Organised mums need your advise!!!

[Mumtobenovember]

Hi everyone I'm a first time mum I had my dd two months premature. She's is 13weeks old 5 weeks corrected age.
I have no routine at all I just go with her but now she's getting older she's clocked on.to this: she usually went to bed when we did and stayed in the lounge with us in her Moses basket or having cuddles we have now tried to establish a bed times and a feeding and nap routine now I'm comfortable her being alone as she's not so tiny anymore. She has gone AWOL she won't sleep in her Moses basket anymore not even in the day she is crying nearly every time she's put down awake she won't go to bed until at least 11 she cries and cries until she comes back into the lounge- I need some order I need a routine anyone care to share their routines for me to get one together- I was considering a Gina ford book but have seen some posts on here that say they are too strict- we still want to cuddle her and love her when she needs if

I meant advice hahaha sorry

Hi, don't be too hard on yourself, you've been through a tough time with your lo being so early and she's still so little. I've got a 20 week old, he hated the Moses basket so got rid of it after a month.
You can only try and stick with a bedtime routine bath, bottle and cot. Maybe sit with your hand on her tummy until she settles to soothe her, she probably just likes cuddles.

My daytime routine has gone to pot a little these past 2weeks as my lo has been unwell and won't settle down for his naps so I've cuddled him. Will get back to a routine when he's better. Go with ur instinct, better than any book IMO!

I held our (fostered at birth-then adopted) 5 weeks prem baby for most of his first 3 months ( in a sling when I wanted to get on with stuff). He didn't like me to be out of his sight if we weren't at home at all until he'd been at preschool for a while (which is understandable when you think about it really...), but has been the most chilled out, confident, humourous, loving boy ever since. He's 14 now and still loves a hug when he's not feeling too cool .

Gina Ford books can be a blessing or a curse depending in the personality of the baby and the parents.

I have a child that thrives in routine so for us, the book was a god send, and the first years a doodle but some may think we made a pact with the devil.

All babies and all families are different. If Gina Ford appeals to you, give it a try. Bollocks to what other people think. If it is too strict for you, adapt it or try something else.

Even if it turns out to be wrong for you, you'll have got closer to finding out what is right for you.

It is old but I think the best advice I got came from How Not To Be The Perfect Mother by Libby Purves.

13 weeks is still very young. Many babies go through this not-so-settled stage. I just about remember being on google asking what to do with my baby as he slept so much. That is a distant memory as of about a week later when he got to 3 months he changed completely.

Anyway, with regard to routine, I would suggest making a note of your feed times. Breast or bottle, just see roughly how long it takes to feed, then note the length between each one. This way, you can provisionally plan your day. When ds was bf, I was lucky to get 45 mins between feeds of an hour to 90 mins. But knowing that I would eventually get those small breaks, I would plan what I wanted to do in them. So first thing was shower and dress. Then (as he stopped sleeping so much) tummy time play. Feeeeeeding time. Had him in a sling to get a bit of hw done. Hoover and washing up. Feed again. Make some lunch to eat during next feed. Feed. Read him stories, sing nursery rhymes. Feed. Welcome dp home and make dinner while he had daddy time. Feed. Bath and wrapped up for bed. Then commenced the nightmare of night time cluster feeding. Oh the joys!

I nappy changed after each feed. I tried to loosely stick to the same pattern of doing things and 2 months later, we are doing great. Must say not to expect too much. You will eventually find yourself slipping into what works for you. Just enjoy baby as hey really don't stay that way forever the hellishness doesn't stay either

Unless lack of routine is hindering your daily life, then I'd say not to worry about one too much. I just tried to do the same things at roughly the same time each day. But a little flexibility can help create more flexible babies/children.

I did find establishing a bedtime routine was very helpful as I had my first two just 15 months apart and it made getting them both down much easier. I would feed them, bath them, do baby massage in their dimly lit room and then put them to bed. I tried to do this around the same time each evening and it was a sanity saver giving us our evenings back!

Oh just to add, now he sleeps from 7-7 (thank repetitive bedtime routine) He has 4 feeds and 3 meals. We have routine to the same extent as before really. Wake up, feed, shower,dress and school run. Breakfast, playtime, feed and nap (I do the housework at nap times). Lunch, stories, feed and school run. Dinner, bath, feed and off to bed.

do you think it could possibly be the Moses basket? by 2 months my dd was in a cot. ive always made it very cosy..

cushion behind head (with blanket over to tuck in and prevent cushion being moved) so that she felt warmth

teddys and a hot water bottle teddy that i would make an hour before bed so cool enough to lie next to but bed nice and warm

a singing nightlight

a mobile

fairy lights cable tied between rungs which stay on till asleep (and come back on when she wakes in night!) so that she can see me.

ive always stayed with her till asleep (in all honesty i rock her to sleep most nights on boob and then pop into cot as she has was very poorly at birth and ended up sleeping on my chest for first 4 wk to regulate her breathing) and her music plays for half an hour after i have left the room

the warmth, spacious musical cot i feel helps her feel relaxed and comfortable and she sleeps well now. it took a while but we got there! people kept telling me to use dummy so she could self soothe but i persisted with my 'cutesy' method and she's not a very content 7mo

