Am I lazy or just a new mum?

[devoncustard]

I'm a first time mum to the most gorgeous DD. She's 8 weeks old. I love her beyond measure and we are getting on with bf okay. Every day is a learning curve.

My OH and I work as a team really well most of the time. He's great with DD. However, we are both self employed which means I'm only bringing in Maternity Allowance at the moment. OH works from home and because of his dyslexia I often help his businesses with admin etc. I'm finding it really difficult to help as and when he needs it, due to being tired and trying to look after DD.

He's a good man (the best) but I don't think he understands how much energy she takes. I never 'sleep when she sleeps', because I would feel guilty, yet I still don't feel like I'm doing enough. He's called me lazy and work shy but I feel like he's just frustrated - we need to make some money!

I guess I want to know what 'normal' is with an 8 week old. Is he right to expect more from me? Thanks x

Your only job at the moment is to look after you and your lovely dd.
I run my own business and have a 13 week old dd, but I've hardly managed to do anything really. Take it easy and tell your dp to do one!

Wow at 8 weeks I definitely wasn't doing any work, and I think my husband was still doing all the cooking too! You can't underestimate the impact of tiredness and it's hard to explain to others xx

Sorry but he doesn't sound like he's being the best at the moment. He sounds like he's being a bit of an arse. Lazy and work-shy? Jeez.

It's tough, being a new mum. At eight weeks there were many days when I did absolutely nothing apart from look after my baby. DH would get home and either he'd do washing or whatever, or he'd take DD and I'd do it. That's how it was. She's slmost nine months now and - now she naps for longer periods and I get a bit more night sleep - I do do lots of jobs round the house. But if we're having a bad day, it doesn't happen.

I think he's being pretty unreasonable. At that age I wasn't doing anything beyond keeping myself and ds alive, slept whenever possible and did no housework and was still beyond exhausted. Oh and my H was extremely helpful all the time when not working and did all the cooking etc. Perhaps you could express and get him to do a few night feeds so he gets a taste of how it feels being 'lazy and workshy'

Your daughter will only be mini once. Do not let being excessively overtired because you are not sleeping when she sleeps spoil her mini ness. Do you have any friends who could subtly tell him to get a grip?

I was working a couple of days a week while looking after my baby from about two weeks. This was possible because he slept well and often, my oh did a 3 block of baby care during the evening while I slept (I did all the nights as OH was working 7 days a week), we mixed fed, we completely stopped housework provided we had food and clothes. Also luckily neither of us needs much sleep.
If you need to work your OH needs to step up what he does to make it possible.

I'm on conventional maternity. Im lucky if I get a bit of laundry or washing up done what with caring for baby.

I really don't think he is being realistic.

You're definitely NOT lazy! Feeding etc is very intense: that is why we HAVE maternity leave!

Thanks for being so reassuring about where my priorities lie.

I don't want to be disloyal to him - he is definitely doing the lion's share of housework/cooking etc....but not everything as he claims. He's normally great, but says stupid things when feeling frustrated.

I'm knackered and over sensitive...not a good combination!

He's not being realistic. Probably stressed about the massive life change - dead normal.

Agree with pp that baby is only priority, apart from looking after yourselves, eating and drinking and getting what sleep you can.

Don't expect too much of yourself

And congratulations

Yeah at 8 weeks I was definitely still in the newborn bubble, breastfeeding on the sofa, staring at her, napping with her on my chest, I wasn't even going out except for a little walk to get fresh air. I was not working or cooking or doing much housework. Concentrate on the baby, that is your job, your oh's job is to look after you at the moment. I think dd was almost 12 weeks when I felt a bit more capable of taking on other responsibilities. Gosh I am so not going to get that time second time round with toddler running riot so make the most of it! X

8 weeks is so young. Point out, if nothing else, what your body has gone, and that you're still breastfeeding. Your priority has to be to keep you and baby healthy. At 8 weeks I did a lot but was physically exhausted.

Thank you, lovely ladies :) My girl is thriving alert and very smiley and I love being a mum. I don't know how you ladies do this with twins...or toddlers. I salute you!!

I don't think he seems to realise you're doing a night shift at the moment, as well as childcare and everything else during the day.

Is he expecting you to do the proofing in the evenings or is he taking dd while she's awake for you to have the space to do it?

Would a nap late afternoon give you the energy to do the work in the evening after dd has been put to bed?

You have an 8 week old baby. You are not lazy or work shy. He's being horrible.