Please tell me to stp worrying

[milkyman]

I worry all the time that I'm a rubhish mum to my 2 year old. He is very jolly and happy most of the time and people often comment how lovely and affectionate he is but:

He hardly ever brushes his teeth
Cbeebies is gradually on more and more... especially since he's been poorly
I always give in because I can't handle tantrums
He never eats vegs or meat, only 'beige' food - is this my fault for feeding him jars as a baby?

My friend gave some good advice, she said you worry about all these things but they all cease to matter when they go to school because it socialises them.

I'm not sure your friend did give you good advice, tbh. You're not a rubbish mum but you do need boundaries somewhere. Feeding him jars as a baby won't have harmed him but if he's not getting any veg as well as not getting meat (vegetarians can be perfectly healthy with a varied diet) then he really isn't getting the nutrients he needs.

Two year old tantrums are tricky, but you can't just give in - you're teaching him a lesson.

I think we all worry that we're rubbish You just need to learn to accept that being a good enough parent is just fine.

WRT the stuff you mentioned specifically:

• He shouldn't be brushing his teeth - not until he's much older. Teeth in our place are non-negotiable. If DS1 doesn't want them brushed, he gets pinned. We always do it after he's dressed in the morning and after his bath in the evening. Knowing that this is when he always gets his teeth done means DS1 knows to expect it and he's kicking off less and less about it. Would having set times like this help you?
• I'm learning to get over TV guilt. I'm not one of these people, but some do have the TV on from the time they get up in the morning til the time they go to bed at night and still manage not to be drooling morons
• Tantrums. You do have to pick your battles I find, and what do you mean 'you give in'? DS1 threw a paddy when I wouldn't let him run out on the road the other day. Would you give in to that? Thought not. Sometimes what a toddler wants is really not unreasonable, or easily accommodateable. They want a blue cup instead of a green one? Fine - transfer it over, or, better yet, get in the habit of giving them a choice before you pour anything out. Screaming tanty because they want a biscuit two minutes before dinner? Say 'no' and walk away. Easy.
• Beige food. I did baby-led weaning with a massive variety of fresh veg, fruit, grains, pulses, breads, everything lovingly homemade and salt-controlled. DS1 (2.8yo) eats nothing but beige, golden brown and ice cream, except at nursery where peer pressure convinces him to have a slightly more colourful diet. So, no. It's not your fault for using jars. Just keep offering a variety and not making mealtimes a massive deal. Don't fall into the trap of saying, 'I can't make that, because he won't eat it.' Just make it and maybe curiosity will get the better of him this time. Or the next time. Or the next.

I suppose I do have boundaries, no hitting and today he was told off for scribbling on the wall. I have set up a tooth brush step and ordered electronic toothbrush - he is impossible to pin down, even the dentist couldnt open his mouth.. I do offer him lots of food but he never eats it but he does love all fruit so guess im not sooo bad...

I reckon the two battles to fight here are the teeth and the giving in. All two year olds have tantrums, there's nothing wrong with c beebies and if you keep offering him a variety of food eventually he'll take it. The electric toothbrush is a good idea, my friend had one that played a tune for a set time so that they knew when they'd "done enough".
On big stuff you just can't give in. Mine's only 13 months so we're just starting down the hellish road that is tantrums but I remember my nieces' were the stuff of legends. She once had a screaming tantrum for over an hour because she wasn't allowed to have a knife to stab her brother. She was 2. I shit you not. Be firm and calm, they can smell fear. Try not to take it personally, it's not about you and your parenting skills, it's about being two and having to realise that you can't always get what you want.
Fruit is not beige so he won't only eat beige stuff!