Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Mums of Sons: Do you find yourself turning them into your "ideal bloke"?

54 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 13/09/2006 20:52

And does it weird you out a little bit?

I seem to be trying to mold my boys into what I think blokes should be like. Fit and active, but not sport supporters. Funny and pleasant. Dressed like surfers. Etc etc ...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Fauve · 13/09/2006 20:54

Yes. And he is.

Fauve · 13/09/2006 20:55

I think I may have to marry him.

Papillon · 13/09/2006 20:56

lol! Had not thought about that and just said to dh this thread title and he said matter of factly

of course, you can try it

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Donbean · 13/09/2006 20:58

A really good mate of mine who has had a shitty time with men said that all she wants from her son was that he ends up bieng a "good husband" to some one one day.
This really hit a note with me and i now find myself assessing the personalities of little boys and decide whether or not they will one day make good husbands to some one.
This is BAD though, very very bad.

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 13/09/2006 20:59

I think it's most obvious (to me) when I look at their clothes. My boys are scruffy surfer types, and often have floral or otherwise non-boy clothing.

How on earth can one be an ok MIL when you've spent all this time and effort making the perfect bloke, and then some young person comes along and nicks him!

OP posts:

MegaLegs · 13/09/2006 21:03

Your boys sound like mine NQC.
I just want them to learn to respect women and to take it easy on the girls who are going to fall in love with them unrequittedly (does that make any sense at all?) . I was treated like shit by a hideous boy at the age of 16 - supposedly my boyfriend - and pathetic as it sounds, it has scarred me confidence wise.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 13/09/2006 21:04

not conciously I don't - but I sent out 8 party invites before the weekend (friday) the first two to respond on Monday were the two girls..........must be doing something right that the girls are falling over themselves to say they want to come to his birthday party

Original poster

NotQuiteCockney · 13/09/2006 21:14

Oh god, DS1 got engaged on holiday this summer, to a girl who was almost 7. He's not yet 5, this is his fourth fiancee. He still has an English fiancee though, and said, thoughtfully, that maybe he won't tell his English fiancee about the girl he met, as it might hurt his English girl's feelings.

I wasn't sure what to say ... I mean, it's not like fidelity is a real concept when you're four, is it?

OP posts:

bubble99 · 13/09/2006 21:15

I'm teaching mine to do housework. That's a start, isn't it?

MegaLegs · 13/09/2006 21:16

DS2 wants to marry his male best friend as he doesn't love any of the girls in his class.

UrsulatheSeaWitch · 13/09/2006 21:20

Possibly partly due to having big sisters but, so far, my boys seem happy to treat girls as equals - no condescending, patronising or using.

(They are crap at housework etc but I think that's less important - anyway so am I )

Legacy · 13/09/2006 21:24

Yes! And needless to say they look like min-versions of DH!

Legacy · 13/09/2006 21:24

"mini-versions" .....

WelshBoris · 14/09/2006 11:59

NQC I love your DS!

desperateSCOUSEwife · 14/09/2006 12:01

yes and no
I teach them mainly re the grooming, smelling nice, hygeine
and also how to treat a girl by buying her small presents etc
especially when naughty, i force ds to give them a box of chocs

christie1 · 14/09/2006 12:06

noI don't. I went through a very rabid feminist phase in my 20's (all men are crap and all that). Now I have 3 boys. My thinking had evolved before that but I love just watching them grow. Of course I nurture, and teach my values etc. but they are not really gender based. I just let them be. One boy is more quiet and not rough and tumble, one is "all boy" and the other is on his own planet completely. I have discovered we do a bit of disservice to boys when we sterotype them (just as we did for girls). Biggest surprise- how affectionate they are, so cuddly and always up for a hug. Damn, I think I will keep them!

Marina · 14/09/2006 12:08

Oh definitely NQC.
I am already brainwashing him on the choosing fabrics and colours front for clothes (he has a good eye for matching which I do not want completely buried in an avalanche of skulls and khaki) and on how to make People, Especially Gurls, Like You.
But it's the latter that really matters to me. I keep an eye on issues like respecting personal space, name-calling and putting yourself in others' shoes.
I also actively encourage his wild imagination as I don't ever want him to feel self-conscious about his love of words and storytelling.
My dad is an unusually intuitive and warm man for his age and background, and he is as much of a role model for me as dh, to be frank.
Interesting thread

Wordsmith · 14/09/2006 12:14

I wish I could! However I'll be happy as long as they grow up realising that men can do 'woimen's work' and vice versa and they don't expect a woman to 'look after them'! My DH and his brother and sisters were brought up to think along very traditional gender lines with regard to who did what - men wokred outisde the home, women didn't, men did nothing in the home, women did it all. Luckily my DH (the baby of the family by quite some years) rebelled against this, but it's still laughable sometimes talking to his siblings - they're shocked that I work at all with small children, and that DH can actually cook decent meals.

I don't think you can 'mould' children - just give them a good example and hope that they'll follow. Much as I wish DS1 did not love 'killing' people with toy guns and lightsabres, it's somehow hardwired into his system to do it.

ScummyMummy · 14/09/2006 12:15

Not really, actually. They seem to be so difficult to influence in the right direction that I kind of look on and try and learn to love them as they are whilst occasionally suggesting important virtues like respecting your mother at all times and buying her presents and remembering to stomp on anything vile that might warp their characters irrevokably.

ScummyMummy · 14/09/2006 12:16

I try to remember to do that, i mean. I don't remind them to do it.

Tortington · 14/09/2006 12:51

no. i would like them to have long hair - now they are in senior school and nits are not rife. but they cant stand it - and are shaved at number 3.

i never catagorised my kids when they were little. they usually wore what i was given by other people anyway.

FullOfTestosterone · 14/09/2006 12:53

only read the OP...
but it is scary if this is true, given other threads going on MN today...

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 14/09/2006 13:34

I find myself trying! getting there I thought with ds2, who has suddenly developed appalling lad tndencies and I fear is now destined only for Squaddiedom; the other two are very similar to someone I almost amrried and thankfully didn't, therefore I pity the woman who marries any of them

Flamesparrow · 14/09/2006 13:40

He's only 6 months so there isn't much I can do yet, but I know I will be doing it w/r clothes and hair.

3andnomore · 14/09/2006 15:33

Yes, I think we do....but then..I think that is probably only natural Or at least I hope it is

Flip

1 2 3