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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

What's the best parenting advice you have received?

76 replies

Nunyabiz · 20/05/2014 12:40

Just wondering, if you are a mum or dad, any age children, what would you say is the best advice you have ever received? Any pearls of wisdom? Practical advice? Encouragement? Anything like that. Just something that has really stuck and influenced you personally. Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LillianGish · 20/05/2014 14:29

Mumsnet mantra - this too shall pass! Oh and my mum's top tip: get yourself ready before you do anything else in a morning (hair, outfit, make up) so you are ready for anything - you might not feel competent, but you'll look it (and if you don't do it then you'll never get round to it.)

jeee · 20/05/2014 14:30

A trip to McDonalds = good. As soon as you enter those golden arches you will discover that your children are not the worst behaved children in the world. From Christopher Green, Toddler Training.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 20/05/2014 14:31

Whatever you are going through, it can't last forever.
Next week it will be something else.

Let it go.

When they are teenagers, remember how you used to be on your knees with tiredness because they decided to wake you up at 5am and get your revenge by ruining their Sunday morning lie ins

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Georgethesecond · 20/05/2014 14:31

Babies cry when they are tired. They need leaving to go to sleep, not messing with.

DeputyPecksBentBeak · 20/05/2014 14:36

Raise the baby/child you have, not the one you want. From someone on here actually. I wondered why my dd wasn't responding when I would tell her not to do something, all her friends did, but I've come to realise that the way to get through to her is explain something is wrong and then ignore the bad behaviour. She used to scratch a lot and the more I told her not to the more she would. Now if she does it I just take her hands away and ignore her and it's over in seconds.

Don't worry about a routine until at least 12 weeks. So useful and by that time they've usually got themselves in a routine.

And one bit of advice I'd give to myself if I could travel back in time: stop trying to be perfect. You are not, neither is anyone else and you'll drive yourself crazy and that's not good for anyone.

JoandMax · 20/05/2014 14:37

That nobody knows your baby like you do - they could of had 1,000,000 babies but they've never had that one so if you feel they're ill/hungry/colicky then you're probably right.

Said to me by a lovely GP who after seeing 5 others actually believed me when I was convinced something serious was wrong with DS2 despite no symptoms and appearing normal. 24 hours later he was in intensive care with his kidneys about to fail......

TantrumsAndBalloons · 20/05/2014 14:38

Oh and it's ok to admit to your child that you made a mistake.
If you scream at them in the heat of the moment that they have to go to bed at 6pm until they are 16 because they were naughty, it's ok to tell them that you didn't really think that one through

And the one I live by- no one is a perfect parent every minute of the day. If they tell you they are, they are lying.
As long as you do your best, love them, teach them, look after them then when they are 18 and about to leave home, that is what you will remember.
The days where they wouldn't use the potty, would sleep, wouldn't eat, the day where you had to abandon your trolley in tescos because of the tantrum, the day where it took you 20 minutes to get them in a car seat?
You won't worry about that.
You will look at them and think, yep. I didn't do too badly.

stinkingbishop · 20/05/2014 14:39

Oh, and when I was at school, 75% was an A. So if your kitchen is only 75% clean, you've only done 3/4 of the things you were meant to do that day, your baby sleeps well 3 out of 4 nights...YOU ARE AN A CLASS MUM!!!

yourlittlesecret · 20/05/2014 14:43

They need you more as they get older. Hard to believe when they are babies but very true.
See this thread on teenagers.

Ludways · 20/05/2014 14:45

"You grow as a parent at the same rate as your children grow up"

You'll be ready for their next stage at the same time as them, don't worry about the future.

Original poster

Nunyabiz · 20/05/2014 14:45

Dannydyer- couldn't have put it better myself!

OP posts:

Original poster

Nunyabiz · 20/05/2014 14:47

Perspective- touching words of encouragement there!
And couldn't agree more with the maternal intuition!

