What do you do when family members....

[littleraysofsunshine]

... Have lovely intentions, but buy complete rubbish and not needed presents for birthdays/ Christmas

You say "let's not bother with presents next year".

Give them clearer direction next time. You soon learn.

We gVe ideas..but still got random stuff, or stuff we already have.

I mean it's easy for me to then use it for maybe someone else's present but then my children loses out, when they think they have something new. And they then ask oh where's that.. Backpack for example

I give direction or if it's someone I don't feel I can guide I keep it for a period of time to see if it's used and then pass it on or charity shop it. Puzzles for example are the bane of my life - the wooden ones. My kids don't do them (1&2 years) they just lob them around and I spent ages hunting for elusive pieces only to find them in my shoes later on. Also I have an outdoor box of toys for summer which live in their playhouse and the truly annoying bitty ones which they enjoy but go everywhere and break easily sometimes go in there.

Suggest the children keep the toys at their house so they have something to play with when they are there.

I offer to buy them myself. At christmas I buy all the DC's presents from the entire family unless someone says that they have a great idea themselves what to buy.

Amazon wishlist. Family members can just get it sent directly and you can choose stuff you know they would like. Particularly when dp's family expect me to tell them "You haven't told me what you/dcs want yet..."
exactly what we want .

Slight phone fail... hope that makes sense!

I second the Amazon wishlist - people don't actually have to buy the thing from Amazon if they prefer to shop elsewhere, but it gives one central place where there is a list and things can be ticked off. It won't stop people from deciding that you'll just love whatever bizarre thing they have spotted, but at least if they want to know what you'd like, it's easy for them to find out, and to avoid duplication.

What if you say stuff and they go ahead and get the opposite anyway? Like two backpacks? Lol

Two backpacks just means theh can choose which one they fancy using each time. Or one can be used to store things in. Or put away for when one gets a bit tired looking. I wouldn't find that an issue at all tbh

Then you graciously say thank you, and leave it be.

You say thank you.

Unless they really are wasting lots of money on expensive items that you already have, e.g. scooter when your DC already has one then I think I would say nothing and just express gratitude and make sure the DCs do too.

What's wrong with a bit of randomness? They can often be lovely surprise presents and even if they aren't then so what? Not everyone likes to be micro-managed at Christmas and they may enjoy choosing things. If it's something your DCs really don't want then you can re-gift, I keep a box where we keep doubles of things. Anything I haven't used for kids parties during the year goes to the local refuge the following Christmas.

But the fact that your DCs are asking where is such and such shows that your relatives may not have got it as 'wrong' as you seem to think.

Dh's auntie gives me a make up purse every birthday and christmas, nice ones too, but I don't know how much make up she thinks I've got or how may purses I can get through in a lifetime.

It has never occurred to me to complain about it though, or feel like some action must be taken...I just thank her.

Two backpacks - so what?

Two backpacks.. As in two for one child, and another for my other girl when they only got them back packs a few months back. And they're only four and two. I just put them up for another time and we are grateful but when we have no space for it all it just clutters the house. And then there's the complete crap that is just completely irrelevant to what we responded with when asked "what do they need"...

Just want to say i am always grateful and express my gratitude I'm just in about when it's over run in our small house!

People have mentioned regifting or giving away but I'm surprised no one has mentioned exchanging gifts. If its something sold in big stores like Argos, Asda, Smyth's toys, etc they are usually happy to exchange for something else without a receipt. That way your child can have something they like instead of a duplicate.

I guide my family on what to buy, though and often I'll say I can get this list of things, using a discount voucher, if there's something they'd like to give off of it.

Yy I do understand...I have the same problem, and Ikwym.
It's just one of those things though...I end up giving stuff away or re-gifting.

I have this issue.

MIL "what do you need for toddler this birthday / Christmas

Me "no big toys please but she needs x,y and z, and would like a, b or c. Please let me know what you decide you'd like to get her"

MIL (a few days later) "I didn't like your idea so I've bought giant plastic toy"

Me "but we've no room for that"

MIL "but she'll love it"

It drives me crazy.

Most of our family give money which goes into their accounts. Some family members will ask what the DCs are into this year and then they choose something related to that after checking with me that they don't already have it. It's usually presents from friends at their parties that end up getting regifted or donated as we often get doubles of things or craft sets that you take one look at and now that they are not going to work how they look like on the box.

The random stuff that does drive me a bit bonkers are the bits and pieces my mum tends to pick up during the year related to certain events. Pudsey bear for instance seems to turn her into an Asda/Boots buying fiend. I was having a massive declutter earlier in the year for instance and I came across a bag from last year with 2 Pudsey bears, 6 sets of bear ears, 4 wrist bands, badges and about 8 different styles of Pudsey shirts. I asked her to please not buy any Pudsey related merchandise this year! She can always give a donation to the charity without filling up our house with stuff. We came to visit my parents this week to find more flipping Pudsey wristbands, 2 sets of deely bopper things and Pudsey glasses. It's a kind of Pudsey illness I think.

She has also been having a clear out and asked me to go through all the DC's toys at their house. I made a charity pile and then she kept asking me what I wanted to take home with me. I tried politely to say there was no way I was going to be filling up our recently decluttered house with someone else's clutter. She has done that to me for years and I always just took everything out of guilt but no more! That was one of the reasons why our place was so full of bags and random things which we didn't really want. She also tried to pass another load of her clothes on to me this week, when I said no thank you, she kept saying 'but they're really nice'! Argh, so you keep them then!

Sorry, that touched a bit of a nerve!

We struggle slightly with this and lists do help (but we only offer ideas if people ask for them). We still end up with useless plastic stuff a lot of the time, mainly due to my dad being unable to resist a "bargain".

A couple of times we've intercepted a pressie being taken out of it's packaging and either re-gifted or exchanged for something else - this is if we get a duplicate or a pressie that is too babyish for DD (a 12 month old present for her 3rd birthday and something she'd already got being a prime example).

We're always grateful and say thank-you/send thank you notes though - I just don't see the point of her having 2 Mr Potato Heads when she hardly plays with the one she's got...

It's tricky because I'm sure they mean well. I've had to tell my MIL several times that I've already got an Elsa costume for DD - although she still calls me when she's spotted one and asks if she should buy it! But she's really great and at least she's checking first. :)

I feel your pain, OP... DM is far worse - she buys all manner of stuff for DD that she can't really afford and isn't necessary at all.