How do you stop being resentful of your partner's social life?

[Writerwannabe83]

I have an 11 week old DS who is exclusively breast fed. This obviously ties me to him but that's absolutely fine as it's my preferred method of feeding.

My DH is wonderful, I'm not complaining about him at all.....but sometimes I feel so resentful that he gets to live his life whilst mine is halted.

It's not even that I want some 'me time' as I absolutely love being with DS, I hate being parted from him (I have left him someone for 30 minutes and it felt awful) but sometimes I just wish that when I am stuck at home I didn't feel so jealous of my DH's freedom.

He's just left now to go and play Zorb Football and then go out for a meal whereas I'm sat at home with a sleeping baby listening to it rain heavily outside and know I'm destined for another day indoors.

Pre-DS we always did things together and now DH still does the same things except I'm normally not there anymore.

I don't begrudge it him, I would never stop him doing anything and he is brilliant with DS and the care of him is shared....but sometimes, I just want to scream at him and say, "Don't you realise how f**king lucky you are!!" when he takes it for granted how easily he can just jump in his car and have his free time.

Your dh should be going out with you and your ds at this age.

Little babies are portable (and I know some are harder than others but that is why you and dh take him out together, so you can share the workload together). I didn't like going out alone with ds as it was so much more stressful and it felt like the burden was all on me. But ds as a baby seemed happier out and about and I think having dh caring for him at these time also made a difference, dh also used to often wear him in a sling while out which worked well for us.

Babies stop being as portable at around 9-13 months depending on personality and then you do need to plan a bit more. We still take ds who is nearly 3, out for dinner (at more child friendly places) and outings in the evening (he falls asleep on the way home and has a long nap the following day). It is enjoyable as we both share the parenting and we both get to enjoy being out. We actually prefer taking him out than organising and paying for a babysitter, much easier and cheaper.

Just read the whole thread. Get dh to try wearing ds in a sling when you go out.

This worked very well for us, gave me a break from having to be there physically (I found the constant caring touching/breastfeeding touching draining) so I needed a physical break. Even though I too couldn't leave him alone with dh or let dh take him out by himself at this stage either.

Ds also settled well in the sling with dh. Dh liked the closeness and bonding.

You can still go out for lunch in a pub with your friends while your ds is this young. Have a plan b if it doesn't work out but have a try for next weekend

Thanks again for your continued responses. I'm feeling even more trapped now as I no longer have a car!! My trips out to my baby groups or to visit family were what kept me sane! Me and DH are hunting for one but the trouble is finding the time to actually go and look at them.

And as for there being plenty of things to feel guilty for : I have spent the afternoon in A&E after the heavy battery compartment of my DS's mobile fell onto his head whilst I was holding it above him!

He's ok though thankfully

Oh no! Is there anywhere in walking distance? Can you invite people round to yours?

Don't worry about the dropping things. It's a right of passage. Everyone has either dropped the baby, or dropped something on the baby, or watched the toddler drop the baby. Most of us more than once!

You do seem very anxious though. Is there something else going on? Do you want to talk about it and/or do you have RL support?

I know what you mean - my dh is wonderful and has always helped but I often resent his ability to "opt out" when he wants to. I gave up my job and my degree to look after our dd and have no regrets but he has kept all his interests - darts, indoor footy, running and going to the football all on a weekly basis and they appear to be sacrosanct and there's just no space for me to do anything. My lowest moment was when dd had a fever as a baby and was very distressed and he abandoned me as there was no way he was missing the football and sent his mother round to deal with it!!!

People say it's great he has so many interests but they forget that I enable him to do them all by providing the childcare. I've heard him make arrangements with his mates without apparently giving childcare a second thought because it's taken for granted that I will be there to do it.

I just put my door down eventually and got parents and inlaws to look after dd so I could finish my degree. I've also made sure that "family day" is put on the calendar twice a month to make sure that we do something together regularly. It's hard to fit round all his hobbies but I make sure it's written on there so it can't be missed.

I still get resentful at times but asserting myself now and then like that really helps. You can't change his behaviour but you can change your own.

Sorry I meant foot not door! Bloody autotext!