My 4 Year Old needs a filling. Feeling like a terrible mother - is this very young for a filling?

[traceofinsanity]

I've always tried to give my children a healthy, varied diet. We've only ever given her sweets, juice etc as treats. However, I did always give her fruit, and especially raisins, as snacks, thinking I was doing the right thing in staying away from processed foods and getting in her "5 a day".
DD is very shy and despite my taking her to the dentist regularly, never opens her mouth properly. I had noticed some discolouration though, so ended up forcing her mouth open at the last dentist visit and it seems she needs a filling, which, because of her not opening her mouth, will have to be done under general anesthetic
Now the dentist thinks we don't brush her teeth regularly and feed her sweets and drinks all the time!

Is 4 unusually young to have a filling? I don't know of any children that young with fillings, although maybe they have and their parents just don't mention it (I certainly won't be). I'm assuming here that they do white fillings for kids these days.

My PFB had a filling at that age.

The dentist berated me, then we went through diets and eventually conceded it might be weak tooth enamel and bad luck to blame rather than poor parenting.

And yup, raisins and dried fruit are bad for teeth. I know that now!

I felt shit too, FWIW.

Talking to other parents in the playground, many hadn't taken their DCs to the dentist at all by that age, so perhaps that is the reason why? Dentist also told me it can be hard to detect decay in such small teeth?

Similar here except my DD slightly older found a hole in her tooth took her to the dentist still hoping not a hole it was! I was mortified similar diet to your DD I kept saying to the dentist what else can I do he said don't sweat it, some teeth are weaker and I'm doing everything right, I don't tell anyone as am still mortified, my DD sadly is quite proud! I just say to people she had natural pitying in her teeth so best to close the gap?!! My DD managed without a GA though thankfully.

Good luck you are not a bad mum.

4 is very young for a filling. Dried fruit is almost pure sugar. Don't beat yourself up but do work on her oral hygiene routine.

could be crap tooth brushing/ diet but also quite likely just to be weak tooth enamel. dont worry. adult teeth form later on (baby teeth form during pregnancy) so tooth enamel in next teeth could be absolutely fine.
any way of avoiding the ga?

A friend of mine had the same thing and it was down to fruit. She was told that a little bit of cheese after something sweet would help :)

Thanks guys for your posts and support.
Sanfairyanne, sadly no way to avoid the GA. We've been to the same dentist every 3 months in the last year (twice per year before that), to try to build up some sort of a relationship in order to get her to cooperate, but are sadly getting nowhere. She literally won't even open her mouth for her to see in. Tempted to try changing dentists, but I can't see anything she wouldn't like about the current one so not sure it will make a difference.

Oh, forgot to mention, obviously we have stopped the raisins totally now, and reduced fruit and saving it for after meals rather than at snack time (although school give at snack time).

Raisins are no better than sweets for teeth.

Can you practice opening mouth for dentist at home to try to improve things in the future?

so I've been told.
Yes, we do loooottts of practice at home! Read Peppa Pig goes to the dentist etc.
she is generally a pretty timid girl, although not nearly as bad now as she used to be. Even got DH to take her the last time in case that made a difference, but didn't unfortunately.

I would seek a second opinion as to whether the filling is absolutely needed. My Dc had fillings under sedation and tbh it was very traumatic for all of us - my DC was sick and very scared and confused afterwards. Have now taken the view that for baby teeth which will fall out anyway I will take the risk of toothache because I am not going to do that again unless there is no choice. Some dentists are more interventionist than others so I would get another view. Btw my Dc is VERY sensitive and easily spooked so you may well have a better experience if you do have to do it.

Good idea morechildren please. My DD sounds very similar to your DC. If it's not going to make things worse and not cause her loads of pain I would definately rather leave it rather than take the risk of a GA, however small that may be.

We do have a consultation with another dentist at the local hospital (where they will do the GA and filling), so I'll see what they say about it.

DD had three teeth out and three capped at nearly six years old, following fillings at five which dropped out (and I couldn't see because she would barely open her mouth). I felt awful, really genuinely awful. Like yours, the worst thing she'd had to eat was the odd packet of raisins and other dried fruit or an occasional bowl of sweetened porridge/cereal. I am pretty hard core about food and certainly don't dole out treats every day (including raisins in that).

She had a GA (it was FINE, but really upsetting for me, which I didn't expect). She was perfectly OK afterwards (maybe a few days of it all feeling weird).

The really good thing is that now that her adult teeth are coming through, our dentist thinks they are looking great, strong and healthy. Hope the same happens for you, OP.

Oh my goodness FinDeSemaine, that sounds awful. So glad to hear that all of your DDs adult teeth are looking so good

My DS has had a couple of fillings and had to have 2 teeth pulled due to decay. The dentist conceded it was weak enamel rather than as my DD and myself have good strong teeth. However, if they need filling I would say have it done, my DS has had 2 dental absecesses, where he was very ill and was in a lot of pain and had to have time off school. He was referred to the community dentist and he had his work done with gas and air. Its horrible and you feel like such a rubbish parent

Sorry, must go now, sleep beckons! But thanks so much for everyone's input. Glad to hear I'm not the only one out there with a similar problem. I certainly hope that this will be the end of it and that now I know where I have gone wrong we can save her other teeth from further fillings.

We were very very strict indeed after the fillings (didn't stop them dropping out!) and have continued that after the op to hopefully lower the chance of this happening again. So far it seems like we are doing OK.

I would not avoid the GA, upsetting as it is. It is far better for your DD's future dental health to get this dealt with now. DD's first fillings probably would not have dropped out had they been done under GA, thus avoiding extractions and years of worry.

Also, sedation is not the same as GA.

DS had a filling at this age- he had weird teeth with big indents and crap enamel especially on one side. We'd been brushing religiously and seeing the dentist from he was 1. I felt totally shit about it.
Dentist recommended an electric toothbrush and adult toothpaste. We've had no problems since really though she is going to get his new adult molars sealed as a precaution.