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Original poster

"Oh never mind, you can always have another baby" ARGHH!!!...

53 replies

cocopop · 06/09/2006 14:02

Sorry, this is probably going to sound like such a rant but why do people keep saying this to me?

I have a lovely ds who is 17 months old and am now 5 months pg with #2. We found out last week that this is another boy and my dh and I were both delighted.

We're very happy and feel that another little boy will complete our family but everytime we tell friends and even relatives that we're going to have another son they have the same reaction - "oh that's a shame" "never mind" "you can always have another baby". Some people are a bit more sensitive and try not to look disappointed for us but you can see that they are. What is wrong with people? All I care about is that this baby is healthy, what's so good about having one of each? Why does it matter?

Has anyone else experienced this?

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AvaLou · 06/09/2006 15:40

We have one of each and a stepdaughter and tbh would have preferred two boys, is that such a bad thing?

griffintribe · 06/09/2006 15:41

I think its lovely you are having two boys. They will grow up together and just think of all the mischief they will gey up too. Also you will already have baby clothes for boys rather than having to buy loads of pink

AvaLou · 06/09/2006 15:42

Gosh that sounded awful, posting without thinking. What I mean is we would have been delighted to have two boys, but of course are just as delighted with DD. But when everyone said 'oh well done' etc 'one of each' it didn't mean much to us.

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melrose · 06/09/2006 15:44

People are v insensitive aren't they. I have a similar thing at the momet, DS is 2 and everyone is obsessed with us having another. We are trying but hardly going to broadcast the fact am I! "Oh, you'll be having another soon then" me: "Oh thanks for reminding me, must nip home for a shag" Most annoying is people at work asking, like I'm going to say "yes, planning to get up the duff so don't consider me for any big projewcts or promostions as planning a sopt of maternity leave"

and my mother is already saying "It would be nice to have granddaughter" and I'm not even pregnant

Rant over

catj · 06/09/2006 15:48

Well I have 4 girls and I love it . Sure it would have made a change if dd4 had been a boy but under the circumstances now I feel it's irrelevant. Anyway it makes things simpler on the clothing front . If any one asks me now if we're going to keep trying until we get a boy I say no I'm getting a puppy instead!

(Dh did threaten to become a sperm donor though-guaranteed to get girls )

AvaLou · 06/09/2006 15:55

I guess we are lucky though, in my Grandmothers time, and culture, she was expected to have a boy, so had 6 girls, then a boy, then another girl.
Imagine how she felt delighted at the birth to have all the family, including her husband, being dissappointed just because the baby was a girl.

sweetkitty · 06/09/2006 16:03

My mother on hearing DD2 was a DD "oh well I'm not that bothered as I know you'll be having a third" WTF

She deliberately isn't as bothered about DD2 as DD1, why because she doesn't have a willy between her legs! I had a friend who lost a baby 18 months ago through medical negligence so any baby is an absolute godsend. I think it's made me that little bit more protective of DD2 and am so certain that she will be treated the exact same way as DD1.

My mother has also stated that it is only herself and one cousin who have "hit the jackpot" DD and DS to which I said "yes my Dad is very clever" that shut her up (they are divorced!)

chipmonkey · 06/09/2006 16:18

When I had ds2, I was sitting in hospital holding him when MIL said
"I know its disapointing for you but it will be nice for ds1 to have a brother" I was so upset to be accused of being disappointed with my gorgeous baby!
TBH I think people should think before they speak because they don't know what upset they might cause. I really would like a little girl as well as the 3 lovely boys I have but have had 3 CS's, placenta praevia on the last, and am not sure if I will be able to have another baby at all, never mind worrying about the gender. I would like ds3 to have a sibling closer to his own age, ds1 and ds2 are a lot older and are inclined to run off and play outdoors together leaving him on his own and watching that can be a little heartbreaking. So the people who blithely ask if I'll go again for the girl as if it were just as easy as that DO upset me in more ways than one and maybe they should just keep their mouths shut.

Helenemjay · 06/09/2006 16:41

I had 2 sons 2.5 years apart and they are now 3.5 and just 6 and they are the BEST of friends i dont think people mean to offend when they say these things, i had comments like these too, i think alot of people would prefer one of each and thats it, so people dont account for other people who dont worry about what sex child they have, my sister is very pleased she has one of each and would have been dissapointed to have had 2 girls/boys - i personally think its not a good attitiude - you should just hope for healthy children, but, each to their own im sure your boys will be great friends - and they will have each other for a LOOOOONG time

3andnomore · 06/09/2006 16:54

Oh I know what ya mean...having 3 boys...now I get the question...when are you gonna try for a gilr then...wtf...I do not want anymore children, and I love my boys and would not want to change them for the world...yes, not saying I would not have been happy with a girl in there or all of them girls...but I don't know comments like that are really patronising imo and sort of make you fele like your children aren't good enough just as they are!
Congrats on having a 2. boy though

spagbol · 06/09/2006 18:02

I wanted a girl every time, and have ......... 3 boys!! And they're great, and I love them, and I wouldn't mind another one.

Countless people have commented as to how disappointed I must be with ds3. FFS. He's absolutely gorgeous.

