not coping

[milkyman]

i cant cope with 2 yr old - all the tantrums, wilfulness, refusing to have cbeebies off, wanting to take food into his cot, refusing to dress, bath, brush teeth... i know its normal but im not coping. i have been in tears 3 times today, feeling like running away. please help me,

Is there anyone around you can ask to have him for a couple of hours so you can have a break?
Do you go to playgroups, swimming lessons etc? Where you can meet with other parents.
Does he have a set routine? Breakfast 7am, mid morning snack around 10, lunch at 12 then a nap etc or something like this. Then he knows what to expect next.
Holding your hand . Good luck and cry lots ( I always did!!! And mine have both made it to 11 & 9!!)

Offer choices that lead to your outcome, e.g. Do you want lifted up the stairs or do you want to walk? Do you want your sandwich cut up or whole?

Outside every day for at least an hour - walk, park, a nature hunt, feed the ducks, etc.

Warnings - 5 mins and 1 min with visual timers, e.g. 5 mins till I let the water out of the bath.

We try to avoid TV but put on a DVD so the programme comes to an end 'all done'.

Helping - with as many chores as possible. Loading/unloading the washing machine and dishwasher, putting clothes on laundry, 'cleaning' the windows with water and squeegee, mopping/brushing the floor, stirring and weighing things for lunch and dinner, setting the table, etc. DD1 is 2.5 years and able to do all of these.

We still get tantrums thought!

Once the little darlings discover that they have choices it all goes a bit wrong for a bit, and life does get really difficult.

Somehow we survived the 2-3yo phase of establishing independence and exerting control over their little lives by offering them a choice, but only ever between 2 options. So as others have said, 'do you want to walk, or do you want to be carried', 'sandwiches in triangles or squares', 'do you want to wear the blue trousers or the green ones'.

And letting them do as much as they want to 'help' made life easier, so DD is pretty good at loading and unloading the washing machine and tumble dryer, putting her toys away if you turn it into a race of who can put the most in the box.

Also, we say 'i'm going to count to 10 and when I get to 10, it's time to put our toys away'...that way they know that the end of the activity is coming and you can make the count as fast or slow as you want/need.

Nothing is foolproof though, and you can still expect tantrums like the world is coming to an end when they've said that they want their sandwiches in triangles, but when presented it turns out they wanted to squares all along. But fingers crossed, you will have fewer of them.

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. It is really hard. My sister was a little sod between the ages of 2-4 - I remember my mum being at her absolute wits' end. She is still quite stroppy now at the age of 21 so I am sure it's an element of your personality you never quite grow out of! All you can do is be nice to yourself as well as to your toddler - your feelings and needs are, in this scenario, as important as theirs as you need to be happy for them to be happy. I would agree with PP that it would be good to hand him over to someone else for the afternoon so you can have a break. How is your DH/DP feeling if you have one?