Opnions please - am English but speak to DS in French!

[WeeMadMeg]

Dear MNetters -

I would appreciate any thoughts, advice and opinions on the following....I'm English but have been speaking to my DS exclusively in French since he was a bump. I do speak the language very well (almost but not quite native level), have a First Class degree in it and am a qualified French teacher. Most French people usually think I am French for oooh...at least a whole 5 minutes before they twig! DS is 8 months and it seems totally natural to me to chat and sing to him in French all day. Although now doubts are starting to set in - I am getting lots of negative comments from DH's family (he is also English)who think I am crackers, that the whole thing is weird and I will screw up DS for life.

I decided to do this as I really believe this is the best time to start and any exposure I can give him as a young child to another language can do nothing but good. I'm under no illusions that he will grow up a bilingual as I'm am not a native speaker but I hope at the very least it'll give him a massive head start in language learning at school. Or am I mad / wasting my time??

Les Francaises, qu'en pensez-vous? Est-ce que ca vaut la peine essayer de faire apprendre le francais a mon p'tit ou suis-je irrealiste??!

I'd love my children to know another language - friends of friends' children are bilingual (english/Italian) purely because English Mum spoke English and Italian Dad spoke Italian all the time.

It worked for them.

Just don't make him conscious in the playground when the time comes

I am by far no expert, however my uncle had is 3rd DD when working in France (he speaks fluently, his wife can get by). He spoke to her in French her mother spoke to her in english. She in now 6 and has a very good grasp of both languages but, as I have heard can happen, was a late talker. Obviously we dont know if she would have been anyway.

Im sure someone who knows a lot more about this will be along soon.

FWIW, I think you should carry on.

I'm french and dh is english, we live in the UK, I have been talkiung to dd in french since she was born and she is bilingual (although she does have a slight accent in french, which is actually cute!) And I'd like to say she was not a late talker and her language skills were always really advanced (as well as reading skills), so I wouldn't worry about that.
I think what you are doing is great and you shouldn't let your dh's family pressurize you to stop, it's very narrow-minded of them.
In Bristol where we live there is a french school which is attended mostly by half-english-half-french children, but also by a few english children whose parents know french and want to give them a head start in the language, they are not confused in the least and speak very good french.
Please carry on and if possible try and meet some french or half-french families so that your ds can practice with other people. Some people might think what you are doing is strange/pretentious/etc... (sadly), but you are in the right!!!!
Bon courage, tu as tout a fait raison de faire ca!!! Bravo!!!

keep going! my friend had a french mum who spoke to her in French, and english dad who spoke in english and she was fluent in french, english & spanish by 16 (french & english since... she could talk really!) She had a HUGE headstart, took 2 GCSEs early (french & spanish) which left more time to study the others. She is now doing languages @ uni. Whenever we went to France, she had such an advantage... definatly dont stop - you wont confuse him!

Keep at it!

this website may help.

Are you living in france or england

But he's not learning "another" language is he? You have made French his Mother Tongue. Is it good to teach a child any language in isolation?

Could you possibly be just showing off? That sounds very harsh but I don't really understand the point, other than for you to exercise your skill. Sorry if that offends.

I agree SW, if you are teaching him french and he lives in england, won't he find it really confusing when he tries to speak to people and they don't understand him?
A lot of my cousins are bilingual english and welsh, but then they are surrounded by people who speak english and welsh all the day in every day life...

I think if you were in France it would be different or even surrounded with others who speak French

your French is still the learned rather than the native version

I can see why you are doing this but it seems rather like wish fulfillement to me than a wise course of action..I second the French school idea

I think its a great idea I'd love to be more bi-lingual than I am, so useful, I'm not quite at your standard tho, but I've been teaching dd1 snippets of french since she was born, and now she's 3 and they're teaching it at pre-school so we will continue from here, meantime we have ss, who has started Spanish at school, so he's teaching all of us that too

You have the best intentions, but I think it is going to be hard work to get him fluent in French. I live in Belgium, and I'm my children's main source of english, and I've found that they're learning a lot more flemish. But they have to learn English for my parents, so I'm persevering. You can encourage his french without speaking french all the time - going on holidays to France for example, and you will be a great help for his French homework at school. In teenage years it may be that he rebels against you and doesn't want to speak French at all.

