Those with 2 children - which stage is the hardest?

[DIYandEatCake]

I have two gorgeous dc's (dd, 3.9 and ds, 12m) who are pretty good really but I am finding this stage such hard work. Ds is having a phase of waking several times a night, he's very mobile but not quite walking, constantly climbing, trying to get into the bin, toilet etc. and is screaming in rage when thwarted. Dd can't do anything without him launching himself at whatever she has. Dd is struggling with this, but is also in a bit of an anxious phase, difficulty going to sleep, wanting playing with and cuddling all the time. They're both pretty fussy with food.
Please can someone tell me that it will get better, that when he's 2 and she's 4 it will be less relentless? (At least from September she'll be in school). Or is it actually harder when the little one's 2 and feisty?

Teens have the capacity to totally ruin their lives in a way that toddlers do not. (ie. get pregnant, smoke, possibly commit crime, suffer emotionally with stress of exams, cyberbullying) The fact that they are so independent and almost like adults makes it impossible to control them in the same way that you can control a two year old. Teens can be vindictive an obnoxious in a way that small children are not.

Looking after a toddler is harder work physically than a teen. However toddlers don't normally play mind games with their poor parents.I don't think you can compare having a teen with having a toddler. They are different experiences. Some teens are lovely and others are plain evil. Some toddlers are really easy to look after.

I would rather have the hard work and lack of sleep of a toddler than a teen threatening to commit suicide. Thankfully ds has been well for the past two years. However I have the knowledge that if he really wanted to kill himself its unlikely I could stop him. He is bigger and stronger than me.

reallytired- that's quite a negeative view of teenagers.

"I would rather have the hard work and lack of sleep of a toddler than a teen threatening to commit suicide"

Thankfully the situation is unlikely for most parents of teens.

Reallytired, try not to rise to it. Not worth it.

Anyway, sounds like you have had one hell of a difficult time of it in teenagedom. There is very little psychological dimension to caring for young children, it's physical work and tiredness, but I do imagine teenagers to take up a lot more emotional energy and that worries me.

What most worries me full stop is the idea of my children being driven about in cars by teenage friends, or indeed themselves driving. Thankfully that's not for another 14 years, and DH tries to reassure me that advances in motoring technology will mean that there are hardly ever any accidents. I'm praying that's the case!

You're at the baby/toddler stage where EVERYTHING is hands on - so it's really hard work - but on the other hand, you have their unconditional love and lots of cuddles. As the mum of 10 and 14 yr old boys, I have to say that each stage has its delights and drawbacks, and I'm not sure what I would call the easiest or hardest. Between 6 and 10 I can't remember any major drawbacks, but I'm sure at the time I would have been able to list loads. All I would say is it gets easier the older they get in terms of physical effort and having to be there all the time for them - but it gets harder in terms of emotional and psychological effort - teenagers can really do your head in with their attitude, lying, video games, verbal abuse and general moodiness, but on the other hand it's amazing occasionally to have a really good discussion with them about the world, the environment, school, politics or whatever and realise what brilliant people they're becoming.

Some of my 14 year old's peers are into smoking weed and staying out really late, scaring their parents half to death, so I realise mine is probably not that hard work; but his inability to exist less than 1 metre from a wifi enabled device with a screen drives me round the bend.

The thing about having two kids is that every 'bad' stage you have with the elder, you look at the younger and think 'this will be even worse with DS2'...

I currently have a 15yr old DD and a nearly 2yr old DS - a toddler and a teenager all at once isn't actually as bad as it sounds!

DS requires a lot more time and energy and if I've had enough of him I can't just leave him to his own devices and have a break so he's much more tiring but he's also adorable.

DD is lovely because she's becoming a young woman, I love her sense of humour and in some ways she's much easier than DS. But when she does have problems they're not quite so easily solved with distraction as DS's.

Every age has its challenges and benefits and they're all great but the hardest for me was probably the pre-teen years, getting the balance of looking after v independence there was difficult - maybe it'll be easier next time round?

I have two ladies, 4 and 2. To this day I stil question what I was thinking having a smallish age gap but I found it hard with them up until recently. When my youngest walked words could not describe how hard I found it, both my girls are head strong and over the last 3-4 weeks my youngests speech came on ten fold. Now I'm finding it a little easier each day with them as they do entertain each other for more than 5 minutes before they argue or fight. I thought it would be easier when my 4 year old went to school in September, she is the youngest in the year, it got harder. She is so tired when she gets home that the anger was a new problem to face... In short we still have good days were they are a pleasure and days that are not. With my little one developing everyday she gives the big one a run for her money, some of the games they play I wished I could bottle up and keep forever. The biggest tips I can give is choose your battles wisely and keep your cool. Any attention is welcomed attention for a little one, even if they are being naughty as hell. I have learnt to explain to her why not to do something once, second is a last warning and then third step punishment... That's is all xx

I have 2 ds one at 13 yrs old an one 18 months I'm finding the eldest really hard work he's turning into a monster lol that knows exactly how to press my buttons and just for how long b4 I become a momzillar I don't recognise myself anymore or him for that matter I feel like I'm on constant 'nag' mode an we're both miserable we do laugh sometimes when little one is playing etc he's such a character already but he's coming up to the twos an displaying attachment problems (I can't leave him in his cot an sit 2 ft away where he can see me an touch me without him full on screaming I never had that with eldest so I'd say right now is the hardest part as I'm being challenged both ways by them both.
Thank god for coffee lol

I agree with others that it's physically the hardest work when they are little, but emotionally much more draining when they are teenagers. Mine are both teens and I have been in situations in the last couple of years that I simply could not have imagined when they were younger. I'm told it all gets better when they turn 21, and I sincerely hope that that is the case.

My 2 girls are 6 and 7 and a school year apart. We had them close together to get over baby phase in one bang but now I find homework a nightmare. They both are at ages where they need support. I am envious of friends with a bigger age gap as the older one can get on with things. That said they like the same things, are great friends most of the time and I have been told you reap the rewards of having them close later on. I'm just waiting for that!

For me the toughest bit of having 2 under 3 was when the 3rd (unplanned!) one arrived. Now have an almost 5, 3.5and an almost 2. It gets easier in stages - potty training, out of the buggy etc. Eldest is @ school & middle @ nursery and that does take the pressure off, mostly because it gives a definite structure to the day. I really struggle with a lack of structure & sometimes its just too hard to enforce one for the sack of it. Not looking forward to the holidays! Just getting out of the house to do anything helps even if its just driving around in the rain!!!