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Original poster

Reluctant to let son in friends car....

13 replies

lostscot · 19/02/2015 09:07

My ds6 is going to a friends party on Sunday, it's in next town 40 mins away and they are traveling in mums and other parents cars. I've got absolutely no problem with ds going to party but I'm in a right stress about the transport! Background is ds has health problems whole time I was pregnant, meningitis at 6 mths and pneumonia at 2 1/2, I've suffered anxiety the whole time and always struggled leaving them at all so it's not come up till now. Do I say I'll take him there and risk offending my friend or do I have to just let him go.....

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pictish · 19/02/2015 09:10

Let him go. If you pander to your unreasonable anxieties, they will rule the roost. This is a good opportunity for you to stand up to them and give him some independence. x

squizita · 19/02/2015 09:10

Is ds 6? If there's an appropriate seat/booster he will be fine.

I find with anxiety it's important to feel afraid but do it anyway - then it becomes easier and easier. Also for LOS ... don't want my dd saying "mum why could I never do xyz?" and it was my fear caused her to miss out.

Maybe explain to the mum driving ds has has health problems causing you to be anxious, and could they ring you when they arrive so you know all is well?
I have found most people understanding of anxiety if I explain.

NerrSnerr · 19/02/2015 18:03

If they have the correct booster seat then I would let him go. He'll have to have lifts at some point?

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DirtyDancing · 19/02/2015 22:06

Before I had my DS, who is now 13 months, I would have said let him go. But now I say do what you feel comfortable with. At 6 his is probably old enough to do with your friend, but there's no have to or must. If you feel it's too soon then do not feel worried about being embarrassed. Xxx

Original poster

lostscot · 19/02/2015 22:11

Thanks all, I'm working on maybe I let him go one way and then be in town with dd anyway so could bring him home, that's sort of facing it....I know the likeliness of them having a accident or something is low but I just can't get the what if out my head :-(

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squizita · 20/02/2015 08:45

Dirty there is a reason when the child is 6 (so goes to school daily) and the OP admits herself it is a phobia/anxiety.

Otherwise you end up using the "mothers instinct" thing when it's way out of line and before long you have a teenager not allowed to take the bus and a mum who has not allowed herself to relax in 15 years and has ingrained mh issues. I've seen this at work and unfortunately someone I know.

Brandysnapper · 20/02/2015 08:50

Other parent isn't likely to have a fbb seat, so I would want to give them my own for the journey. then hide in a cupboard till he came back I think never letting anyone else drive your dc is overly anxious, yet I think the cavalier approach of a lot of other parents (dcs in the front seat with no booster etc) is a genuine risk.

Fiddlerontheroof · 20/02/2015 08:51

Be brave, he's statistically just as likely to be in an accident with you as someone else, he will be fine. Ask the friend to text you when they get there, and when they are leaving. xx

pictish · 20/02/2015 09:03

I don't think that heading to the town he's going to, just so you can bring him home yourself is a good idea. It's barmy actually, and I'm sure in your rational mind you know that.
If you pander to these anxieties, your issues are only going to take a firmer hold, and ultimately you'll both suffer as a result. It's normal for school age kids to go off on independent adventures with their friend's families, and taking that away from him would be selfish and all about you, rather than loving towards him.

I'm sorry if that sounds blunt but I'm trying to avoid rambling. I sympathise with you, but you must see that these are your issues, and it's unfair to make him bear the brunt.
No good can come of limiting his experiences to serve yourself.
Please seek some guidance and perhaps counselling to help you work through the trauma that his illness has placed on you. You'll both be glad that you did. x

Katekoom · 21/02/2015 03:35

I think bite the bullet. Its not really a dangerous situation. The worst case scenario could happen with any driver, including yourself.

Worth remembering that many parents are extra cautious when transporting other people's children.

I fully understand anxiety and don't envy you that sense of dread, but try to push yourself out of your comfort zone - you'll feel great that you did and he 'll be perfectly safe.

Good luck x

Original poster

lostscot · 24/02/2015 22:29

Thanks all, ds went to party had a lovely day and dd and I had some girls time shopping in the opposite direction!

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BackforGood · 24/02/2015 22:42

I opened this, assuming you were going to be asking if you should allow a 17 yr old son to be driven to a party by his 17 yr old mate or something!

I'm glad you let him go, and managed to distract yourself. A great step forwards.

Original poster

lostscot · 25/02/2015 16:26

Aargh don't even want to think about that one!!

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