How do you teach a 6yo not to lie?

[Meerka]

Caught our generally-lovely 6 yo in a direct lie today. He said that Papa said he could do something, when I checked later because it sounded odd, Papa had not said that at all.

When I asked him he admitted the lie. I said how disappointed I was in him and he has a punishment (no sweets or dessert for a week) but I'm not entirely sure how best to handle it, I'm sure it'll happen again.

How do other people manage this stage? Every kid goes through it I imagine!

... anyone ? how do you handle this?

Think all you can do is reinforce that lying is wrong and he will get into trouble/lose privileges for doing it. personally I would remove things that mean more to him than pudding/sweets or a favourite activity but I am evil

it is just a stage but worth nipping in the bud

I would make the punishment fit the crime. So if he lied about sweets that kind of works, but a week seems way too long to be punishing him for. He wouldn't be allowed the thing he lied about, a chat about how disappointed we are, the importance of being able to trust him, then that would be it for a first offence. All kids lie, its their way of getting to grips with the power of words. Why are you sure it will happen again? Make sure he is convinced that you WILL find out!

hmm ok someone irl said a week without sweets was too long too. I'll discuss it with husband and we'll probably moderate it.

I have had a suspicion he's been lying for a while, just things that the teacher's said that haven't quite squared with something he said, but this is the first time it's been undeniably clear. Just wanted to nip it in the bud, exactly.

Thanks.

Give them consequences and be sure to follow through. That's it really. It's normal at that age to try and push the boundaries.

I'll discuss it with husband and we'll probably moderate it.

No no no - your DS will see this as backing down. Do NOT change your mind, ever, once you have said it. He will only play you up again to see if you stick to your word (because you didn't the first time)!

Agree that a week is a bit long - apart from anything else it will start to lose the connection to the misdemeanour. Agree also with a PP that just reducing it isn't a good idea -perhaps give him an opportunity to earn back some days by being extra good?

WRT your original question, one message we try hard to enforce for DD (who just turned 5) is that she will always be in more trouble for lying than if she tells the truth. I also try to give her an opportunity to admit the lie - so in your situation I'd have asked DC again whether Daddy had really said x ans only punished for lying if they stuck with the lie.

Watch Pinocchio?

Alright, we'll keep to the punishment this time but handle it differently next time. I take the points about consequences and also being consistent (we do try for both, but I was uneasy that a week's punishment was misjudged) so actually we won't cut the punishment short.

Take the point about asking him if Papa really said X and punishing him more lightly if he did. He did admit it this time. Hope we haven't put him off admitting it next time.

He's a very good kid generally. Good heart, even if he does have the attention span of a distractible flea.

Different point of view here OP - lying is an essential social grace and little ones have to learn how to tell white lies. We all tell them all the time: 'I love your new hair' etc. He's reached a developmental stage where he realises that you and DH can't read each other's minds! :) no advice on consequences, sorry.

I have gone through lies a lot with my DS. So many things. I have always told my DS that a lie is always going to have a worse consequence for it than what ever he is trying to avoid .

I would say the most sucessful for me has been . I explained that we are conncected by 1.000's of strings and everytime he lies it cuts a string. the only way to repair this strings is by been honest when it is hard. ( I found this idea somewhere online) . I think the fact he can visualise it helps. When he lied I would simply say cut cut and you saw it in his face.

Reading online 6 is one of the worst ages for it. That has been my personal experience too

Heh yoko i live in the Netherlands. If you ask someone here if your bum looks big in this, they'll tell you Yes or No. Few white lies here. it's actually rather refreshing .... in a sauna-ice-bath sort of way. A friend here gave a present to their sister and the sister opened it, said "I don't like it, I don't want it" and handed it back!

I don't want him to learn that lying is ok. Tact yeah ("I've seen you in other dresses that maybe do you more justice") but lies, no.

Lots of good ideas here, thanks.

Haha Meerka that made me laugh. White lies are woven into the very fabric of society here, says it all really. I do believe that lying is a phase young children go through, when they first realise that not everyone is on the same page. Good luck!