What's the best parenting advice you have received?

[Nunyabiz]

Just wondering, if you are a mum or dad, any age children, what would you say is the best advice you have ever received? Any pearls of wisdom? Practical advice? Encouragement? Anything like that. Just something that has really stuck and influenced you personally. Thanks

When you see them doing something that you like ("being good", I guess) praise them quickly and specifically.
"Nice stopping at the edge of the road".

It takes 100 times doing something for it to become habit - so you will have to ask them to do something a fuck of a lot before they know they are "meant" to do it.

Kids are born stupid and selfish and they have to learn literally EVERYTHING and that is ok.

My grandmother: "trust yourself"

My best friend: "pick your battles"

A random child expert in the '80s - whose name I forget:
"minimise tantrums, and develop sense of self, by giving small children choices - just ensure they are choosing between two things you actually want! i.e don't say 'will you put your coat/shoes/jumper on' or 'shall we go to the shops now' as this gives potential to respond with"No" and invites conflict. Instead say "do you want to wear your blue coat or your raincoat?" "do you want to go to the supermarket first, or the petrol station?"

And finally, a pearl from my ex-FIL who applied business strategies to family life!: Negotiating with teenagers is great for their development. Just start waaaay higher than the place you want to end up at!!

Perspective, I was about to recommend Penelope Leach too. I'm so glad someone else uses it as none of my friends have heard of it but all my Mum's friends have. I was starting to think that I was parenting in some sort of 70s time warp!

Deputy - I like the idea about parenting the child you have (Whilst I'm wishing my two year old wasn't so dependent on her dummy at night!!)

My dad said to me to say 'yes' to my daughter when I can, if she wants to walk along a wall for example, don't hurry her along, walk slowly, hold her hand and let her enjoy the experience.

Trust your instincts, and always listen to what your child has to say, no matter how trivial it may seem. If they know they are taken seriously and given time and consideration then they're more likely to confide in you with the big stuff too.

'Sleep when your baby sleeps'. I still do this now and my youngest is 8

And the best piece of practical advice I ever received was that breast milk cures eye infections. Once I'd had the courage to try it, this was invaluable to me as my daughter suffered repeatedly from sticky eye as a baby, and blepheritis as a toddler. Eye drops were very painful and distressing for her, but breast milk always cleared it up within 24hrs!

Trust your instincts - you know your child the best

Attention cures many crises. Tantrums, crankiness, naughtiness can all be solved with some undivided attention.

My mum always used to say "you'll be given a lot of advice in your life. .. take what you want and leave the rest."

Learn how to swaddle
Put them down to sleep on the first eye rub/yawn
Pick your battles
Dont ever threaten a punishment you arent prepared to follow through on
Trust your instincts.

When it comes to newborns there is no such thing as too many hugs and yes they most definitely can be hungry AGAIN!

The hugs, kisses, baby smell and hand holding only last a short time so make the most of it.

Trust your instincts.

Keep doing/saying what you believe is right even when you think they aren't listening. It will be going in on some level. (I'm looking at YOU DS).

By the same token never say anything that you don't mind them repeating back to you!

Another vote for don't sweat the small stuff.

So much of what I've got hot under the collar about over my 20 years of parenting really didn't matter

(This is a , as much as a piece of parenting advice).

From my Auntie:
You get out what you put in.

My own favourite that helps me to enjoy the moment:
The days are long and the years are quick.

With PFB, 'He doesn't know you're a novice - you're the best mum he's ever had!'

scaredoflabour I love that.

From my sister: "don't bother with a cot. It's not as though she'll sleep in one for the first few months anyway".

From someone at toddler group when I was exhausted after a sleepless night: "She is so lucky to have such a responsive parent".

Everything is a phase. A lifesaver during tough weeks moments and good to bear in mind when everything's rosy so you remember to enjoy it!

That brings me to second piece of advice - enjoy your children. When DD was my PFB newborn, my mum asked me "Are you actually enjoying her?" I automatically replied "Yes of course," but really, it hadn't occurred to me that I was supposed to be enjoying her. At the time, I was too caught up in monitoring her feeding and sleeping and doing what books and the internet advised to develop her mind during her awake time, as well as trying to fit in housework, to actually enjoy anything.

Don't try and be perfect....enjoy it and remember you aren't just their mummy, you are yourself too

Don't be forever looking to the next milestone - when will he/she crawl, start to speak, walk etc. The early development stages pass so quickly, enjoy every moment and its joys and challenges at the time, don't be in a hurry to always get to the next stage.

Agree with don't sweat the small stuff. That is what I would go back in time and say to myself if I could! In the grand scheme of things, so many of the little issues and routines and worries that we have are so small and irrelevant compared with the bigger picture.

Your baby is a unique human being, not a doll.

If possible, arrange for your best friend to have twins at the same time as your baby. It puts everything into perspective!

If you're having twins, find someone with triplets.

If you're having triplets... Hmmm I may not have thought this through...

Mine is for parents of teenagers.

Don't take it personally!

My sister in law has 5 teenage kids and she said regardless of how huffy, shitty or nasty they get. Let it fly over ur head. Don't take it personally.

I have to say 2 teenagers later. I agree.

I like that - it's similar to "Remember that you are the adult and they are not" when dealing with toddler though the same could apply to a teenager or any age in between. I.e. Everything is new to them so they dont know how to deal with it as they have no experience. Also if your child seems mature and sensible in many things, it is very easy to just take this for granted and assume they are somehow more adult emotionally or have more experience (and will therefore know what to do and how to behave in every situation) than they actually do.