Is this CIO or is it normal newborn behaviour?

[TedAndEd]

I have a 3 week old and I've found that often when he starts crying and I'm not able to attend to him straight away he will cry for a couple of minutes and then go to sleep. The crying starts of as a grizzle and then builds to a scream quite quickly and then he just goes silent and to sleep.

I am concerned about this as I worry he has 'given up' on crying for me and has shut down. This behaviour is very different to ds1 who would cry and continue crying (even when I went to him and tried to calm him down) and screaming for a very long time even an hour + with me doing all I could to settle him (feed, change nappy, rocking, buggy, sling etc).

Is this sort of short cry session considered normal for a baby of this age or am I doing CIO inadvertently as I'm too slow at attending to him.

He might be crying himself to sleep but it's not crying it out because you're not doing it to sleep train him iyswim. I think it's normal behaviour though for some babies. My dd would do the same if I was otherwise engaged (read stuck on the loo) and she'd go quiet or fall asleep. I used to feel bad but it just couldn't be helped.

We refer to this as I'M NOT TIRED I'M NOT TIRED zzzzzzzz.

If it doesn't stop quickly or is obviously another type of cry (hunger, pain) you snap to it more quickly after you get used to it.

I never gave my pfb the chance to scream. Maybe he would have fallen asleep without me? Maybe, 9 months later, he wouldn't be waking every 45 minutes needing a boob to send him back to sleep.

When I have a second child, I will always attend to its needs, never leave it to CIO, but I will give the baby the chance to have a grizzle and a little cry, in the hope that maybe this is how it falls asleep.

I was the same with my ds1 whatsmyage I never let him cry or scream for more than a few seconds, but with my new baby it can't be helped as it is when I'm dealing with caring for ds1 (brushing teeth, dressing, toileting, putting to bed etc) that makes me unable to attend to the baby straight away :( it does make me feel bad as you hear about all the issues of stress and attachment issues that can arise from young babies who CIO.

Children who have issues due to being left to cry are those left for hours on end, repeatedly. Not for the time it takes to brush your older DC's teeth.

Agreed. This is not CIO. This is tired baby falling asleep. Mine is 4 weeks old and has done it once... I'm actually quite envious... She's my second as well so I have to leave her for a couple if mins here and there so I wish she was able to get herself to sleep!

Dc3 does this too, the other two never did! I therefore keep an eye but don't rush if I think he is just tired.

I too have a 3 week old and finding exactly the sand, I think with #1 I was always there quicker and a single noise I picked him up and went through the motions now #2 is here I find it easier to make sure #1 is sorted and doing something or has a drink etc before I get to the baby and sometimes he has just gone back to sleep I don't think it is CIO

It isn't CIO, don't worry, you're not doing any damage by allowing him to cry for a minute or two if you're doing something else.

Three week old babies cannot be sleep trained with CIO anyway, so the likelyhood is that he is tired anyway and falling asleep, which is actually a good thing not needing you there straight away if you're seeing to an older sibling.

When you have an older sibling you can't be there 100% of the time anyway. It is hard at first, but you're definitely not neglecting him.

Is everything else alright op?

I agree, my DC2 cried quite a lot from birth but I HAD to leave him to cry while I attended to DC1. Now at 5 months old he is such a happy boy and rarely cries without a good reason (hungry, in pain) and is a really 'easy' baby! He self sooths himself to sleep by having a little cry sometimes if overtired, but mostly just drops off.

In contrast my DC1 never got a chance to have a good cry, as I was right there trying to sooth her , she got my undivided attention and never learnt to self sooth until we had to sleep train her at 2! She also was a very late talker (3.5) and the HV suggested this could be because she never got a chance to 'ask' for anything!

I am glad to hear I'm not alone. He is a pretty happy baby so far, but when he cries he does sound upset which is why I was worried as he does seem to 'give up' quite easily.