(yes my 7mo still falls asleep on me for bed). but as a pp said- it's whatever works for each family.

during the day, as another pp said it's all about thinking ahead. and planning. and lowering expectations. i have always given myself 3 things i need to do that day. in first two months it was generally a wash load. to wash my hair and to cook the dinner. now it's more- get to post office, complete dissertation chapter 3 and another for dd. today it was the ballpit and she crawled for first time!!!

all about the little things. and doing what works for you and your darling baby. before you know it they're 7mo crawling and weaned onto food and you wonder where the hourly feeds disappeared to!!

do you think it could possibly be the Moses basket? by 2 months my dd was in a cot. ive always made it very cosy..

cushion behind head (with blanket over to tuck in and prevent cushion being moved) so that she felt warmth

teddys and a hot water bottle teddy that i would make an hour before bed so cool enough to lie next to but bed nice and warm

a singing nightlight

a mobile

fairy lights cable tied between rungs which stay on till asleep (and come back on when she wakes in night!) so that she can see me.

ive always stayed with her till asleep (in all honesty i rock her to sleep most nights on boob and then pop into cot as she has was very poorly at birth and ended up sleeping on my chest for first 4 wk to regulate her breathing) and her music plays for half an hour after i have left the room

the warmth, spacious musical cot i feel helps her feel relaxed and comfortable and she sleeps well now. it took a while but we got there! people kept telling me to use dummy so she could self soothe but i persisted with my 'cutesy' method and she's not a very content 7mo

(yes my 7mo still falls asleep on me for bed). but as a pp said- it's whatever works for each family.

during the day, as another pp said it's all about thinking ahead. and planning. and lowering expectations. i have always given myself 3 things i need to do that day. in first two months it was generally a wash load. to wash my hair and to cook the dinner. now it's more- get to post office, complete dissertation chapter 3 and another for dd. today it was the ballpit and she crawled for first time!!!

all about the little things. and doing what works for you and your darling baby. before you know it they're 7mo crawling and weaned onto food and you wonder where the hourly feeds disappeared to!!

Of course you can try a gina ford routine. You can try to establish a bedtime routine: possibly a bath, dim the lights.
If Gina works for you great. If not, but you do some sort of routine, but not quite so strict, Also great. And if one night it doesn't work and she cries and cries, you sling the routine, do what needs to be done, don't give yourself a hard time about it, but then the next day go back to at least trying the routine, like dieting , just because one day you slip up, you get right back into the saddle.

I always breast feed ds's and then out them down as they were JUST dozy / sleepy. They settled themselves with no crying and went off to sleep.
Well that happened sometimes. Other times they screamed blue murder for seemed like most if the night!

This is night 3 now of her refusing to sleep and screamed until 2am because I tried putting her to bed at 8 after a bottle and a bath- I don't know why she's got like this she's not only enough to be manipulative surely?!

Oh poor you! She is only really five weeks old so I think it might be a bit early to expect her to sleep through. My DS was 10 weeks early and though he was in a fairly good routine when he got home at 35 weeks gestation he lost that and was awake around the clock feeding every 1.5hrs at the same point. I got completely tired out as no sleep at all (he would not settle after feeds at all) but it did get better! He is now sleeping through (not quite sure why I am awake and on mumsnet but there you go...) but he didn't start doing that until 6 months (3.5 months corrected) as he was just too small to eat enough (slept through once he got to 10lbs... He was just over 2lbs at birth so very small).

When I couldn't cope another mum from the NICU Suggested an American book called Moms On Call. It is a bit crazy and routiney but I found it useful for some ideas (we started swaddling and having him nap in the dark and quiet rather than in same room as us in Moses basket) and it has a good routine to use as an outline. It does do some cry it out stuff which I ignored as DS needs to grow lots so I feed when needed - though I did realise that to start with I was picking him up to feed if he so much as stirred in his sleep so having a routine to aim for stopped me doing that. I also got some ideas from the EASY plan thing (Google it I can't remember who wrote that) which was good. I looked at the Gina book in the library and it scared me a bit as DS sleeps way more than her plan.

In terms of Moses basket it was good for us as DS was so small. We had a rocker for it which was great. He moved to cot at 5.5 months when he seemed a bit big for it (he was probably not even 9lbs then so I can see why full term babies don't like them!).

Hope that helps and don't beat yourself up. You get double the newborn time with an early baby and it is really really hard. Look after yourself and if you can work out a way to get someone else to do a feed to give you a break, that might help? My DH did bedtime feed as a bottle with expressed milk - so he did that at 10pm and I went to bed after the previous feed (8pm or so) until next feed around 12/1am... Hope that makes sense? Also DS was really tired end of day so easier to tank up on a bottle as bf was tiring for him.

Oh and we found this crazy mobile thing works... 100% plastic and weird looking but he is mesmerised by the lights and music..

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0084ZCNAI/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1420943860&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165