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Original poster

"Oh never mind, you can always have another baby" ARGHH!!!...

53 replies

cocopop · 06/09/2006 14:02

Sorry, this is probably going to sound like such a rant but why do people keep saying this to me?

I have a lovely ds who is 17 months old and am now 5 months pg with #2. We found out last week that this is another boy and my dh and I were both delighted.

We're very happy and feel that another little boy will complete our family but everytime we tell friends and even relatives that we're going to have another son they have the same reaction - "oh that's a shame" "never mind" "you can always have another baby". Some people are a bit more sensitive and try not to look disappointed for us but you can see that they are. What is wrong with people? All I care about is that this baby is healthy, what's so good about having one of each? Why does it matter?

Has anyone else experienced this?

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Flamesparrow · 06/09/2006 14:05

People are morons.

I got lots of "Oh you've got a full set now then so you are done" when I got a DD & DS... I might be done, but that is my choice, not down to sex of babies.

Fimbo · 06/09/2006 14:07

People are always like that. I have one of each and received the following comment - "Oh, one of each, how clever" - WTF is clever about it? I have a 5.5 age gap between my two - some old biddy even asked if my children had the same father!

chocolatequeen · 06/09/2006 14:09

I´ve got 2 DS´s too, got a similar response. PIL had even gone so far as to buy us a pair of pink bootees when I was about 4 months pregnant, before we´d even had a scan to see what he was. And at the same time, announced that they would like a girl. Smiled sweetly and said that I didn´t think we were going to be getting much of a chance to choose, but we´d bear their preference in mind.... Made me even more determined he was going to be a boy. TBH, made me feel very protective when I was pg (hormones I think) that they somehow wouldn´t love him as much as his brother because they wanted a girl. Turned out not to be the case though, they find him much easier because he is a baby and his brother is nearly 4......

Bloody annoying though. Why can´t people keep negative comments to themselves eh? Tempting to say when asked " well, we thought we were going to get an antelope, but we think it may be a baby....."

Just enjoy your bump and bugger everyone else. Fools

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crunchie · 06/09/2006 14:10

Yes I got that and TBH I felt that too. I had one girl and then found out I was going to hae another. I was gutted TBH I was convinced it was going to be a boy. I told myself Oh well I can always have another.

Now I wouldn't chnage dd2 for the world and I am so pleased I have 2 the same as they play together. I wouldn't want one of each now (not saying that isn't great either, but personally I love 2 girls )

Thomcat · 06/09/2006 14:12

FFS, so osrry that peopele have been such arses.
I think it's great you'll have 2 boys who will play wonderfully together and hopefully be good mates as well as brothers.

Flumpybumpy · 06/09/2006 14:15

We have a gorgeous DD who is now 3 and I am 39wks with #2. We didn't find out the sex and all I keep hearing is 'lets hope it's a boy then'. PIL have also gone on holiday and come back with TONS of little boy clothes etc.... which is lovely but I can't help but wonder how disappointed everyone is going to be if it is a girl.

I couldn't care less if it is a boy or girl, I have several friends who are still TTC and others that have had m/c's so I know that children are a precious gift and blessing, WTF does it matter what sex they are!!!

FB x

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 06/09/2006 14:16

I have great delight (now I have 2 DS's) when people ask if I'd have another and 'hopefully' a girl

me (with fake horror in my voice): "good grief NO! I don't want any girls, I'd prefer another boy to a girl any day"

(not strictly true - I think a little girl would be lovely, but I'd 'prefer' a boy)

pucca · 06/09/2006 14:18

I have one of each, and actually would have loved another girl, i think having 2 of the same sex is lovely also what comes into it is how my brother and i so didn't get on at all our whole lives.

I too got the "you are so clever" when we found out no2 was a boy! how are we clever?!? why is one of each thought of as being wonderful? just don't get it at all. As long as they are healthy it doesn't matter.

jumblesale · 06/09/2006 14:21

When I had DS loads of people said 'Oh how lovely you've got the complete set now'. Really annoying as I would equally have loved another boy and DH couldn't care less about sex of baby.
The worst one though was '... and she'll have her big brother to look after her'. Grrrr. We're kind of hoping she'll be able to look after herself, thank you very much. I'm probably just crazy ranting lady though.
Now I'm pregnant with no. 3 people ask if that's it now. Nope. We're going to have 18.

