at the beach today listening to SO MUCH over-parenting

[GretchenWiener]

So there I am, lying with eyes shut with several families around. really nice day and lots of happy playing by lovely kids.

but OMG - parents give your kids a sodding break. Endless instructions issued, everything micromanaged to the Nth degree. Kids told the same thing three times in about two minutes when they are obviously doing something else first (all surf board related).
I really felt for them.

When I read how to talk ( the book) it said that we all do it. Today it seemed super true. Do you over instruct or question?

Quietly

I am parenting from my deckchair. I have sent DH to mind the kid. He is doing it very well by standing in the pool with a bunch of other dad's drinking cold beers.

For well done they really mean thank you I suppose. Agree about tuning it out. Son says same about frantic instructions on rugby pitch.

Ok. I'm there. Bella's having a tough time already.

You're probably right cereal. I'm not sure how much is envy. A little bit of wistfulness maybe

Definitely not envy here A lot of my friends my age have little ones as they did career first and I think this style of parenting is the norm! It looks a lot more tiring thats for sure I do a lot of babysitting and its exhausting! And the lists when they go out of what I have to do in any situation

Kitchenfairy I have a Hugo and was terrified for a minute you were describing me, but thankfully we didn't go on a pool holiday! Plus, I don't think I'm that bad. And, there is a certain amount of 'narration' you need with a 2 year old! I think that's possibly where the performance parents go a bit wrong. I think under 3's respond quite well to appropriate narration/distraction, but they forget to drop it as their DC's get older.

Oh I learned my lesson about PEP (Proactive Educative Parenting) quite early. We were in Cornwall and had just been to one of the Iron Age hillforts (name escapes me) near Lands End. I studied archaeology at university and it is an interest of mine still. There is a souterrain there - a tunnel used for storage and/or defence - and I was busy 'educating' DS1 (then 5) all about it. I talked on and on at him in my best 'wow isn' this exciting children?' voice about the Iron Age and when he really just wanted to run about and jump off things. After a while I asked him if he understood what I had been saying. He just looked at me witheringly and said 'yes mummy, you were telling me all about that hole in the ground.....have you finished now?'

Now I rein in my need-to-enlighten tendencies very firmly. Unless asked. I am not often asked .....

Yes - the other week in the supermarket DS who's now 2.4 will not go in the trolley, and only wants to run off. I can however get him to walk around nicely with LOTS of praise for 'nice walking DS, WELL DONE' (which I try and do as quietly as possible), and then 'right, let's find the cheese, can you put the cheese in the basket? Well done! You're so good at shopping! Right, now let's find the tomatoes etc. etc. etc.'

I'm aware I must sound like an absolute arse, but it is simply the ONLY way I can pick up a few bits of shopping with DS in tow (which I do try and avoid). However, I wouldn't expect to be doing this when he's 4!

Laughing at the Hugo/Milly/Katie.

You've all just reminded me of poor little Aaron, who was staying with his family in the tent opposite ours a couple of summers ago. One particularly memorable evening involved me and my mum taking it in turns to entertain my daughter with giant bubbles, whilst my dad dished out cider and burned barbecue. Meanwhile, Aaron and his family were playing cards.

Aaron's dad: Aaron, stop watching that family. Aaron, concentrate on your cards. Aaron, this is family time. Aaron, sit back down. Aaron, this is supposed to be fun. Why aren't you having fun?

Probably because he wants to play with bubbles, or run around...not sit still and play rummy.

iranio

DP has a story about his youngest brother who had a foitba season ticket from the age of four

Apparently he sat through the matches for two years until one day piped- up "is that green stuff down there grass?"

We once holidayed next to a couple who did the constant nagging/commentary thing to their Yorkshire terrior, Toby. It was hilarious. I wonder if their children had left home and they needed an excuse to carry on the constant talking.

I used to talk to my kids as they sat in shopping trolleys, the usual "do we need any eggs? Let's find the eggs, let's check they aren't cracked...." The usual twaddle running commentary to try to keep them involved/amused/not whinging.

The day I realised it was sad I was haring round the shop doing the normal chat and yes folks, the kids were at the childminder and I was talking to the shopping. I have never really forgotten the feelings had when I realised......

This is so funny.

A few weeks ago I took DD to the park and there was a Dad like this. He had 3 kids with him, turned up at the park and kept going on and on and ON about how they only had 5 minutes. He was so loud. I just thought, why have you taken 3 small kids to a park and expected them to only want 5 mins?

Anyway, he then shouted "right guys, who needs a wee or a poo?"

Oops posted too soon. He then confirmed about 10 times that nobody needed a wee or poo. Poor eldest looked ashamed.

You get this all the time in Waitrose. You can hear them from the next aisle providing a monologue about how 'we love apricots don't we' or whatever.
It's one of the reasons why I prefer Aldi - people don't tend to take their kids into Aldi for a family outing.

RATS

Bella turned out to be a normal kid. NO ONE was annoying all day

Let us just clarify

1.TALKING to your kid.
oh look at that nice looking cake, its an eclair

1. LOUD parenting (designed to show off) (I made this phrase up so I get to decide)

oh look there is a cake, what is it called? thats right an eclair - where are Eclairs from? oh yes from France, and what does the word eclair mean? Oh yes clever girl lightning, spell lightning and so on.

1. OVER parenting. Oh look at that yummy cake, would you like the cake, take the cake! Oh watch for the cream on your hands - here wipe it on there, no not here there and EAT it - ooh lick your lips you have chocolate on them

1. SELFISH PARENTING

Oooo look at the bird (steals cake and shoves in gob)

sneaky

I did see GOOD parenting (Mum handing over bank card to Clinique woman and telling her to help her daughter who had bad acne, daughter was crying and mum gave her a massive hug)

You should have said "go to the GP and get the same medicine that Gretchens son has"