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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Why is taking care of babies always optional for husbands

78 replies

dcs27 · 30/08/2014 22:02

...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

QTPie · 30/08/2014 22:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Bartlebee · 30/08/2014 22:55

Why tolerate or worse, enable his behaviour?

Behind pretty much every useless man-child there's invariably a woman, rolling her eyes skyward whilst ironing his clothes.

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 22:58

Diadult, I haven't said that "all men" are like that, just that you "cannot expect a man to work things out himself".

so yes then you have said all men then haven't you? you are being incredibly insulting to men.

Some women may have found the perfect man, but others have to accept that their man isn't perfect...

no-one is perfect. man or woman. doing your fair share doesn't make you perfect. it makes you a proper functioning adult who can wipe their own arse and that of the child you have created. it is not above and beyond the call of duty for a man (or woman) to take an equal role in the caring of their own child.

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aprilanne · 30/08/2014 22:59

reading this makes me cringe .because it is so correct .my hubby was and is good with children as long as you tell him where and how .i always think i have 4 children .3 i gave birth too and one i married.scottishmummy you are correct .i never actually thought i am encouraging his man/child behaviour .the only thing i dont buy for hubby is his shoes .because i cant cut off his feet .but the rest yes .

QTPie · 30/08/2014 23:00

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 23:02

april please, now that you recognise it, address it and change it. how depressing that you think of your partner (the person you chose to join you til the end of your days and support you when you are ill/out of work/struggling) as a child. surely that isn't what you wanted when you married him? that wasn't the dream, was it? don't buy into that old cliché any more. you are doing yourself a disservice.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 30/08/2014 23:03

By 1yo, DC doesn't need BFing continuously. Just go out. He will cope, he will curse and he might swear, but he will cope.

DH could do child care, he might have tried to avoid it if possible, but he could do it. He was left every Tuesday evening from DD2 being 7 months (age at which she'd sleep without a BF, if I wasn't. available), big sister wasn't much bother.

DH could even change nappies, despite absolutely loathing the job. He doesn't do mess, sick and skinny things like stripping the.meat of chickens if he can help it. I don't mind. So to force him to was just neat point scoring.

Like getting me to slice bread, we are all allowed to be hopeless at something.

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 23:03

what have I read incorrectly?

LittleBearPad · 30/08/2014 23:03

I think DiaDuit is right. You are writhing off an entire gender QT

GammaDelta · 30/08/2014 23:05

DiaDuit,
You are right I should apply a soft approach with him.. He is usually helpful but only if i tell him nicely,, the problem is I hate telling every now n then.. I just dont understand how can he relax on sofa when he sees DC's toys scatted around... why cant he do the dishes for once.. But it all boils down to,.. "You should have mentioned that..."

RJnomore · 30/08/2014 23:07

I'm with diadult.

I don't need to infantilise my husband, or th entire male gender. They are adults who can see needs, consequences, think things through, act and be competent in exactly the same way as a woman.

It is not perfection to be able to behave like a competent adult. Nor is it lucky. I get so angry reading shite like this.

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 23:08

But it all boils down to,.. "You should have mentioned that..."

ok, so YOU stop doing these things you normally do. like dishes, cooking, anything he leaves to you because you don't specifically ask him to do it and then when he asks what the hell is going on because there are no clean dishes you simply say "why dear husband, you should have mentioned to me that you wanted help doing this dishes/cooking/washing clothes" and smile very passive aggressively.

scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 23:12

Its v much a mn thing.describe a dp unable to purchase clothes,pants.woman does this
She'll protest he cannot assemble clothes,unable to attire self.without her he'd be wreck
Followed by parallel tale of how he's MD/physicist/high flyer but unable to attire himself

aprilanne · 30/08/2014 23:13

DIADUT you are right .my middle sons girlfriend has told him he better earn a good wage because she wants a maid .not a cleaner a maid .she told me he is the laziest teenager 18 she has ever met .but like me her downfall is .he is kind and gentle .thats what suckered me with there father .in his defence my hubby always a good provider .

QTPie · 30/08/2014 23:21

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 23:22

your middle son's girlfriend should earn her own good wage if she wants a maid really shouldn't she? or just not plan to move in with someone who wont clean up after themselves. it depresses me that so many women (and this one is only 18?) seem to think it's a given that they will move in with these people despite objecting to their laziness and lack of cleanliness. there is another option- live in your own place and keep it just as you like with as much or little as your own mess affecting precisely zero other people.

RJnomore · 30/08/2014 23:26

Qt I won't even bother deconstructing your grammatical defence (which we both know is nonsense) But please be aware, the only reason men can get away with not thinking that way is because women are running round after them picking up and doing the thinking for them.

I can never decide if it's mysoginist on the male part or emasculating on the female. Both, I think.

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 23:28

"cannot expect a man to work things out himself".

ok QT you will have to explain which part of this comment contains the disclaimer that states you don't mean all men. because stating that you cannot expect a man to work things out himself seems to imply that is gender wide. it doesn't say some men or short men or men with black hair or men who do rock climbing. it says you cannot expect a man. the implication being that the fact he is a man is the reason you cant expect it.

but I honestly don't think that you can "expect" it from every man.

you can and you should. in fact you should insist on it. and not every man, just the one you choose to raise another man with.

scottishmummy · 30/08/2014 23:28

If 18yo wants maid,she'd better work hard,earn a disposable income.not rely on man
And if your son has any sense he'll look for a mutual partner,not a financial drain
There no rule that men have to provide for women.in fact it creates inequality

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 23:32

and why on earth should OP be patient! she should be angry and pissed off that this lump is happy to see her whizz around after their child while he sits with his feet up. patient? no- women should not be patient with last disrespectful men. "aww diddums, give him time, he's just learning-how to be a fucking grown up!" would he be patient if OP decided to stop doing all that she does? would he be patient if she didn't feed their child or change it's nappy or settle it for bed?

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 23:34

lazy disrespectful men.

QTPie · 30/08/2014 23:39

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

GammaDelta · 30/08/2014 23:40

DiaDut .. I am totally with you girl.

DiaDuit · 30/08/2014 23:42

who are these 'quite a lot of other men' that you know who need spoonfed every direction in the house but manage to hold down careers, drive cars, take the tube, plays sports, have social lives without a carer to assist them?

wigglesrock · 30/08/2014 23:42

See I don't understand how you can say that men don't think that way. My husband moved out of home when he was 19, we moved in together when he was 23. He cleaned, bought his own clothes, did his washing, cooked when he lived on his own, in fact he did a lot of that when he lived at home. His mother didn't have the time or inclination to run around after 3 sons when they were mid to late teens.

He didn't lose the ability to do all those things when we moved in together. Of course he can change nappies, settle his kids at night, take them out, give them their dinner because they're our kids. His dad did the same for him, my dad did the same for me. I agree it's a very MN thing sometimes, I honestly don't know many men who sit on their arse while their partner runs around picking up toys.

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