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Parenting

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Original poster

What would you do differently if you had your time again?

70 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 06/09/2014 21:10

I'm midway through another horrendous bedtime with my 5m/o DS (like they all seem to be these days) and all I can think is that if I could go back in time I would DEFINITELY have introduced bottles!!!

The joy of hindsight!!

Does anyone else have any regrets or wish they'd done things differently? Or have you come to any decisions about what you will do differently next time??

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beccajoh · 06/09/2014 21:14

I would have stopped breastfeeding much sooner with DC1. The toll on my mental health wasn't worth it.

DIYandEatCake · 07/09/2014 00:40

Second time round I've worried less and been in less of a hurry for ds to grow up. This time round I know that they all sleep eventually, follow instructions eventually, manage to have a plate and cup without throwing them eventually... Sometimes I wonder if I expected a bit much of my eldest, too soon.

kiki0202 · 07/09/2014 08:53

I would co-sleep with another if I had a bad sleeper with DS I refused t co-sleep until I was on my knees unable to cope when I started co-sleeping and it made life so much easier.

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Ragwort · 07/09/2014 08:59

All I know/knew is that I would never have another child, and I didn't.

Being a parent is the most difficult thing I have ever, ever done (and I am aware I am 'in it' for life), I do feel parenting is ridiculously 'romanticised' when it fact it is hard, hard work and can be practically and emotionally draining - but it is so hard to admit that in RL.

QTPie · 07/09/2014 09:17

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QTPie · 07/09/2014 09:18

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Itsfab · 07/09/2014 09:23

This is timely. I can not even look at my kids at the moment .

Would have had less kids. Different age gaps. Been stricter when they were little. Let DH take the lead more as they probably would be behaving now.

I am in the realisation that I probably shouldn't have had any children.

ProbablyMe · 07/09/2014 09:42

Stressed less about the housework and whatnot and laughed more :-(

Dragonlette · 07/09/2014 10:19

I wish I'd accepted with dd1 that it was absolutely fine and normal for her to still be waking at night at 6mo. I stressed so much about it and did cc when I would have had a much easier time of it if I'd just carried on cosleeping and feeding her back to sleep whenever she woke.

slightlyglitterstained · 07/09/2014 10:37

Don't know if I'll get the chance to do it again, I'd like to but started even later than QTPie so don't know if it'll happen. Still hoping as 43 looms on the horizon though...

I probably wouldn't do that much differently up to now (age 2), just worry less about it - I was thinking I regretted not spoonfeeding more when DS was weaning as he might eat more of a range of foods (not bloody pasta all the time), but then nursery seem to have got him eating rice now, so we can have stirfry! So I guess most things will work themselves out with time.

Think later on is going to be more interesting in terms of parenting strategy... Much harder to get away with changing approach unnoticed!

HerrenaHarridan · 07/09/2014 10:49

I would have left the ex sooner and not dragged out a dangerous relationship through fear of failure.

I would have got them to snip dds tt in the hospital when they noticed it

I would have asked for a different midwife and insisted I shouldn't still be bleeding from my section scar 6 weeks on

I would have reached out to my friends instead of believing my exs lies and carrying all the weight myself

I would have got a cleaner post birth to help out. This is still my top newborn tip. You need it to be tidy but it's nigh impossible to do. It's more important to enjoy your baby and savour the precious moments that desperately try and shake your baby off to clean the house.
I used my first bottle of expressed milk to have time to wash dishes but my ex was a wanker!

stargirl1701 · 07/09/2014 10:53

Get DD1's tongue tie snipped. Co-slept with her from the beginning.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2014 12:34

Thank you so, SO much!! I can totally empathise with something that every poster has said - I realise that all my worries are normal and your replies are so reassuring. I worry a lot about a few things that gave been mentioned so now I know that I can relax more!!

(I'm already trying to convince DH that we should have another)

OP posts:

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived · 07/09/2014 20:21

Ha ha Writer. Wasn't it you who was adamant that you were only having one (or have I mixed you up with someone else)?

Mine are little (5, 3 and 4 months) but I would say:

that I would have worried less about DD1. Not that I was anxious, but I was always thinking things like "But she needs to do tummy time." or "but if we always co-sleep she'll never sleep alone". I didn't fully realise that they grow up and some things that are hell on earth to force on a 3 month old (naps in cot anyone?) might come easy as pie to a 10 month old.