Sorry: a bit long! I feel torn about this type of situation; I'm living in France, so DH (French) speaks French to DS, whereas I speak English, it being my mother tongue. I speak fluent French, to the extent that some people have taken months to realise that I am foreign, and I've lived in France for the last 11 years, but TBH although it would make things simpler in some situations, I have never contemplated the idea of speaking French to DS, as it seems unnatural to me to use a foreign language with him. And I've been a bit stunned by the number of French mothers at playgroup etc. who proudly tell me that, having spent a year in the UK/US some time back, they speak perfect English and so are using it with their DC ("an' so 'ee speak ver'well too, 'ee really love ze Magic Rrroondaboot"). While -please don't get me wrong- your French is clearly not in the same category as my very un-PC rendering of their English, to judge from the snippet in your e-mail, nor is it perfect (sorry: once a teacher, always a teacher ). I do wonder whether it's constructive for you to speak a language other than your mother tongue with your DS. Won't he find it a bit odd/unnatural that you speak French only to him? Perhaps it boild down to what your aims are. As you say, he'll never be bilingual, but he will have a head start, if you are absolutely sure that your accent is good enough to provide a satisfactory linguistic model for him: it would be awkward if a few years down the line he questioned what you'd done because people in France corrected the pronunciation or grammar he'd learnt from you. Most bilingual kids go through a rejection phase where they speak only the dominant language, and your DS might put you through a bit of grief then. But if you're sure enough of your real goals, why not? Sorry if it sounds judgemental... but then, you did ask!

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I understand your point of view, and DP & I discussed this often before DS was born. DP & I are both English but both speak fluent French & have lived in France in the past. Most people assume that we will teach DS1 (15mths) French and are surprised when I say that we are not speaking to him in French fully yet. However, we feel that we should speak to him in our mother tongue - English, and that although our French is very good (so modest!)and we work in French every day, we are not French and I'm sure we do make some mistakes. We have French family and we know that we will always visit France an so DS will have probably more exposure to French than the adverage kid. Also we have bought him some books in French (Petit Ours Brun for example) and will get him DVDs of TV programmes that he is already familiar with. I'm sure this will give him a big head start but will also be a bit more realistic. By the way, I know another family with teenage kids who have cousins in Switzerland and their kids speak excellent French just from having lots of contact with their Swiss cousins.

I don't have a professional view on this - just I have observed my brother and sister in law and my neice and nephew. They all lived in Spain until a couple of years ago. SIL is Spanish, brother is bilingual. The theory was that sil would speak to the children in Spanish, db in English. The trouble was that the db was at work, and only saw them at the weekends. Their mother tongue was definitely Spanish,and their English was very shaky indeed. They moved to England two years ago when they were 9 and 5 and went to an English school. They are both now in a position where they speak good English and very good Spanish, but are not absolutely fluent in either. The now 11 year old finds that her writing in particular is well behind her peers in both languages. I have no idea whether this situation is typical, or whether it's due to bad luck or mismanagement of the situation, but it's certainly how it is for one family and a great worry to everyone. It's not good,IMHO, either academically, psychologically or emotionally not to have a "native tongue" - however languages you learn in later life!

Ladies, I'm sorry I had to leave the thread but had a bit of a scare and DS had to spend Thurs night in hospital...loooong story...but he seems OK now!
Anyway maybe it's because I'm still feeling a bit emotional or maybe because this fright helped me put things in perspective but am crying as I read the replies...
Have decided that a) yes, it most likely is a pointless enterprise b) am not good enough at French to be attempting it anyway So am going to stick to English from now on!

