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Parenting

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Original poster

What would you do differently if you had your time again?

70 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 06/09/2014 21:10

I'm midway through another horrendous bedtime with my 5m/o DS (like they all seem to be these days) and all I can think is that if I could go back in time I would DEFINITELY have introduced bottles!!!

The joy of hindsight!!

Does anyone else have any regrets or wish they'd done things differently? Or have you come to any decisions about what you will do differently next time??

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Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 21:27

How is bedtime routine so tough all the time? What is happening?

dementedma · 07/09/2014 21:30

I wouldn't have had children. Sorry, but there it is!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2014 21:33

He just cries and cries and grizzles and cries unless I'm holding him.

He initially goes to sleep at about 8pm, will always wake within the hour and just grizzle and cry regardless if what I do.

When I go to him in his cot to soothe him I pick him up and he immediately goes silent and just starts smiling at me - the minute I out him back in his cot he just starts crying again.

It just goes on and on. He woke up at 20.30pm last night didn't go back to sleep until 23.00pm and that entire time consisted of me putting him down, him crying, me picking him up, him smiling, me putting him down..... Etc.

It's just relentless.

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CookieB · 07/09/2014 21:34

I said I wouldn't have any kids and dc3 is here . Wish I was more relaxed with the first, as I was very much a book parent and drove myself mental! The last 2dc have been more relaxed due to me not being so rigid, although I still stick to a routine but it's more of a rough guide than anything else. Dd2 is 9 days old and I'm making sure I enjoy every tiny baby moment!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2014 21:34

That bad demented??

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KenDoddsDadsDog · 07/09/2014 21:36

Not given DD a dummy. She still has it at night and she's just started school.
And realised that she didn't have 6 months left on her bastarding passport more than 5 weeks before our holiday.

StepDoor · 07/09/2014 21:41

I would have introduced hypoallergenic formula from day 1.

Known and treated silent reflux and allergies much sooner

Stopped breastfeeding much earlier and not 'coped' with the breastfeeding pain.

Been stricter with weaning at 6 months, and definitely not done BLW.

dementedma · 07/09/2014 21:43

Just feel that the best years of my life have gone on child rearing and I have achieved nothing. Such a waste. If I had my time over I would travel and do things and maybe be someone, not just someone's mum.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2014 21:45

stepdoor - can I ask why you wish you had avoided BLW?

OP posts:

AnythingNotEverything · 07/09/2014 21:49

When I saw the thread title, I immediately thought "introduce a bottle sooner and more religiously", but actually, thinking about it, I know why I didn't. We tried. She'd take it from me but not DH, so it was just twice the work. I don't mind feeding in public, I don't mind doing all the feeds as I only need to ask and DH will gladly do nighttime nappies or March the baby up and down the stairs to settle her.

So, I think I'd like her to take a bottle better, but I know why she doesn't and I'd have made the same decision a hundred times over at the time.

I wish I knew what I could've done to get her to sleep more consistently, particularly in the nightmare that was 6-9 months, but I'm not convinced doing anything differently would've made any difference, other than moving the pain to a different time.

Honestly, I'm pretty philosophical about it all, and I'm not sure is do anything differently, but this is number two after a very long gap so maybe I've found my peace.

I know I sound like a smug hippy. I don't mean to, but I accept that you do what felt right at the time, and you'd probably do the same again if you had your time again.

CookieB · 07/09/2014 21:49

Might I suggest controlled crying?
Ds was up every hour and that was with bf. I became a shell of myself and forgot to eat meaning my milk supply went completely! 2 nights of cc and then my ds was in a routine. Went to bed quite happily.

StepDoor · 07/09/2014 21:49

BLW meant that my LO didn't want to be spoon fed and hardly ate anything. Also ended up being very fussy too, which I believe is mostly to do with that.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2014 21:51

I'm glad you've said that stepdoor because we will start weaning in the next few weeks and TBH I think the whole BLW movement sounds a bit precious and a bit of a faff!!

OP posts:

StepDoor · 07/09/2014 22:07

Writer, I agree. I also think it's not even practical, really how is someone without teeth supposed to eat what we eat. Ridiculous really. (Gets ready to get flamed)

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived · 07/09/2014 22:12

Whereas I loved blw and think puree sounds a ridiculous faff. DD had no teeth until nearly 18 months, so I'd have been using a lot of puree if that held them back.

HumphreyCobbler · 07/09/2014 22:15

I bet some people would say they wish they had not bothered making all those purees and just done BLW! also known as bunging stuff on their tray and getting on with your own meal

I had one child that thrived on eating for herself from day one and two that didn't. You just go with what your child wants.

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived · 07/09/2014 22:18

v true Humphrey.

nooka · 07/09/2014 22:20

Well I wish that I had done BLW as I got incredibly stressed about feeding ds multitudes of Annabel Karmel recommended cubes and I think that ds would also have been very happy just picking at stuff. Plus when dd came along very shortly after she just got jars becasue I didn't want to go through the stress again and she was then very fussy for years, which I suspect may have been related to being weaned with incredibly bland and quite sweet mush.

For the rest I don't know that I'd do anything different really. It would have been lovely if dd hadn't been such a limpet or if I had been an AP devotee, but that would have required a personality transplant for one or both of us! I do wish that I'd not been told that the treatment I took for labrynthitis was incompatible with breastfeeding as stopping suddenly meant my breast swelled up like balloons and then deflated in much the same way...

nooka · 07/09/2014 22:21

Cross posted with Humphrey there!

callamia · 07/09/2014 22:21

I'd want a king size bed. This double is no good for the tiny interloper that keeps turning up.

I'd also try to address my own methods of dealing with frustration better. There's still time for this, but I can see myself being an idiot sometimes.

I'd also like to not need to be so involved with work so early on. I've been a bit too 'can do it all' - to my own detriment.

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 22:22

I still come over all odd when I see a butternut squash....

Scared someone's going to want me to chop it

amigababy · 07/09/2014 22:24

dd is 18. I'd not have gone back to ( p/t) work when she was a toddler, though we had a lovely mother's help that I was do grateful to find.

I wish I'd not talked so much about diets etc. I've got real body issues and while dd is really well adjusted I should have learned to keep my own problems in that area to myself.

amigababy · 07/09/2014 22:24

dd is 18. I'd not have gone back to ( p/t) work when she was a toddler, though we had a lovely mother's help that I was so grateful to find.

I wish I'd not talked so much about diets etc. I've got real body issues and while dd is really well adjusted I should have learned to keep my own problems in that area to myself.

KierkegaardGroupie · 07/09/2014 23:19

King bed
Night wean earlier- still at it at 2.5 and it is draining
I am still working on being present and generating fun....my husband is amazing at this but I am always trying to do chores and let them amuse themselves and then i remember this is it....you have a limited number of days of these kids being so sweet and playful and then doors will be closed and they will be on thier i pads and we will all be wistful.....

Shahsham · 08/09/2014 06:28

I would TTC a year later. I really thought it would take more than 1 month to get pregnant. That way we wouldnt have moved houses with a 4 month old, starting a sleep regression which lasted years.

I would have co slept earlier rather than struggling for months getting up 8 times a night.

I would have pushed for better reflux meds earlier for DC1 (aka He Who Does Not Sleep)

I have literally just discovered (4 evenings ago) that by playing classical music at bedtime means DC1 is very calm and goes to sleep easier and....either sleeps through or only wakes once or twice! (He is nearly 3) Bloody miracle and I wish Id thought of before but I was determined he wouldnt have a sleep prop < head thunk >

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