time to seek support?

[Misty9]

Ds is 3.2 and has always struggled to manage his frustration. Throwing things has been his go to response for years and uusually we can't ignore it as it's dangerous.

His sister was born at easter and he's always been absolutely lovely with her. Until now. Still generally lovely but interspersed with bopping her on the head and such like.

We're fairly attachment parents in our ethos and don't do naughty step etc but do voice his emotion, help him with alternative strategies etc etc. It just feels like no matter what we do his coping isn't getting any better, worse rather.

Is it time to seek support? I'm struggling to manage my own temper with his behaviour (i do know that's part of it) and every day is descending into a shouting frenzy at the moment :( i should say, after being a biter as a young toddler, he's started biting one particular friend again. UUsually when he can't escape the situation. Explainable but not excusable.

Help!

I think maybe he starts to learn consequences. I don't know a lot about attachment parenting but broadly we aren't big fans of naughty step etc either. However, for behaviour that is simply unacceptable and/or dangerous, we had had to be very firm in the past. Instant naughty step for 2 minutes every time. As your ds is a bit older, perhaps other less immediate consequences could work eg no treats later or less time playing with a friend or whatever.

But hitting, biting and throwing are not ok and have to be dealt with as soon as possible.

We had this - had to up the "rough" games with the elder sibling - so lots of catch/tickle/let go and chase, rolling around type things - it really really helped :)

Thanks both, we do use rough and tumble a lot, when appropriate, and it definitely serves a purpose. Also, natural consequences: so if he throws a toy he has it taken off him and put away until the next day. He cares, that isn't the problem, it's more that he seems totally unable to control it. I really like the Laura Markham stuff too.

In that case how about working a break for you into your day? If you know you are going to get a bit of calm everyday it might help?

I'm currently trying to do a bit of crochet every afternoon during "quiet time" while dd2 (12 months) sleeps in the sling on my back. Dd1 keeps demanding cbeebies during this time but I'm working on it!

Good idea busty , I know that my self care is non existent slipping and being ill isn't helping either. Unfortunately, dd is a non napper and DS is in the process of dropping his, so is a tearful mess by the end of the day! If he does nap then bedtime is a nightmare. The constant noise is like a form of torture! Something needs to change though, before I break, so I'll think about how I might do that. Dh is off next week thankfully.

If he is dropping his nap (wow how did you get so far with him still napping!? In jealous! ) then quiet time might really work for you if you can get dd to nap at all. My dd2 will really only nap in the sling - and if I keep up a gentle movement. - but I have to walk around a fair bit with her first. Would that work for you?

Self care is very important if you want to be an effective carer. Something I'm particularly crap at! (Have only had one child free hour in the last month, and so have had to utilise cbeebies a bit more than ideal to keep me sane )