Desperately looking for bedtime advice :-(

[Tory79]

Help.

I have ds1 who is 3, and ds2 5 weeks. Tonight I had to do bedtime by myself for the first time (and going forward,this will be the case at least 2/3 times a week)

So, I'm now sat here in tears, ds1 has pretty much cried himself to sleep, and ds2 sounds hoarse from crying, not sure how I've managed to create so many tears in the space of an hour but main,y due to ds2 wailing the whole way through I've ended up losing it and really shouting at ds1...get a move on, hurry up, get out of the bath NOW, etc eg but really yelling. We didn't sing a song like we normally do, we didn't get to cuddle like we normally do. I literally hate myself right now. Im struggling with 2 anyway and finding the days hard and I seem to be shouting more at ds1 then as well, so bedtime has been a chance to reconnect etc

How can I make this work? It's fine if ds2 is calm or asleep, but if he's waiking, which frankly he usually is, it's just going to be disaster after disaster.

Help me

Count to ten

Having more than one little one is stressful at times

When my dd was newborn I had a three and a five year old. Sometimes I shouted
Because sometimes it was hard

You need to pick your battles and just try and calm down, little ones pick up on your mood. Take your time too and remember this is only the first night
Over time you will work out what works for you

I stopped daily baths at this point and went to baths when causally grubby . I tried to feed DS before bedtime, so he was relatively content, so I could focus on a story for the older one. I also dragged the baby's swing chair into the toddlers bedroom so he could be put down safely and entertained during story time. Hope something in there might work for you.

The early days with 2 kids are horrible - please don't beat yourself up.

When I had to do bedtime alone with my two (DD was then 2) there'd be no bath that night, baby DS would come with us and we'd just somehow muddle through. Noisily.

Bedtime would usually involve DS being attached to one boob, balanced on my lap if I sat cross legged on the floor, with DD pratting about and running off being wrestled into her pyjamas and nappy.

If DS happened to find himself without a boob he'd wail like a bloody siren, and there would usually be some shouting from me as DD would refuse to let me clean her teeth.

I wouldn't go back to those days for a million quid.

It will get easier. Forgo the bath on your nights for now, eventually your baby might let you lie them on the floor next to you (DS refused until he was about 4 months!) and one day this will be a distant memory, I promise x

I stopped daily baths at this time too
baths now are driven by a)mud b) suncream or c) been swimming!

at the baby & toddler stage you're in, i used cbeebies bedtime hour to entertain DD1 whilst i got DD2 down
you can't do them both at the same time, by yourself.
it will get easier as ds2 settles, just do your best day by day. it won't do ds1 harm to know when you're on your own he has to be a big boy and help out. he will understand - talk to ds1 and ask for his help. you'll be amazed.

I think it depends a lot on your baby. I had a 3 year old and a newborn, but ds2 was relatively calm. I used to feed and change the baby, put him in his moses basket for a few mins, then bath ds1. Then pick up ds2 again, and feed him again at the same time as doing a story and song for ds1.

then, I used to go to bed too! ds2 used to wake at 2am,ready for the day...

Start half an hour earlier than usual as everything takes twice as long, & that way you'll feel less stressed if ds1 messes about or ds2 needs feeding half way through.

Also consider getting DS1 into PJs downstairs if you have 5 mins when the baby is settled, even if it's too early to actually go to bed.

Don't be too hard on yourself, I think we've all had days like that.

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and do 5/7 bedtimes on my own since I had them. I bathe them alternate days or if getting really behind skip it altogether
Are you breastfeeding? This is what saved me! Dd1 has own bed so I read story, sing lullaby and stroke her head while dd2 is on the breast, then take dd2 through to my room once dd1 is asleep. Don't worry- I thought it was a nightmare at first; now it's the calmest time of the day!