OP posts:

Original poster

Nunyabiz · 20/05/2014 14:56

Love everything you've written stinking- never thought I would agree with a horse/dog analogy when it comes to kids but in that sense you are right!
Also a huuuuge fan of the wet wipes. DH actually gets cross at me if I haven't got any in my handbag- I imagine they'll still be in there in 30 years time haha!

OP posts:

insanityscatching · 20/05/2014 14:58

Children want your attention if they get more attention when being good that's what they'll aim for so always notice them being good and ignore as much as possible of them being naughty.

If you want to wrong foot a terrible teen don't stand and shout drop your voice and tell them you are disappointed and enjoy the confusion on their face and the realisation that you are human too (Ds used to beg me to rant like "normal" parents).

Original poster

Nunyabiz · 20/05/2014 15:02

Tantrums- that's one I think that coincides with the sentiment - 'children are people too' and 'stop trying to be perfect'. We must show them we are human and that's ok. They will feel more loved and secure for it (and not have unrealistic expectations of life!) I really like that.

OP posts:

Notonaschoolnight · 20/05/2014 15:08

Pick your battles

Nocomet · 20/05/2014 15:09

I've never had any.
DM, and my D(sadly deceased) MIL would have detested receiving advice, so neither gave any!

weeblueberry · 20/05/2014 16:50

"The baby hasn't read any of the books so don't worry. She'll think everything you're doing is perfectly normal."

From my boss actually. I did read the books anyway but took them with a far bigger pinch of salt.

Bumpsadaisie · 20/05/2014 17:33

for the baby stage, parent the baby you have and not the baby in a book/ the baby you imagined/the baby you feel you ought to have/the baby

others have. The best way to have a happy baby is to respond to their lead and need and not try to force them into an alternative mould.

for the toddler stage, it's all about balance. Be firm about the big things, let them get their way and humour them about the smaller things, even . You have to both set boundaries but also encourage them in their quest for independence and the creation of their sense of self. It's a big task they have got on their hands, the creation of their whole personality and sense of competence/self esteem. Its bloody frustrating sometimes but remember that a toddler who feels they have agency in the world will be easier in the long run.

when they start school, don't get caught up in competitiveness about reading levels, or who is doing the most after school activities etc. Remember they are very little and they need plenty of time out of school for unstructured, un-adult led play. Your child can not be good at everything.

Thats as far as we have got so far!

Whereisegg · 20/05/2014 17:52

wee mine is very similar.
Someone told me that I could read all the books I wanted but that the baby won't have read any so wouldn't know that I was doing x, he was supposed to y.

Hanifa40 · 20/05/2014 17:56

Don't try and keep up with others. Take the kids to whatever clubs you can manage and if you can't, just spend time with them yourselves. Kids need love and time much more than holidays, clubs and expensive toys. Don't compete with others and you will end up with lovely grounded polite children. PS - Don't give in to tantrums, be firm but concise. (I tend to repeat myself ie. go on and on and hubby stays to the point) The kids listen to hubby!

PickleMyster · 20/05/2014 17:57

"You know your child best"

Sometimes, particularly in the baby/early toddler years I have had others put pressure on me (from my mum) to do things differently - to see what would happen it caused me a lot of stress at the time.
One day we went to an afternoon party at a neighbours house and DS was getting cranky tired so we explained to neighbour that we had to go a why and my lovely neighbour said "you know your child best". It has been my mantra with my mother ever since.

Currently pregnant with DC2 and I feel very prepared in that sense.

RidgyTipper · 20/05/2014 18:01

Never make a threat you're not prepared to follow through.

Don't speak to your child in a way you wouldn't speak to your friend.

mismylinford · 20/05/2014 18:05

just do what your heart tells you-
letting them cry won't hurt them- (at any age)
remember your a mother not her best friend-
she'll forgive your strictness when she has children herself-

KittyandTeal · 20/05/2014 18:12

Nod, smile then ignore advice.

It's the only advice I give to new or expectant parents

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