Hope he's ok now! How scary for you. Just remember, your knowledge and love of Frnech can be used when he's older to try and encourage him to love French as well, without forcing it upon him, in particular by going on holiday to French speaking countries.

weemadmeg - hope your son is better now, and sorry that you are feeling disheartened about speaking French. My children have always been exposed to many languages, not all of them spoken by native speakers. What is pretentious about speaking another language? Only English people could have that particular hangup!

We have got too many languages in Europe! If you want to get the most out of being a European citizen, you need to speak more than one of them.

Teaching your child a second language is great. You need to supplement your own conversation with French books, dvds etc, and he will learn to speak the language. That is only positive for him. Wish fulfilment for you? Nonsense! He'll thank you when he gets a "free" GCSE!

My mother used to try and undermine me by suggesting that my children wouldnt speak English, but that was pure nonsense. English is incredibly easy to pick up, especially if you are living in an English speaking country.

I hope I didn't dishearten you - I'm really sorry if I did. And I hope ds is fine now. What I was trying to say in my post that in my very limited experience that it's seems to best if a child is really secure in one language before starting another. Why not keep speaking to him in French, but speak English as well - English will be his native tongue but his brain will be so tuned into French that it will come easily to him. It's just giving him every advantage you can - I play music to mine, you speak French to yours.

Coming to the thread a bit late, my MIL did this with dh, and, although he is not bi-lingual, his french is very good, especially spoken.

I've also got a few friends who are fluent in other languages, and speak English outside the home, and the foreign language at home, and their children are bilingual, so I wouldn't say it can't work.

Hope your ds is ok.

'learning a language in isolation'???? what is that supposed to mean Suzywong? does that mean that anyone who's attempting to teach their DCs a different language from the one spoken in the country is doing something wrong, or showing off?
am I teaching my DD italian in isolation since I live in england and DH is english?
WMD's french might not e perfect but I am sure it's good enough. My english is not perfect my any means, should I stop talking all together to my DH or anyone??? should DH stop learning italian and say things to DD or relatives?? please...

I am italian but I swear by Italian has got so bad in the years I've lived here my friend laugh at me at times. I am very aware of it and I do not think it's a good thing. I am worried that DD will learn it not perfectly and with an accent, english and from my region in italy, but at the end of the day she'll have the basis to communicate, to improve it, to chose to live there, work there, etc. it's a big plus.
english will be picked up so so easily the minute he goes to preschool. My friend's and her DH aways spoke to DSs and when they started pre school in the space of couple of months they are almost fluent.

it's crazy to expect perfection. some kids will be perfectly fluent, with perfect accents, some not so fluent in one, some only basic. still it's an added bonus.

GO FOR IT!!! there's not much to loose IMO. even when they do speak a bit late, which is understandable having to learn everything double, it's late, not NEVER!!

sorry if long but got quite upset about some narrow-minded comments.

Ummm.. it's entirely up to you, love
I was answering the OP

I think the most important thing between you and your son is your relationship. If your French is good enough to grow your relationship together, than that's fantastic. You are doing no harm to him and he will be given a fantastic gift.

However, if you sometimes feel that you can't quite express things you want to, or don't have the linguistic resources for interacting with children (e.g. nursery rhymes, songs, the language that comes naturally when speaking in your mother tongue to your child)then I think you should give your actions a bit more thought.

We live in Spain and speak English at home (both DH and I are English). Our DDs are at state school here so they speak native Spanish (the older one, at least; the younger is still learning). DD1 (she's 6) is going through a phase of being embarrassed about speaking Spanish in front of us and English in front of her school friends, so that makes the school run interesting. So I think bilingualism adds a complexity to your relationship with your child and therefore you have to feel confident about doing it. You will be tested all the time.

Sorry for the long winded response. I guess I feel it ultimately comes down to your abilities in French. You need to be 100% sure that you are giving your DS the same mother:son relationship that he would have if you were interacting in English. Otherwise you are taking away something more important than a second language.