MrsApronstrings · 06/09/2006 14:23

after no 2 ( had one of each) people would ask me why I was having another

Flumpybumpy · 06/09/2006 14:24

My Husband always answers the 'do you know what is?' question with 'well, we are hoping it's a baby but we will have to wait and see!'

madmarchhare · 06/09/2006 14:25

I always say the same thing on threads like this and ones about people touching/commenting on your bump and so on..

I think its just general meaningless chit chat and Im sure most people dont really mean to upset or offend.

MrsBigD · 06/09/2006 14:29

flumpybumpy great retort from your dh.

I got really annoyed at comments as well. We're the 'type dd/ds' family. And people were going, oh how great for you one of each now the family is perfect and complete. WFT. O.k. in our case it's true. We only wanted 2 kids but would have been equally happy with 2 of the same sex! One lady particularly got on my nerves that I said, well actually who said I 'wanted' one of each? and pointedly walked away

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 06/09/2006 14:31

lets be honest here - who have never in their entire life thought "I'd like a little girl" or "I'd like a little boy".............

crunchie · 06/09/2006 14:33

I have to admit I thought Oh weel I'll have a 3rd. And when it came down to it I owuld have tried again if I KNEW it would be a boy, dh didn't want a boy and would only agree to try if we knew it would be a girl!! Stalemate really.

Now they are 7 and 5 I am so happy with 2 and I can't tell you how happy that they are the same sex. I never had a sister (2 boys) and I missed that. 2 the same is the way to go

PetitFilou1 · 06/09/2006 14:37

Don't worry about it - when people say to me 'you've got one of each that's it done and dusted then' I say not necessarily, I had children to have children not a particular sort of child. They shut up then. People just don't think very hard about what they say sometimes. When I nearly lost ds and thought I'd had a miscarriage one of the comments was 'oh never mind it was probably just a bundle of cells' What was even more shocking was that it was from a good friend not a random stranger.....

LadyTophamHatt · 06/09/2006 14:38

Ha...wait til you're PG with No4 and it's another boys like the 3 you already have.

I don't think I've had one genuine pleased, excited reaction yet.
Even my own mother said "Ohh...oh well"

(we found out last week and I love the idea of 4 boys now but I did have a sad hour or 2 after finding out......as documented on here)

Astrophe · 06/09/2006 14:48

lady th, I'm excited for you! My SIL is from a family of 5 girls, and they had such fun, and such a wonderful family 'culture'...it was like a big, fun, exclusive club. I bet your boys will be the same. Lucky you.

I have a DD and a DS, and would have been thrilled to bits with a 2nd DD. And it annoye me too when folk say 'lucky, you, one of each, you can stop now' etc. Of course we are so lucky, but lucky to have 2 beautiful children, not lucky because we have one of each.

oliveoil · 06/09/2006 14:51

I have 2 girls and am constantly being asked if I am going to try for a boy.

Like you can anyway: "dh darling, it's Tuesday which is Boy Night so fancy trying? Or we can wait till Friday when it is Girl Night?"

fgs

LadyTophamHatt · 06/09/2006 14:56

I should re-word my post...in RL I haven't had one genuine blah blah blah.

But it has to be said the same thing goes for just being PG for teh 4th time.
No-one has been really that interested....suppose its' kind of boring for everyone except me and MN now

jumblesale · 06/09/2006 14:58

Aaah that's funny.
I think people think that having a boy and a girl makes the family 'balanced'. They're endowing these poor kids with the stereotypical feminine/masculine characteristics before they're even born .

DH used to say we were hoping for a toaster or a new microwave when asked what he wanted. No-one ever laughed and I used to get quite embarrassed but looking back at it now I find it quite funny.

jumblesale · 06/09/2006 14:59

Whoops sorry meant oliveoil's post was funny.

Azure · 06/09/2006 15:27

I have two boys and it was exactly the same right from when we found out the sex at the scan. When DS2 was hours old the midwife said something like "Oh well, you can try for a girl next time", as if having a boy was the runner-up prize. So irrelevant and thoughtless.

Sophiev73 · 06/09/2006 15:33

I've recently had my second ds and any amount of talk started up when I was still in hospital recovering! Since then I've learnt the genuine joy of the idea of two brothers close in age, ds1 loves him to bits, dh has a brother close in age too and loved it, loads of clothes in loft (haven't been shopping once except for ill-advised splurge in Gap) and no worries about how to avoid flying pee! Love it, ignore them all and revel in all the cuddles you're going to get...

katzg · 06/09/2006 15:38

we have 2 dd's and i wouldn't change them at all, although if DD2 was a little less manic that would be good.

i often get the is that it then, what no boy comments!

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