Those with 2 children - which stage is the hardest?

[DIYandEatCake]

I have two gorgeous dc's (dd, 3.9 and ds, 12m) who are pretty good really but I am finding this stage such hard work. Ds is having a phase of waking several times a night, he's very mobile but not quite walking, constantly climbing, trying to get into the bin, toilet etc. and is screaming in rage when thwarted. Dd can't do anything without him launching himself at whatever she has. Dd is struggling with this, but is also in a bit of an anxious phase, difficulty going to sleep, wanting playing with and cuddling all the time. They're both pretty fussy with food.
Please can someone tell me that it will get better, that when he's 2 and she's 4 it will be less relentless? (At least from September she'll be in school). Or is it actually harder when the little one's 2 and feisty?

so clearly by my name - I have 2 kids. Each time they got to one stage, my mom would say just wait until....and it gets easier. HAHA. Yes some stages are easier in some ways, but more difficult in others. Baby stages are tough and the age gap between your kids also makes a difference. I agree with paddyclampo - after 3 it gets easier. Especially once they are potty trained (day and night). It also helps if you children get along. Encourage them to learn to play together. Have games they can play with just each other...best of luck!

I found about 2.6 to 5 pretty damn hard tbh.
Though sometimes it's hard to see which was dd and which I was finding parenting harder because of life events etc. e.g I had ds when dd was 2.11 so I probably found it harder then.
With ds I can see this he is getting more difficult in some ways, now he is approaching 2 and a half. But he is also more compliant in other ways (and can understand and communicate better) once mine were 4 and 1 I found it pretty ok tbh and now they are 2 and 5 (though I have 7mo ds2 also) it's fine. it's juggling all 3 that is difficult, despite ds being a dream baby, when I have the oldest ones I think wow... So easy! :o
I don't think it's necessarily a continuous improvement. More of a general upwards trajectory! No doubt there will be difficult stages and big changes which make things easier too! But this particular stage will end :)

MrsMarigold I'm afraid dh and I had to hit rock bottom before things got better for us. We ended up separating and living apart for a couple of years before getting back together and moving on with a much healthier relationship. I do feel that if we had only talked more to each other about how hard we were both finding things we would probably have pulled through together instead of separately as we did. I think we both sunk our energies into the children and didn't have much spare for each other, and resented each other for not providing support. All too common I think when in the very exhausting stages of parenting.

When they are teenagers you'll look back and think how easy this stage is.

Or not as the case may be. I rather enjoy living with my teenagers, and I know plenty of people that didn't find teenage years particularly difficult. Too many variables I think to determine.

lizzie- I don't agree. I find the teenage years the easiest yet. The teenage years are the ones everyone warns you about and while I don't doubt some may find it difficult it is certainly not like this for everyone.

I find the teenage years a breeze.

My mum had pretty easy teenagers (me and my sis polishes halo ) I think she worries about us more now we're in our 30s

Mine are 16 and 18 and I posted my answer above which was that the first two years were by far the hardest. I love teenagers, they are by far the most interesting age.

This is a very common question on MN along with "what is the best age gap". You tend to get most answers from people with small children, or even based on their own childhood.

I always think when I see these threads that you should try posting on the teenagers page for answers from parents who actually have experience of children from birth to 18+.

Exactly squirrel- it doesn't quite mean the same when replies are coming from parents of 5 year olds!!

I love teenagers too- my own and their friends. They are bright, sparky, I love their way of looking at life, they are often honest, direct and surprisingly sensitive. They are sailing in uncharted territory and do still need support, will sometimes feel vulnerable. THey are adults who have yet to become jaded, often cheerful and very optimistic.

I think teenages gey a very bad press - I too was warned by everyone about how awful it would be having teenagers, but my experience is thankfully far from my expectations.

once they both/all start sleeping right through on a regular basis, whatever age that is, things get much easier.

Mine are 4 and 7 and in some ways I'm finding this stage hard because my youngest has night terrors, my eldest gets up too early and they both talk non stop. However they go to nuraery and school so I do get a 'break'.

