at the beach today listening to SO MUCH over-parenting

[GretchenWiener]

So there I am, lying with eyes shut with several families around. really nice day and lots of happy playing by lovely kids.

but OMG - parents give your kids a sodding break. Endless instructions issued, everything micromanaged to the Nth degree. Kids told the same thing three times in about two minutes when they are obviously doing something else first (all surf board related).
I really felt for them.

When I read how to talk ( the book) it said that we all do it. Today it seemed super true. Do you over instruct or question?

I caught myself doing this today as we were crossing the road. Narrating the whole exciting event

I would rather see this than what my dh and dd witnessed in Blackpool yesterday.
Yes, if you are the horrible teen mum who probably deafened their poor tot, you are a disgrace.
My dh said the mum and friend were on phones and the two tots were wondering onto the tram line. One mum shouted to her dd to get off the tracks, got hold of her, screamed the question are you stupid, to which the poor child started to scream through fright.
The mother went to the child and screamed wahhh into the childs ear. I know its annoying but I'd rather hear over parenting than this

not even particularly loud - just relentless instructions

yes bloody Sienna did not want to put pants on today at the beach, rather than go and get her and distract her her mum chose to yell instructions for HOURS ( mins obv)

I think we are all so anxious these days that we think micro managing will keep the boogie man away.

I have heard it in myself too and I know it is stress and anxiety led.

I think we all do it. If you're lying with your eyes closed you are probably more aware of what is being said - rather than watching what is going on as well.

Better over parenting than "don't give a ruddy toss parenting" though! I

Yeah, do that most of the time. Why? my 14 year old doesn't seem to get instructions first, second or even third time. So I tend to give instructions to a tee every single time. It's also tiring and sometimes I tend to just do things myself so as not to repeat myself over and over again. sigh

Do you have children Gretchen?

i think tinies are different, these were primary school aged kids who were almost nagged by their parents.
One boy was adjusting the cord on his board as he walked on the beach, really concentrating hard on solving the prob and his dad went on and bloody on

i have three. I know what it is like. It just hit home today.

The best time to witness earnest over parenting is round yhe pool of a naice holiday apartment complex. It's better than telly.

And yes after a while I was like Christ give your kids a break it's a bleeding swimming pool stop the running commentary, you don't have to tell them off for every slight misdemeanour they are on holiday, you are not being judged fir being a slack parent, you are being judged fur being a controlling arse.

I remember one little girl who was about 4 who seemed to be simultaneously bossed about/told off by mum, granny, grandpa and aunty - in stereo from all angles.Then dad stormed up grabbed her by the arm and shouted at her too! I've no idea what she had done apart from go to look at a cat a few yards away!

you get what I mean BogQueen

i used to run little art sessions with kids and in the end it used to drive us mad. the kids weren't allowed to pick up a paintbrush without a commentary from the parent on how to use it, even though that's why we were there. it was a lovely chance for them to take a break but they couldn't let their kids explore and have fun alone.

maybe they didn't trust us . quite alot of parents are like this now though and it is mainly the middle classes.

ime!

I blame mumsnet and other sites, we have all become so anxious about our parenting and live in fear of being judged.

Yes I get it! Constant talking / commentary / mindless crap that most certainly must give these kids a headache. I became aware in a toy shop the other day, mother was saying and describing everything, look a basket, you carry the basket, what are you going to put in it, this is nice, what colour is it, do you like this? SHUT UP! Taking for the sake of it or over learning. Just let them learn and pick things up naturally. Maybe I don't talk enough to my DS age 3 but we've got a peaceful understanding!

I think I might do this

Mine are only 3 and 1 so a bit different, but I do ask ds1 the same thing 4 times. DH doesn't do this and at preschool obviously not and he is fine there, I need to trust him and let him find his own way a bit more.

I even do this with my dog.

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5552527?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
This is a good read

I have 3 children too Gretchen

toast that's completely different to what he OP is talking about. I talk to my son (almost 3) like that in shops. It keeps him engaged and makes it more enjoyable for both of us. If I didn't want to interact with my child when I went shopping I'd leave him with someone else.

I think people sometimes get confused between performance parenting and just talking to your child normally. It does help their speech and understanding develop. It's not wrong. It may annoy you but do you know what? I judge people who don't talk to their children in shops. They must get so bored.

At one point i almost could be arsed to lift my lazy arse sun tanning bum go over to Siennas Mum and say STOP TELLING HER THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER SAY IT TWICE THEN ACT.
But I was almost as lazy as her.

Oh also add the fake unfeasible threat

' ok then we will go home then'

Tbh I think she did need to go home and have a nap;

its not talking to your kid AT ALL
no way - its nagging them about everything. My H used to tell our kids that they must be hot and to take a sweater off etc. Eventually I said ' look he is 7, he knows when he is hot, GIVE HIM A BREAK'

Yes I think we all do it at some point, I annoy myself sometimes, I get in to this trap of repeating myself and getting annoyed when they take no fucking heed.

especially on a hot day like this when I am fed up with getting them to do something, I wish they would just bloody well do it.