-that I would have repeated to myself "she is a person". She is not a generic 'baby'. She is a person. She is allowed a personality, preferences, generally not to be a carbon copy.

I don't have regrets about anything like bottles (she never took one, DS did easily, see point 2 above!).

With both the older ones, I'd have spent more time sitting and sniffing their baby heads and generally enjoying them. I'm trying to this time, but my time resources are seriously stretched.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2014 20:36

It was me who was adamant I really only wanted one!!!

I have no idea what's happened to me but over the last few weeks I've been really, really craving to have another!!

I think I've lost my mind

OP posts:

Rinkydinkypink · 07/09/2014 20:40

I'd have relaxed more. I had standards and didn't want to drop them. It's not realistic to expect things to stay the same.

I'd have gone back to work sooner.

Id have rested more during the day and not been so hard on myself.

Toadsrevisited · 07/09/2014 20:42

I would have introduced a bottle once a day.

I would have enjoyed my days at home with DS instead of crying through my five months of maternity leave, being sad and constantly anxious. I feel so sad that I've only just started to enjoy it and now I'm back to working fulltime.

I wish I'd had more faith in my own ability as a mother.

GingerSkin · 07/09/2014 20:43

All I know/knew is that I would never have another child, and I didn't

^ this ragwort I'm so honest with people in RL since having dd. They are shocked by my opinions sometimes but I refuse to romanticise parenting when it's so fucking hard.

What would I do differently, on a bad day, not have children. Harsh but sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out to be a parent. On a good day, I don't really regret any decisions I've made. Happy with bf'ing for as long as I did, and going back to work when I did. I suppose I wished I'd empowered DH more. I tended to take control of dd so he didn't have to settle her; she didn't really get used to him until after 12 months. Mostly though, considering she's our PFB I don't feel I was too PFB-ish

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 20:46

I'd have relaxed more and not walked around with a dettox tank on my back....

Annietheacrobat · 07/09/2014 20:48

Fed her more in the first few days. Could have avoided lots of tears from both of us.

By DD2 I had grasped that newborns don't feed 3 hourly. She was on the boob every five mins and it was a much happier time for all concerned.

mawbroon · 07/09/2014 20:50

Another one who would have had a tongue tie revised, if I'd even known that there was such a thing and the problems we were having were directly related to it.

It would have saved years of heartache and £££££ in private revision and orthodontics.

Ragwort · 07/09/2014 20:51

It's good that we can be this honest on an internet forum Ginger - you can admit to things you wouldn't in RL.

Parenting is so hard - I had a lovely day out, completely on my own today doing something just for me - the minute I got back home DS started being arsey to me - he had no reason to, he'd had a lovely day with DH doing exactly what he wanted. Teenagers !

The early years were bliss in comparison.

BertieBotts · 07/09/2014 20:58

Would have used a condom. :(

But, would still I think have had DC later only hopefully with the right guy rather than an arsehole and with me knowing some stuff about life rather than blundering through, it drops you right on the treadmill of life having DC young and every time I feel like I've got my balance it seems to think that I've run for long enough that it can speed up again. It feels like I will never catch up.

If it has to be with the same child, I would have... ugh, I don't know. Figured out how to set boundaries earlier, possibly. But the thing is I've done everything to the absolute best of my ability at every stage and honestly I don't think there's anything I have chosen which I could have chosen better. Just bad actions/decisions made when I was at my limit and couldn't have gone any other way.

Maybe I would have got pregnant again by XP before leaving. I have this twisted idea I would have been a better parent to a sibling group rather than one.

smokeandfluff · 07/09/2014 21:00

Co slept from day one. No way was ds sleeping in a moses basket and I spent far too many miserable weeks trying to convince him it was a nice place to sleep.
Wish I had appreciated each stage more and not wished the time away.
Feel very sad as I'll never get that time back.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2014 21:14

Every night I want to pull my hair out because of how difficult bedtimes are with DS and his he really, really pushes me to my limits - but with every day that passes I feel sad that I won't get it back and that time I'd passing and soon the day will come where I won't have my baby anymore....

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