What would you do differently if you had your time again?

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm midway through another horrendous bedtime with my 5m/o DS (like they all seem to be these days) and all I can think is that if I could go back in time I would DEFINITELY have introduced bottles!!!

The joy of hindsight!!

Does anyone else have any regrets or wish they'd done things differently? Or have you come to any decisions about what you will do differently next time??

I would have gone for private recurrent miscarriage testing after my first miscarriage. I had this idea that if I could get through the 3 miscarriages that the NHS requires you to have before doing investigations, then I would go on from there to testing and treatment supported by our wonderful egalitarian free at the point of use health service. Finding out that even after 3 miscarriages there was further rationing and waiting, and that the staff are just as dismissive and uncaring before your third one as before your first - it wasn't a shock so much as a gradually dawning disillusionment. And it meant that I spent nearly 5 years of my life pissing about TTC and having miscarriages when I could have been having a life - with children, without children, either way the years would have been better.

Now that I have 2y 4mo twins, I wish - I'd gone back to work at 12m instead of staying off for two years. Did it benefit them? Who knows. They love nursery now despite all the dire warnings you hear about putting kids into nursery before 3. I would have loved being back at work.

More generally, I wouldn't wish them not here (they're their own people now, and I really am quite happy for them that they are around and have a life and can get on with it) but if I could go back to the day we first started trying, the first first time, I would get a hold of myself and just say "run. now."

I wish I had not given DS1 the top of of formula in hospital (although he was starving poor love!) because I think that triggered his milk allergy.

I wish that as soon as I had the all-clear that DC2 and DC3 were not allergic to the same things as DS1 I had gone full steam ahead with trying to get them to eat everything, instead of keeping them on the dairy/egg free diet because it was safer for DS1 not to have it smeared around the house. I ended up with two incredibly fussy younger DCs who would not touch most dairy products with a bargepole until aged 6+ and as an added twist decided that, unlike DS1, they were not going to eat any vegetables either (and in DD's case no fruit).

Thankfully I have a king size bed - can't remember the last time I shared it with DH though

I wish I had learnt how to breast feed lying down...

Writer your baby is 5 months? With DS1 we never got the hang of feeding lying down until 8 months ish. DS2 is 4 months and can do it but its comfy for either of us yet

Not comfy

Love this thread! I wish I had not spent a fortune on a tongue tie op because I couldn't face waiting two weeks (it made no difference to feeding), but mainly I wish I had made the most of my life pre dc, instead of desperately wishing for kids.

Writer, I would suggest just giving up on bedtime for now. It's not working and it's just stressing you both out. My DS loved bedtime but my DD was like your DS and just would not settle. So I just scrapped bedtime and held her while watching tv and stuffing my face. She's 19 months now and goes to bed no problem. I actually quite miss those lovely evenings with a sleepy baby snuggled up in my arms, although it is nice to have a bit of space and time with DH back!

What would I do differently? Hmm I have said I wouldn't have bfed DD as she was very very attached to it and I found it really draining, but looking back I'm glad I did. It was a pain in the arse but it kept a very whingey baby calm and it forced us to bond when I had PND.

I'd have chosen a different father.

Don't beat yourself up about the bottles. I tried to introduce them several times with DS right from the word go and he never, ever took one!

I wish I'd been stronger when in labour first time round and hadn't let the midwives bully me!

I would have weaned my twin boys when I had wanted to instead of letting them go hungry for another 2 weeks when I was bullied into not weaning by my MIL and HV

I would have not let my MIL bully me full stop I'd like to see her try it now

Can you see a theme here

When the mw that delivered DS said "he's tongue tied" would've screamed "SNIP IT". No "waiting to see...". Next time if my baby's Tt it will be dealt with the day he/she is born!
I will be more chilled/less bothered about what other people think and what their babies are doing. Working on that one now.

I wouldn't care what other people thought or the fact that they'd judge me. Especially the inlaws. Now I really couldn't careless what they thought.

I would invest in a super super queen size bed, in fact could do one with now, but no funds or space.

If breastfeeding pain persisted beyond 2 weeks, I would call it a day.

When family guests came and asked if they could help, I would ask them to iron/clean etc instead of having to do it all after they left.

I would put my foot down about having guests when I didn't feel up to it.

I would have watched something other than Law & Order and read books, or actual news. I turned into someone so boring, I could feel my brain dripping out of my ears. It is much better now I am back at work and interacting with adults!

I would not bother with buying Moses basket or a cot, but instead would buy a big cot bed or a big huge massive bed.

I would be firmer about insisting my ideas on healthy food choices were followed by others.

I would stop believing that anxiety and hurt caused by my 8yo dd's appauling behaviour could be solved by eating my body weight in chocolate. Now I still have the same problems and worries, but I also feel incredibly sick.

Going back to the BLW debate. I gave DS1 purees and every Annabel Karmel recipe going. We bought another freezer just to house all the brightly coloured, nutritious ice-cube trays full of various purees, etc. He was fed like a King when he was being weaned. 12 months later and he became the fussiest eater ever, slowly turning his nose up to one dish at a time.

With DS2, I just didn't have the time for purees and cooking separate little meals. He ate what we ate as a family. He's now 3 and will eat most things you put in front of him.

BLW all the way for me. The ONLY downside I had was the heart-stopping moments when he'd wretch on something. I was constantly on high alert in the event he started to choke.

I'd have kept taking my birth control pills.

I would have taken it easier at work while pregnant

I would have got dd properly checked for tongue tie and not believed the hospital when they said she didn't have it

I wouldn't have got into a rock to sleep habit (though given the tongue tie and its side effects, there wasn't much choice)

I would have used a dummy (again, didn't work because of the TT)

I would have worried less that there was something seriously wrong with dd

I would have got out more and not cowered at home because dd was difficult - I should have worried less about what others would think

I wouldn't bother with all sorts of baby kit including: a caboo sling, a baby swing, a room thermometer (MIL got that one), an anti flat head pillow, etc.

Another tongue tie regretter. No one even checked! At least I persisted and insisted it got done the minute he could have it under GA at age 1. Speech started the week after.

I'd have spent the money on a nursing chair. 2 years, 9 months in and it's a bit late for that!

I'd have stopped wasting my maternity leave stressing about going back to work.

And yes to the cleaner. Awful being tied to a baby and looking round at a dirty house all day.