DH is basically allergic to 16mo DD crying/whining and blames me!

[zissou]

My DH is a great Dad and I really cant complain as he also does most of the housework and shares all the cooking etc (well we both love it so doesnt really count..!). One thing is though. That he turns into a different person when DD makes any noise that isnt adorable babbling etc. He is short, inpatient and therefore does ANYTHING to placate her. Usually involving food... Which i dont condone, as I feel she's getting old enough to start understanding what her whining will get her.! Worse still, he claims that she doesnt cry and whine when he's with her on his own and makes me feel like it's ME! I do feel like she is more vocal when I'm around but being made to feel like its my fault seems so unfair! I already have guilt about working part time (he works from home). Anyone else in similar boat?! I'd love to know I'm not alone!

He sounds very far from a "great" dad

She's more vocal with you because she knows you'll pay attention to her, not just shove food in her mouth. Tell him that and say he has to learn to pacify her without food. A walk around the block would be my suggestion for him (with baby of course..)

He sounds like a lazy dad and a horrible DH for blaming you for nt being able to cope with her noise.

I get exactly the same comment. She is much more clingy and whingey with me, which is apparently because she knows I'll pick her up. I think it's just because I'm usually the one who feeds, clothes, bathes, plays with her, rather than just sitting staring at my laptop/phone!

I think it's a man thing in terms of the food - it's my DH's reaction to either child crying (DS2yo & DD12wks) - to suggest/give milk. It's the lazy, quick fix. Drives me potty.
Also YY to DH just wanting to sit on his arse (I think both of the above are related).

Sounds like you need a trip somewhere, leaving dd with daddy so he can work out that over the course of a whole day (better yet try a weekend at a spa with your best mate) that feeding to placate isn't the only thing & yes, they do just make that noise sometimes.

(Also just because a man does housework & cooking doesn't make him a great dad, it just makes him a decent grown up!)

wow, terrible post there Gwinnieneedsapie!!

aren't you stereotyping just a bit

imagine if a man said that of a woman....don't blame mankind because you have a lazy arsed husband, dh is nothing like that.

Yeah, you could be right ssd (on both the stereotyping and the lazy arsed husband!). Suitably chastised.

I've come across this amazing phenomenon before - men who are wonderful parents when their children are being model offspring, but who absent themselves when their children behave like actual human beings.

Children can be boring, annoying, whining, less than perfect. And they need dealing with anyway. If he really wants to be a great dad, he will have to step up to the plate at these times, too, and parent, not just do anything that will get him out of it.