Feeling like world's worst mum - every day. Help?

[Failedspinster]

I have a 2.5yo and a 3 month old. I have no available help nearby apart from DH who is out of the house for twelve hours a day with his job (working/commuting five days a week). We don't live near family and our friends all have children or work full time,

I generally manage ok apart from tea time. My 2.5yo is an extremely picky eater and will only eat three hot foods, none of which can be prepared ahead of time. We are gradually expanding his repertoire but it's slow progress. Meanwhile I rack my brains every day to try and work out what I can cook quickly that he will eat and that will have some nutritive value. Invariably every night my normally placid 3 month old will have a huge screaming fit while I'm trying to cook it, and I end up shouting and/or crying at least once just due to stress at the sheer level of noise. Every day I feel like the workd's worst parent doing this. It's awful.

Tonight we ate earlier than usual and sure enough, he still had the screaming fit while I was cooking.

I can't cook with one hand and a sling is out of the question as my 3 month old is very heavy and I have chronic back pain. I can't carry on like this though.

Has anyone got any suggestions for how I could manage tea time better so that I don't end up crying or shouting at my kids?

You know what, with a 2.5 yr old (esp a difficult eater) and a baby, and no help for 12 hours a day, I think you are doing well if your children are alive at the end of the day. If they are happy for most of the day apart from tea time that's doing fantastically well in my book

Where are you putting the 3 month old while you cook? For example if the baby is down on the ground, you could try putting them higher up (propped in high chair, if they have decent head control) and see if that makes them happier? this will get easier as baby gets older.

Is the baby tired or hungry at tea time ie are they due a nap or a feed? If so can you do anything to swap times around so they are well rested/fed at tea time? (might just cause you a problem at another part of the day of course...)

What are the foods... perhaps we could think of a way they could be mostly prepped ahead of time? Will your DS eat cold foods - if so perhaps just give him those for a month or so until your baby is better able to cope with a bit of waiting... it won't kill him.

I had the same age gap. I remember meal times being hell. I was very lucky and had my mum close by so she could sometimes come and sit with them while I cooked. But most nights it was just awful.

If he only eats a few things just give him them, it's not good time to tackle food issues. He will eat eventually, sneak fruit and veg into him as snacks.

Could you do a big lunch while baby naps and cold/small dinner some nights?

Just do whatever you can to get though, the baby will get older and it will get easier, quickly!
(Mine and now 3 and 5 and eating sausage sandwiches on the sofa while I type this)

Could you try giving the hot/big meal at lunchtime and sandwiches/things on toast etc at tea time?
I know how you feel, my toddler has just had spaghetti hoops for tea while I feed the baby.

I've got a 2.9 picky eater and 4 month old so know exactly what you are going through!

I've decided that as long as he eats something it's fine. Weetabix with chopped banana - not an ideal tea but filling and some nuitrients!

Sympathy it's so hard. As pp said if they are both alive at the end of they day you are doing fine

We have pizza from the oven on a Wednesday I got this from a friend who said she needed just one day a week that wasn't stressful at dinner/bed time. Maybe one day of convenience food would be ok.

Thanks ladies :) I do feel a bit better just knowing that I'm not alone in finding this part of the day hard. I think I'll try a few things - maybe have our hot meal in the middle of the day sometimes, and perhaps put the little one in his pram in the kitchen while I cook. He hates being put down but is far too heavy to carry for long :( l really appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions - I was really at the end of my tether tonight!