Three nephews lost their mum: what to say

[Onionpeeler]

Hi Mumsnetters,

My SIL died unexpectedly leaving behind her three sons (11, 10 and 7). Her funeral is this week.

I am really close to my nephews and love them to bits. What shall I say to them? I'm not looking forward to the funeral as I think it will be very upsetting for them. My brother isn't really communicating with me (he never does) so I have no idea how to handle the situation.

Any advice?

Thanks.

Sorry for your loss.

I'm not very good at these things, but the one thing that occurs to me is that it might be very valuable for them to know that you are there for them, if they want to talk, or if they want to come to your house to chill out.

In a situation like this, I can only imagine that children need sympathy and understanding, but also a bit of normality. So if they usually come to your place for tea, or if you sometimes take them out for the day, keep that up so that they have a break from the grief.

I'm sure someone who has more experience of this sort of situation will be along shortly and be able to give more useful advice.

Don't put pressure in yourself to day the words that make it better. No one can do that.

Tell them you love them.

Don't ever shy away from talking about their mum around them like their personal tragedy is somehow dirty.

Tell them that you're home is their home and that there will always be space for them there.

Have them over all together so their poor father can grieve in peace

Have the over individually so they can grieve in peace.

Listen to them, it's not what you say it's how you respond that really matters

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I would just mourn with them; hold them if that's what they want, be there for them, help them to process it and not bottle it. Be the loving aunty you have always been. There is nothing you can say. Just be available to them. I'm so sorry, I really am. Your brother will need you too, even if he's a man of few words (mine certainly is), if there was ever a time when he needs the support of his family it's now. And of course, make sure you have someone to support you as you need to grieve your tragic loss also. Everyone needs each other at a time like this. Don't worry about staying strong on the day of the funeral, it's easier to just cry and let it out.

Maybe take them out somewhere neutral like McDonald's and give them some space from everything. Just be there for your brother, he's going to need you even if he doesn't say so. The day of the funeral will be hard for everyone, so be there for the boys to talk to. Their dad is going to have his hands full of people wanting to talk to him all day, it's after that day he will need you more.

Make sure they all know they can call you whenever. Top up the older kids mobiles for them and let them come to you.

I'm so sorry for all of you, but especially the children.