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Two under two... It gets easier, right?

103 replies

Keepontrudging · 07/02/2015 13:12

So... I currently have two under two. Ds is a very, VERY active 21 month old and ds is 6weeks. It is not as hard as I anticipated, but it's HARD! The lack of sleep is the culprit. I am assuming it can only get easier as DS starts to sleep better? Some friends have said otherwise which is scaring me... As once younger one is mobile you have two to run around after. I don't see how that can be harder than being up from 4am after interrupged sleep, but then what do I know really?! I'm new to all this ??

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EugenesAxe · 09/02/2015 17:53

Yep, it does.

There will be positives about every combo - mine are 20 months apart and I like the fact that they don't restrict each other so much, when it comes to age/size limited activities. You know, like not being able to do something the elder would be able to do because you've got a baby or toddler in tow. I'm sure there would be ways round this, but it's more hassle. With DH working long hours it's good that we can easily go out to a place that works for them both. And they really love and look out for each other :)

When it comes to bathing in those early months, dunk your little one in and change him/her on the bathroom floor, while the other plays for a while.

Ness1234 · 09/02/2015 18:11

My children are now teenagers and are close in age. I would say the key thing is getting any child sleeping through the night, when mine were little 9 months seemed to be key. I would then say the easiest time if you don't have relatives nearby or nannies was when they started nursery at 3 years old, giving you some breathing space. I've not sure my post is being very helpful, I thought at the time the baby years were tough but looking back they are a walk in the park compared with teenage years, sorry but enjoy the early years.

Member345787 · 09/02/2015 19:39

16 months between mine, and I agree that in those early days, it is the lack of opportunity to catch up with sleep that caught me out second time round. With DS1 as newborn, I catnapped during the day with him and luckily he settled into a great sleep routine by 14 weeks. When DD2 was expected, we arranged for DS1 still to attend nursery two mornings a week, and GPs had him one afternoon - which was my saviour, because as soon as he was out of the door, I only had his baby sister to worry about, and I could sleep when she did! Then it was only two days during the week that I couldn't catch up.
Best of luck!

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Keepontrudging · 09/02/2015 19:50

I fear I'm an observer too, tbh! CBeebies bedtime hour is also a life saver here.
middlings that did make me giggle... Hehe

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bluelamp · 09/02/2015 19:58

18 month gap here, they are now 7 and 5 and it was definitely worth it, much easier than a nearly 5 year gap when you have to manage the school run and a newborn, or the schoolrun and potty training. Shudder.

Libramum · 09/02/2015 20:00

I think it gets easier with every month. 20 months between mine, and a big turning point was when little one was weaned so their feeding routine was the same. Really like the close age-gap now (aged 3 and 5) when they can play together and enjoy similar things.

TooManyMochas · 09/02/2015 20:04

And I thought having a newborn and a 3yo was bad enough Grin. I'm in awe of you all.

papax2 · 09/02/2015 20:16

We have an 11 month gap between ours, 16 months and 5 months,amazingly they both sleep soundly,still tired!

450fromPaddington · 09/02/2015 20:35

I had 3 under 18 months. Don't worry OP you've got to the 6 week mark, the most tiring bit is over! Your sleep will only improve from this point on.

My favourite thing was synchronising the midday nap. I find if I can put my feet up for a couple of hours at midday I can cope with anything for the rest of the day.

Good luck Smile

timtam23 · 09/02/2015 21:12

I once met someone who had one baby, then got pregnant again extremely quickly and it was twins. The twins were then born very early so I think they had 3 under 9 months!! Shock
They had one of the massive triple buggies, the one with an extra seat on top. The dad always seemed very chilled out. It made my 20 month age gap seem enormous!

Bodeccia · 09/02/2015 21:14

My dd 1 was 22 months when my twins were born, has 3 under 2 for a while there. It is hard in the first months, but I would say that having a routine really helped us. This didn't emerge for us until at least 4 months tho.

Don't worry if you're not being patient all the time (I know I'm not), have faith that you're doing the best you can. It is really cute to see their relationship develop as they get older. Dd1 is now nearly 3 and dts are 11 months. The time does go quickly, and it will get easier

AmantesSuntAmentes · 09/02/2015 21:25

Two of mine are exactly 50 weeks apart. At one point, I had four under six, two of whom were under one and had just been made a single parent - it was a tough time but it does become more easy!

My two at 50 weeks apart did get up to all sorts when smaller but it was fun and far more easy than the sleepless, early days. Now, as they've all got older still, everything's a breeze.

Looking back, it's all a bit of a blur but I wouldn't change a second of it Smile

80schild · 09/02/2015 21:26

17 months between my two. I can't believe some of the gaps on here, they make me look like a wimp.

I remember the morning I nearly became an alcoholic. Luckily an intervention occurred at 9 am which stopped me in my tracks.

Now DS1 is at school and DS2 at nursery life is easier. I am not rushing back to work - I need to recover from the first 3 years of their lives.

Mrsteddyruxpin · 09/02/2015 22:54

I have a 14 month gap. Really not sure if I am finished having babies as late 30s bu I think I am

It's hard (one year old and newborn) but not as bad as I though though didn't bf as long this time

var123 · 10/02/2015 08:48

It gets easier at around 16 weeks when you start to get enough sleep.

Then it gets harder when the baby starts to move around. Chances are when the baby crawls left, the toddler will run right.

