How do you manage to parent when stressed/upset etc?

[Shitshit]

I've got a lot going on at the moment.

I'm barely speaking to the DC, never mind taking them out or enjoying them.

The tv is on lots and most meals are simple ones like chicken dippers.

I'm bathing them once a week :(

How do people cope? I just want to be on my own until things get better.

Hi.

I'm not here to judge - you're obviously having a rough time and struggling to cope, but it's not fair on either you or your children to carry on like this. Is depression a factor here? If so do you think you could speak to your gp?

In the meantime I think you need to try and implement a gentle routine depending on the age of your dcs. E.G, have a bath-time and bedtime each day. Set yourself a goal to do something fun with the DC daily (whether it be playing a game, watching a film or going to the park). It doesn't have to be for long, but you do have to work on your relationship with them. As for meals, I think you need to develop some simple and quick meals that are healthy (e.g, jacket potatoes, pasta) and encourage some healthy but simple snacks (fruit, yogurts etc). You CAN do this.

Oh, thank you kit kat. I appreciate not being flamed.

It's not depression as such - I'm just trying to deal with something that has gone in on my life and it's hard.

I always have fruit and yogurts in - they just seem to be eating a lot of the Christmas chocolate at the moment! And I do make things like pasta, jacket potatoes and roast dinner, but it seems like a long time since I've cooked something from scratch (not that they'd eat it anyway!).

I do have a pretty solid routine in place re bedtimes, it's just the baths that have gone downhill. I'm a SAHM and feel done by 6pm... I don't find baths enjoyable and it hurts my back bending down to wash their hair (pathetic I know). Any way to make this easier? They're 6, 3 and 2.

I like the idea of setting aside something fun to do with them every day. I used to, before everything happened and when we were in term time and I had a more structured week. Tonight I read the eldest two a long bedtime story.

Thank you x

Do you have a partner?

Yes, I do

Hey, I also have back problems so can empathise with the bath issue - I struggle too. I personally find doing baths in the morning easier before my back starts to ache too much. Also it means I can relax more in the evening, which may suit you more too if you find you are flagging come 6pm.

Also make some time for yourself each evening if you can once the kids are in bed. I'm getting the impression that you are having to manage on your own a lot of the time so make sure you give yourself a break sometimes.

Sorry x-post. Does your partner know you are struggling? Could he help more?

Husband works very long hours/works away. He does do his fair share, but unfortunately I think he feels the same way about bath times :( he would never say "let's bath the DC/we need to bath the DC"... It's up to me to mention it!

I do tend to chill out when they're in bed, often having an early night myself. I have considered morning baths but not sure if there'd be time with school? This is my normal school routine:

6:50 get up and get ready
7:30 get DC3 up (eldest DC wake early and make themselves breakfast)
7:30 - 8:00 DC3 ears breakfast while I wash up/make pack ups/eldest two get dressed
8:00 we all go upstairs to brush teeth/dress DC3/sort girls' hair/check school uniform is on properly etc
8:30 shoes and coats on
8:40 get in car and drive/walk to school

I am definitely a morning person and sometimes the eldest wets the bed so if I could fit it in, a morning bath might work!

Maybe trial getting everyone up 20 mins earlier in the morning and see if you can fit some morning baths in? Say over a one week period?

I could try, thank you

What about showers for the older two? Or at the very least wash their hands, faces and bottoms before bed (I do that if no bath - as they get older they need a proper clean every day)

Also is it because it is Xmas - that can be quite hard if your partner isn't about much.

But you say you're stressed. So where is your partner in all of this? Yes he works but surely he needs to help you a bit.

What about the wet hair?! I definitely wouldn't have time to dry their hair...

Also OP don't feel you have to wash your DCs' hair every day - I certainly didn't when mine were little . Once a week is fine - perhaps you could do it when your DH is around so it doesn't take so long?

DS (6yo) loves showers.

DD1 is yet to be convinced! That would be easier though.

DH also has a lot going on... It's both of us... So it's hard.

Do you ever take them swimming? Showering at the pool after lessons is a great way to get DC (and their hair) clean.

Ok so if I just quickly washed them, but not their hair, that wouldn't take too long?! Determined to turn this around!

I've never taken any of them swimming

I've always been way too self-conscious of getting in the pool. It is actually my mission this year to turn that around though...

Badly! But an occasional bit of bog standard parenting never did anyone any harm. As long as they're fed, washed and have clean clothes and comfy beds, and are (and feel) loved, then they're doing ok.

You actually sound like you are doing really well parenting-wise, for someone going through something very difficult. I think just try to carry on while you come out the other side of it, and if it seems to be getting worse rather than better then see your GP and lean on friends/family more too. They do say if you're going through hell, keep going! xx

I shower my DC rather than bath them. Easier on the back and generally much quicker - could that work?

Meal planning and batch cooking seems to be popular on here, although I'll admit to not being organised or motivated enough for either. I'm sure it does make life easier though.

Drying hair is just a towel rub surely?

Or remove the shower attachment, sit them down and shower that way. If your eldest wets the bed she needs a shower whenever it happens to get the wee off of her skin.

I just don't wash my children's hair unless they have pain/porridge/mud in their hair, my parents didn't wash my hair when I was a child and I survived, in fact my hair looks quite lovely in photos from my childhood.

I bath my dc every night but that's mostly as it's part of the bedtime routine and we all enjoy it, I get in the bath with the kids and we have a play and a cuddle, I'm then clean for the next day as well.

I hope things get easier for you soon

Re the bath times - I have 3 dc ages 4, 2.5 & 4months and I only manage to bath them by getting in the bath with them which makes it easier & much more fun especially for baby.

Or my older 2 adore the shower but I cant get them out !

I used to bath my youngest two during the day whilst the older one was at school. The older one bathed /showered whilst I started putting the younger ones to bed. It broke the day up a bit and made bedtime a bit less frantic. Try to get out each evenif it's just a quick walk.

Some help tips maybe:

• get x2 steps ( toddler ones to reach toilet/ sink etc). Put next to bath so they can all climb in and out themselves, with you just handholding younger ones. Means no lifting in and out bath

• pile bath with bubbles and toys and throw all three children in together. This passes a good 30-45mins where they can play and be contained. Let them wash own hair with water. Only shampoo once a week, they really don't need more at that age.

• after baths let all three sit in your bed wrapped in towels with books ( where wally great for non readers), then you can get one at a time to brush and blow dry hair. Trying to get all done at same time is bedlam. Then they are dry themselves from being in towel and hairdryer so can all get pjs on

I second the shower idea. It only takes a few mins and like others have said hair washing isn't always necessary.

Check out netmums for all the local toddler groups in your area. They seem to have them all listed.

Try to go to one a week. The dc will enjoy it and you will feel better for doing it too.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Some of what you have said strikes a cord with me but I can see you feel you have let your standards drop. I did that too - I had too! I was bogged down with it all but I told myself it was and is ok to let them slide!

Don't give up on raising them, take tiny baby steps to improve your life.

Have you got family nearby?

plonk them all in the bath together?

It's what my mum did. Until I hit puberty, LOL

You can take short cuts you know.

I find following a routine easiest when I am stressed an tired. The kids respond well to it.

For example, after dinner (at 5:30) it's homework (30 mins max, I set timer), bath time starts at 6:30. After everyone is bathed they can faff about.

Before going to bed lay out uniforms and school bags.

It becomes a habit.

The thing that is tiring is THINKING about everything. SO following a routine works, as you can do it on auto-pilot after a few weeks.