015 20:19

I exclaim "look, choo choo!" As I walk down the street. Then realise I am alone.