Nearly 6YO DD says 'she's stupid'

[tallskinnylatte]

I don't know where it's come from but DD, when she's tired or grumpy, says she's stupid. I find this really upsetting and no amount of reassurance will convince her that she's not. She says no-one else has said she's stupid and she won't pin it down to anything (because she can't do X for example). She does get frustrated when she can't get things 'right' and she has very specific ideas about how things should be sometimes. What can we do? It's an awful thing for a child to say about themselves- should I ask her teacher? Y1 at school so she's v tired from the intense reading, writing etc.

Retired TA here -

I've seen quite a few similar queries actually.

If something, or someone, has upset her at school, it doesn't take much to make a child feel they aren't performing as teachers/parents/peers expect them to, especially if they are fairly bright, and it sounds as if DD might be.

Is there some Xmas event imminent that might be stressing her?

Plenty of TLC, reassurance, and a reminder it will soon be Christmas. I don't think teacher need be involved, unless it gets worse or goes on for a long time.

Hi Ferguson. Thanks- that's a good perspective. She has said this a few times before and can get quite upset but we'll focus on lots of reassurance and then time off over Christmas to hopefully reassure her.
I think she is quite bright (amazing imagination- also manifested as finding it hard to wind down at bedtime etc) but she does get anxious, and she has two good friends who are super advanced in their reading. This week was the school concert (four performances!!!!) and she was worried about it and was upset when she thought we might be late (we weren't and never are but that's such a fear for young children). I've also been stressed with work so I think she's picking up on that- I need to work on managing my stress. Husband is also working really hard as it's his busiest month. We both work from home so the plus is that we are around and do most of the school runs between us, but on the other hand there is always work stuff around- calls, emails, paperwork. Perhaps a bit of a perfect storm altogether.

Lovely that you are both around at home for her, and children can benefit greatly from that. (We were both at home for our DS, but that was thirty years ago! I was out of work, before getting into education as a TA.)

Yes, imagination is a double edged thing; good if you can write exciting stories for school, but scary when you imagine what's in the shadows.

This might be totally impossible, but is there any little job she could do at home relevant to your work? Sorting papers, putting things in envelopes or boxes? She might feel she is contributing a bit then.

To boost her reading/spelling, look in MN Book Reviews, and search on 'Phonics', and you should find a book I reviewed, which she would probably enjoy using.

Have a good Christmas!

DS used to say this and it was hard to hear so OP. I would respond by saying:

When you were very small you couldn't walk. But you you practiced and I helped you. Sometimes you would fall down. But you would get back up and try again and I would hold your hands and help you. Now you can walk, run, jump and skip without even thinking about it. You are not stupid, you are 6 years old. There are lots of things that you don't know or can't do, but that's just because no one has taught you. You will learn and you will practice and I will help you. Soon you will know/ be able to do these things without even thinking about it, just like you do walking now.

It definitely helped him, maybe something similar will help your DD OP.

Thanks Ferguson and Dione- I'll try these different strategies. Better go back upstairs now- much shouting as she's not embracing sleep....