It depends on the child I think. When Ds was 3 and dd was a baby it was a piece of piss because she slept loads and loads and Ds was very well behaved. Dd, now at 4, isn't a great sleeper and is actually quite naughty and also intelligent which is a bad mix. Also they fight now which does my head in.

I have got 2.5 years between mine, they are now just over 5.5 and 3.

TBH I think the hardest bit was when the little one was 18 mths to 2.5 - separation anxiety.

Its just getting easier now.

Because with parents of teenagers you are talking 10/11/12 years upwards ago from when their children were really small, and the passage of time has a habit of making things seems an awful lot better or worse than they actually were. So I tend to gloss over parents of teenagers talking about their experience of toddlerdom, and most interested in those a couple of years ahead of me I.e. Those with 5/6/7/8

enjoying- I don't agree. Those with teenagers have a wider perspective, that's all.

If us parents of teenagers have such a geriatric memory then why is is so easy to remember all the easy and good times? Ie the first 6 month with my DS was difficult, age 3/4 was challenging with my DD, age 7-8 was at times a struggle with my son, age 2-3 was easy with my son, age 6-7 was a breeze with my DD, my DS mellowed out completely at the age of 11.

Where is that whitewash/blackwash that you suggest?

Surely this depends so much on the actual child (and the parent) that any individual response doesn't tell you much?

One person may have a nightmare baby/toddler, an angelic teen, and be the sort of parent who can't stand playgroups and broken sleep. They're going to find the early years hardest.

Another person may have an angelic baby who sleeps through from 6 weeks, is a compliant toddler/young child and then rebels massively as a teen, and they may be the sort of parent who finds rebellion very difficult to deal with. They're going to find the teen years hardest.

I do think (some) parents of teens have rose tinted spectacles about the early years. Photos have a lot to do with it IMO - babies and toddlers look very cute in photos, and we tend to photograph our children when they're being delightful and not when they're having a tantrum or throwing up. Also perhaps it's a reaction to parents of younger kids assuming they have it easy - they want to make the point that it's not all plain sailing once they get older.

Big blue.. its not really a question of agreeing. It's how I approach the issue and you approach it differently.. I will continue to gloss over people who have teens commenting on the under five years because quite honestly I don't believe they do remember the detail. I thought my dc1 was a perfect time newborn and preached as such. Then I read the baby book I had written in at the time. Well, that put me straight!! And that was a mere 4.5 years ago!

enjoying- so 4 years is too long to have an accurate memory? So most Mums on this thread should be discounted then.

You may have a loose grasp on events in your past but many of us don't

Won't stop me ignoring you big blue!

Op, up thread I said that I was finding it tough since my son started school because of the over tiredness. I kept him off school today and we had such a lovely relaxed day and it made me realise that 4.5 is indeed a lovely age as others with 4/5 have said, so there is hope in the near future! I had just been overloaded with the grumpiness that is exhaustion from school. I'm madly hoping it will pass soon.

enjoying- so by your criteria you can only really judge the past few months of your child's life, because any longer and we will forget?

You have no ability to put memories into context? I would speak to someone about that.

The current stage, whatever it is, is always the hardest. I suspect the easiest is the stage between your youngest sleeping through to the oldest starting puberty is likely to be the easiest. Followed by when your last settles down happily with work and a home of their own, and perhaps a happy relationship.

Bonzo... yes,that's what I am imagining. Really looking forward to the 7/8/9 period where I may be lucky and they still want to hold my hand sometimes,but at the same time we can go out for a bite to eat without carnage!

Wow, thanks for all the replies. I have to confess that in my sleep-deprived, living day-to-day state I hadn't even thought as far ahead as teenagers! I'm sure there will be ups and downs but I can honestly say I've never been so exhausted as now - just drained by terrible sleep followed by trying to stop ds doing himself an injury all day, whilst trying desperately to give dd the attention she needs too. I think when the day comes that I can do the washing up without someone crying/falling off a chair/shouting that they've wet themselves, it will be lovely!

I can very much believe the teenage years are hard emotionally. But as hard over all as babies and toddlers? Maybe those with teens have forgotten the relentless broken nights and demands. I'd forgotten in four years which is why I now have dc3!

But yes, I suppose the worrying must be immense when they are teenagers