Mine are 12 and 11 (years) now. Its starting to get easier again as they've begun to like each other.

elfride · 10/02/2015 09:32

I found going from 1 to 2 children a lot harder than I had anticipated. I found having a first child a total breeze (and was expecting it to be such a huge shock) that it made me complacent about having 2! Mine are 2 years 1 month apart, and we had also just moved areas and didn't really know anybody, no family near etc.

I went a bit nuts trying to give DD1 everything I'd given her before - we went to at least one group/class a day, did baking, did painting, and all sorts. I should have been easier on myself. It's true she and I both needed to get out every day, but the moment I gave in to the fact that TV was not evil, cake-bribery got us through the day, and potty training etc could wait until I could bear it, life got much easier.

They are now 3.5 and 18 months and I would say it has got easier and easier. I found a couple of really lovely local friends also with 2 under 2 at that time, and for a whole year now we have been taking turns to host toddler tea every Friday while we drink wine. This has HELPED - especially having people going through similar and knowing they feel the same. It is easier because my eldest, who is full of beans and chats all day long and sticks with me and wants to play all the time, has become much more tolerant about sharing me with her little sister. She has also become much better at pottering on her own, amusing herself with toys etc. This is definitely an age thing as she can play imaginative games - putting her dollies to bed, pretending to be an astronaut and going to the moon, etc - without needing input. At 2 she needed input. She also HAD to get out every day or she'd go nuts and so would I because at 2 she couldn't sustain any activities at home. Now she can - we can play games like Hungry Hippos for ages, or do crafts, and she can watch a whole DVD no trouble, or we can do a puzzle for an hour. So we can stay at home because the options are so much better.

Also DD2 was basically carried in a sling for the first 10 months of her life so I could get on with things and because she only wanted to snuggle :) , and has always been quieter, a better sleeper, a better feeder, etc, so now she is walking and beginning to communicate she'll also have spells of pottering about by herself.

I have to say I did terrible things to get sleep. I let DD2 sleep on her tummy from six weeks old because that was the only way she would sleep. I really regret that, even though of course she was fine. She co-slept in her cot (attached to our bed) for six months. We did a version of CC at six months even though I was dead against it for DD1 (different situation - DD1 is a sleep-resister, DD2 wants sleep and actually gets annoyed if you're there pissing her off with cuddles and lullabies, so it seemed the only way), and I'd rather not do that again even though she actually cried much less when we did that than when we tried to get her to sleep ourselves! But I sympathise - we needed sleep and we went to any lengths to get it. It did make a huge difference when we got it. You'll get there.

It depends a lot on their personalities, obviously, but in my experience it got easier and easier as it went along. Now I want another :D

elfride · 10/02/2015 09:34

PS - don't regret the co-sleeping one bit - loved it - I just meant that it partly offset the tummy-sleeping thing. But I still regret the tummy sleeping.

Middleoftheroad · 10/02/2015 10:17

I had twins and the first years were tough. Now they are nearly nine and it's much easier x

BaconAndAvocado · 10/02/2015 11:45

My 2 were easier as babies/toddlers!

They are now 8 and 6 and are continually fighting and bickering.

Maybe they'll turn out to be wonderful, easy-going teenagers Hmm

Keepontrudging · 10/02/2015 13:56

Amante you legend! What a inspiration.

Elf- don't beat yourself up. I swaddle DS and he has a pillow to raise him and prevent flat head as he was in SCBU, born early so has developed slight flat head on one side from laying flat so much. I know both are frowned upon by some HVs but he sleeps better, I am careful and use products that are well known and well reviewed and I would never suggest for anyone else to do this.

I had a placental abruption with ds so i will never have another. The whole pregnancy was very stressful actually. I am getting sterilised (hopefully) so I want to enjoy his as much as possible! Thanks for invaluable advice and sharing Youn experiences ladies.

OP posts:
Keepontrudging · 10/02/2015 13:57

Sorry for mistakes. Sleep deprivation / baby brain / typing one handed!

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middlings · 10/02/2015 14:50

Sounds like you're doing amazingly well after a tough time Keepontrudging.

I was readying a bit about swaddling recently and read that so long as you don't swaddle the hips too tightly, it's fine.

and I'll let you know if I find a non-criminal way of containing the crazy second child Grin

TheEagle · 10/02/2015 15:03

This thread is illuminating Smile

I'm 26+2 with twins and DS is 16mo. He's a boisterous little boy, always on the go!

I'm quite nervous of what things are going to be like when the twins are born. DS was a horrendous sleeper until about 13mo so I'm not worried about that too much, I just worry that I won't be able to give him the attention he needs.

Also, please tell me it's easier when the 2nd (and 3rd!) are born because I'm really starting to struggle to keep up with DS in my pregnant, exhausted, heartburned state!

middlings · 10/02/2015 15:33

TheEagle it is, I promise (imhe) it is. I vividly remember jumping up off the floor when DD2 was a few days old to go to DD1 and thinking, this is much easier now that I don't have a bump.

I was pregnant through the height of that hot summer we had in 2013 and it was horrible - once she was born things got much easier.

TheEagle · 10/02/2015 15:37

I was pg with DS during that summer too! Ugh, it was awful, couldn't have minded a toddler as well as feeling like I was boiling from the inside out Grin

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