People just don't think before they start talking (do you remember all the people who recounted birth horror stories to you when you were 8 months pregnant? - one of my best friends told me all about someone she knew who had just had a stillborn baby when I was about to pop ds1 - amazing!)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 06/09/2006 18:06

Oh yes, I got the "Oh, now you have a complete family" comment quite a few times after having DS (already had DD).

Obv I think my family is perfect, but, not necessarily complete, and it doesnt rely on the fact that I have "one of each" either.

GRR

Blondilocks · 06/09/2006 18:12

GRRR how annoying! It doesn't really matter. We'd prefer a boy next time (got a DD) but if we have another girl then it wouldn't matter in any way.

It makes you wonder whether it would be easier just to tell people that you didn't find out what kind you we're expecting!!

littleducks · 06/09/2006 18:23

"Oh never mind, you can always have another baby"
reply: "Never mind, i suppose i can always get a less insensitive

Cailyn3 · 06/09/2006 20:00

I took my six week old ds2 with 2yr old ds1 with two elder boys I was minding - middle aged couple looked in the pram and said "oh, I bet you were so disappointed about it being another boy after having three already!" - the two I mind look NOTHING like me! - and I explained that it was only my second child, and that I was happy with another boy because I knew what I was doing from first time around! They still seemed surprised that I didn't mind he was another boy. Expecting number 3 now and all I hear is "I bet you are hoping for a girl this time don't you!" They don't believe me when I say that I don't mind either way!

kitbit · 07/09/2006 08:00

My MIL (normally a gem but steps over the line into psycho bonkers woman occasionally) had 2 sons herself, and BIL had 1 son at the time. When I got pg with ds she kept saying she was hoping for a girl as she'd wanted a girl all her life, and had rejected dh at birth initially when she found out he was a boy (nice thing to tell your son isn't it! good job dh knows how to take her, he just rolls his eyes). I found out we were having a boy and her reaction? "Well of course I'm very disappointed but don't worry I'll still love him". wtf? So the loving part was not to be taken for granted then??

Worse, she cannot keep a secret so told everyone we were having a boy before we had a chance to tell our news ourselves. And every person she told she also informed of her disappointment. Nice touch. Fortunately all our family and friends also know her well so we had many calls of congratulations for our forthcoming son, and lots of "take no notice of your MIL she's a bit mad and we're all delighted for you".

Have to say when ds arrived she was over the moon, and is lovely with him, but it does make me a little overprotective of him and guarded in her company, as if part of me wants to protect him against and disappointed feelings she may be harbouring! grr

booge · 07/09/2006 08:07

I have ds and dd(we think) due in 3 weeks and everyone keeps saying how pleased we must be to be expecting a girl, I really don't mind, I would be equally delighted if dd turned out to be a boy, regardless of the sex our family will be complete.

throckenholt · 07/09/2006 08:19

people have the odd idea that everyone wants a boy and a girl - and so anyone who does not have that combination must be upset and needs sympathy. It is their problem - not your - just ignore.

Tawny75 · 07/09/2006 16:35

I split with DD's father when I was pregnant. My OH is her daddy and has been since she was 4. Her biological father has not been in contact for 5 years and has not seen her since she was 18 months.

It annoys OH when people ask him if he will have 'one of his own' and say how much better it would be.

As far as OH is concerned, she is his. He taught her to ride a bike, comforts her when she cries, comes to school plays the works.

He just tells people any idiot can be a father but it takes a man to be a daddy.

Pollux · 08/09/2006 14:24

When I was pg for the 2nd time everyone assumed I was desperate for a little girl (as I had a DS), when really, I couldn't give two hoots as long as I had a healthy baby.

I ended up having a girl and everyone now assumes my family is complete, when I actully would like one more baby someday. People even congratulated me on having one of each. WTF! I would have been just as happy if she had been another boy.

wheresmyfroggy · 08/09/2006 14:44

We have 3 girls and often get the "Are you going to try for a boy next?" comments I find saying "no why would we?" tends to do the trick.

manuka · 08/09/2006 19:08

people are weird aren't they?!! Who gives a s**t so long as your all happy?! I have one dd and will not be having any more and everyone says Oh you'l change your mind you can't just have one!! Why not? Is it against the law?!

pinkchampagne · 08/09/2006 19:23

I got comments like that when I was expecting DS2 & after his birth.
People assume you must want one of each & everyone would say "I expect you want a girl now" & my Dad would say things like "Look after my grandaughter!!"
All I wanted was for my baby to be healthy, boy or girl, & these comments really started to get to me by the end of the pregnancy.
I love having two boys, they are really good company for each other & I felt my family was very much complete, but I still get "Aren't you going to try for that little girl?" comments.

Congratulations on your baby boy! Just try & ignore the silly comments.

sockmonkey · 12/09/2006 09:12

I have 2 little boys... and it's great. I may be a cheapskate, but it means I didn't have to go out and buy a bunch of new clothes/toys/accessories. Congratulations. Boys are fantastic!(Not that I have anything against girls, they are lovely too)

2plus2plus1 · 12/09/2006 13:26

When I was preg with ID twins I used to get 2 comments along the same lines:

"get it all over in one go" (i.e. won't need two pregs to make a family)

"its a shame the're ID you won't get a Boy & a girl"

Both really annoying. I now have DD3 - and still get comments like "will you have another" (i.e you havn't got a boy)

Whats with the obsession with a family being 1 dad, 1 mum, 1 son, 1 daughter?

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