Things about having a newborn and a young toddler together that you didn't consider until it happened...?

[weeblueberry]

I've got a 15 month old at the moment and am due DC2 when she will be 23 months.

Basically I'm trying to get my head round the logistics of having a still young toddler while I have a newborn and how easily it will work? There are some things that I know are very much down to your circumstances (ie how much both will sleep, buggies, interaction etc) but wondered if you could tell me some of the things that surprised you about having two close together?

I had same gap almost - 26 months between my ds's.

At bath time I used to put the baby bath in the big bath with water in both so I could bath them together rather than worry about what the 2 yr old was doing while I was bathing the baby. Put toddler in bath to play, then deal with baby. Quick splash for baby then out, dried, dressed and into bouncy chair whilst I got toddler out and dry. Made life easier than doing 2 baths and could supervise both in the bath at the same time.

Also, don't expect the jealousy to kick in straight away. Ds1 pretty much ignored ds2 until he was 6 months old. I was very smug that they got on very well! Then ds2 started sitting up and crawling and generally being more interesting and that's when the jealousy kicked in. So don't be lulled into a false sense of security if they are fine at first!

And you will need a double buggy!

I have 23 months between dc1 and dc2 and 22 months between dc2 and dc3 so 3 under 4 and I never had a double buggy.
I had 1 in the pram and 1 on a buggy board then added a sling when number 3 was born.

Thanks both!

The bath advice is exactly the sort of thing I meant - thankskay

Re: the buggy thats what I want to do mad. My DD would already be fine on a buggy board IMO - she's been a really confident walker from the first day she could and really struggles being in the buggy when we go out. I'm leaning towards having the buggy with the board and always keeping a sling in case DD needs a nap in the buggy? Not sure if this is reasonable but I'm sure time will tell!

I have a 20 month gap. I found getting DS used to having his story read sat next to me rather than on my knee helped, so that when DD arrived I could read to him while she fed on my lap. The bath advice is good too.
What really surprised me was how teeny tiny my baby's bottom was. You get used to thinking your toddler is small, and then the baby arrives and your toddler looks HUGE next to the baby!

My older DD ignored the younger one for about a year. She was silently fuming it just took a while to appear.

My double buggy was worth it's weight in gold for about a year, then it got resold at almost full price.

I found the evenings the hardest. Baby would want to feed non-stop and you still have to make dinner and put the older one to bed. I only BF for about a month largely due to the lack of time I had to help her.

It would be a good idea to crack the potty training before the baby is born.

Bedtimes were hard too. I had a battery powered swing that the baby would go in (sometimes fall asleep in tbh), when the older one went to bed.

So many people swear by swings and I did use mine a bit in the early days, but I stopped once the GP thought the baby had hip dysplasia. I think the swing got a lot of use instead.

It got easier when the older one went to nursery for half a day, but by this time she was 3. It was a really hard 9 months, but now they play and laugh a lot and it was worth it.

The earlier bath tip is good too. I used a laundry basket in the bath for the baby! Stolen from pinterest. Works brilliantly once baby can sit up.

IME you need a double buggy if you walk more than a mile a day or if you use the buggy for naps. I normally did between 3-5 miles, hardly ever drive. Scooter is a great alternative to a buggy board too.

How fascinated even a newborn would be by a big brother! Persuading 24m old ds1 that ds2 loved him was not hard at all as the baby used to settle as soon as ds1 went to talk to him. He would sit in his bouncer and watch ds1 play with adoration until he was old enough to join in.

Yeah My ds completely blanked dd too they have a 20month age gap.

One thing that I struggled with was where to put dd. She started off in a moses basket but Ds kept using it to put his toys in whether dd was in there or not. We went for a travel cot / play pen but Ds kept grabbing it and almost trying to tip it so he could look at the baby on the rare occasions he was interested in her. I was worried about it getting tipped,plus he used it for toys again.

So in the early days she ended up wherever I was in her bouncy chair,I had to take her upstairs when I went to the loo and everything.

The nice surprising things were as she got older and I could nip to the kitchen without taking her with me, I'd come in to find ds stroking her hair or holding her hand and then stop the second I walked in like he didn't want me to know he liked her. Even now in the car he is constantly holding her hand chatting to her but If I turn to look he stops

I was also surprised at how much Ds wanted to do for dd, not always good she got her first taste of food at about 10 weeks when he was eating a milkyway dessert and put a spoonful in her mouth. He was so quick I couldn't stop him - she was overjoyed, he also tries to give her his dinner. Now she is 8m its not too bad but Pre weaning I had to supervise meal times like a hawk

YY re older child suddenly being enormous. Before DD2 was born, lifting DD1 was easy, First time I picked her up after DD2 arrived I was astounded that I almost couldn't lift her. Still feels that way 2 1/2 weeks later. And DD1's bottom looks massive when I change her nighttime nappy!

DD2 is too young for me to have any advice so I'm going to watch this thread with interest!

Thank you all, this is the exact sort of information I was after.

I'm still undecided on the buggy and probably will wait until the baby is here to make a final decision but it's good to hear both sides of it.

Obviously I'm hoping they're close but appreciate that's never agiven. I think I know what you mean about toddler seeming big though because I held my cousins newborn last week and thought he was so tiny. Picking up DD after felt like I had to lift with all my strength!!

There's 20 months between my dds. It took me a while to work out that it's much easier to put the eldest to bed first (with baby in sling or sharing lap for stories) and settle the little one after.

I was unprepared for how quickly they became attached to each other. I have memories of tiny dd1 trying to rock newborn dd2 when she cried (as I headed over, obviously!)

Have a plan for when the big one wants to hold the little one. I let dd1 hold her newborn sister sitting on the sofa with cushions to help support the baby. I think it helped them bond.

Tell the big one how much the little one loves them, but never put pressure on the big one to love them back.