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Original poster

Being a bisexual parent.

117 replies

dizietsma · 28/08/2006 17:18

Being a bisexual parent has it's drawbacks.

Firstly everyone assumes that 'cos I'm married and have a baby then I must be straight. There seems no opportune way to broach it at playgroup without sounding like a overly strident loony and piping up with "I'm bisexual, don't you know" out of the blue, but at the same time I feel like I'm closeting myself because no-one knows. What's a girl to do?

Secondly, it's all very well if you're a lesbian 'cos then you can go to lesbian mother's groups. And if you're a gay dad then you get the same support group network. Where the hell do I go?

Any other bisexual mums and dads out there?

OP posts:
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NomDePlume · 28/08/2006 19:34

PMSL

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:36

rofl@WB

trefusis · 28/08/2006 19:37

This reply has been deleted

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bibimama · 28/08/2006 19:37

dizietsma if you want to chat to another bi mum, stopitgetdown at hotmail dot co dot uk.

just ignore them, I know how easy it is to be sensitive about being bi, and how left out you can feel from either 'main' gender preference.

I also can't discuss celebs I fancy because I accidentally say Angelina Jolie or something (gone off her really) and that doesn't go down well at toddler groups.

Of course you're sensitive about this. If they can't be sensitive back to you then just ignore em.

NomDePlume · 28/08/2006 19:42

Errrr, bi women HAVE replied to this thread. Just because they/we don't really 'get' this problem does not make us closets, or homophobes, or cruel. I really am leaving this thread now. Like I say, I hope you get this sorted.

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:43

i was actually just laughing at the extract from little britain not the poster or her thread.

bibimama · 28/08/2006 19:45

I never said anything of the sort NDP. Just if people can't be sensitive she should just ignore them.

Some people are on here for the entertainment value more than anything else. That doesn't mean they are being nasty, that's just the way it is.

Panman · 28/08/2006 19:54

Just read all of this thread. Don't care if you are bi or not. It read as a pretty shabby way of treating anyone. Zero patience demonstrated, and first chances taken to zoom off on cheap jokes. Oh well. Big up the sisterhood, eh?

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 20:03

there are always going to be people on threads for other reasons than wanting to offer genuine advice, however i would say the OP, had a good response from other bi mums, who wanted to help, 99% of the people on this thread were genuine.

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 20:04

ooops, meant to say, there are always going to be people on these type of threads for other reasons than wanting to offer genuine advice,

Glassofwine · 28/08/2006 20:15

Dizi- whilst I agree with others here, it did make me wonder why it was an issue if you are settled. I just thought I mention that when you have a baby or toddler you mostly talk baby/toddler stuff with other mothers, once they've got older ie 3 / 4 and if you're still friends with them you begin to move onto other subjects. You're not interested in feeding/sleeping/nappies etc and you've usually got a picture of your friends relationships even if you haven't met their partners/been to their house etc. So what I'm saying is gradually it will come into conversation naturally. If a friend of mine mentioned they'd had girlfriends in the past I would not bat an eyelid. It doesn't have to be an announcement.

I don't think anyone meant to be offensive.

PinkTulips · 28/08/2006 21:16

well this kicked off while i was gone

dizi, i'm not trying to be mean when i say this but if you're this sensitive on a chat site with people asking genuine q's and trying to offer advice i would 100% recommend you don't bring this up at mom and baby group.

as for your comments about lesbian and gay parents groups, well i would presume they are designed to support such parents through the difficuties associated with raising your child in such a relationship and dealing with the stigma and legal difficulties associated and as you are in a (presumably) happy relationship with a man you do not have to deal with any of these problems.

as for celeb fancying conversations, i have them with straight women and i'm often not the only one with women on her list so i think your unlikely to be shunned if you do so, most women are quite open minded and won't care less

i still think your sexuality should be your own personal business, no a badge you wear... and that my opinion as a bi women... which iirc was what you're op asked for, but apparently don't take well to others expressing an opinion... your problem, not mine

and with that i shall join NdP in leaving this thread

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/08/2006 20:50

Dietz

I dont know why you seem to want to categorize yourself. I would have thought that being in the category of being a parent/guardian/minder at these groups is enough qualification. What is it about being a bi-sexual parent that causes you problems that you feel like you need support of others such as yourself? Perhaps we can help?

FWIW I think NDP and PT have given some helpful comments.

I also think WB is rather funny....it wasnt a personal assualt on you, she just has no tact...

trefusis · 29/08/2006 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joolstoo · 29/08/2006 21:17

why would you discuss your sexuality with other mums? why do you think they need to know?

Joolstoo · 29/08/2006 21:24

oh dear - I should have read the whole thread first my comment looks like a little lost sheep

in Boris's field - Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/08/2006 21:26

PMSL Jools

morningpaper · 29/08/2006 21:32

WelshBoris "Well TBH on the Boris scale of sarcastic comments that was only a 4"

hahahahahhaha

dizietsma you sound more like a POLITICAL bisexual

Are you friends homophobic?

I agree that no one cares nowadays

Just mention it! Say "I quite fancy her!" when people mention a celebrity

I live in hardcore farmer country and no one gives a toss if you drop that sort of thing into conversation - if anything they are disturbingly interested and after half a beer start sobbing about how jealous they are

it's really not a big deal.

QueenEagle · 29/08/2006 21:43

By trefusis on Monday, 28 August, 2006 7:37:31 PM

Oh, dear. Always knew this thread could go either way.

Absolutely fucking brilliant tref!!! By far the funniest one-liner on this thread so far. Can I nominate it for quote of the week please MNHQ?

trefusis · 29/08/2006 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bananaloaf · 29/08/2006 22:27

i notice it tref but just finished reading the thread.

what i would like to know is why gay and lesbians feel the need to tell everyone. i am hetrosexual but i do not feel the need to broadcast it. identity is how you see yourself within society and that is a personal view - how others see you is a reaction to what you do and say and you get labelled it is not your identity.

aitch71 · 29/08/2006 22:36

dizie, one of the mums in my ante-natal group is happily married and as boring as i am. anyway, we were chatting about what we'd been doing five years ago and saying how different life was and she said 'well, mine was pretty different, i was breaking up with my girlfriend at the time'. to which i replied along the lines of 'gah?' or something equally articulate and she said 'oh yes - happily bisexual' and then one of the babies started crying and we were off talking about them again.

cos really, regardless of the details of someone's life when you have a young baby all you do is talk about breastfeeding and sleeping. she later mentioned later that her husband loves her ex and that they'd all attended a wedding together, as i recall. apart from that her sexuality hasn't come up again as a subject, other than discussing the dazzling beauty of Angelina Jolie - but everyone fancies her, don't they? i think she just wanted me to know because it was important to her for me to know the gist of her life.

so i understand why you'd want people to know, it's who you are, after all. my sister is gay and she tells everyone, but it doesn't mean she fancies them. so i think if you're hesitant about telling then something as offhand as my friend's approach would be good as it gets the facts across without inviting further comment or enquiry.

aitch71 · 29/08/2006 22:40

actually, thinking about it, my sis doesn't tell everyone everyone, but she tells everyone who she wants to know, IYKWIM?

aitch71 · 29/08/2006 22:45

had not read bananaloaf's post before writing that about my sister.

it's not a question for me to answer, bananaloaf, but i imagine that if the world just blithely assumes that you are something (in terms of sexual preference, racial origin, religion, culture) because you look like one of the majority, then i can see why you might want to tell people that you are not what they think you are.

HyacinthB · 29/08/2006 22:47

"Just read all of this thread. Don't care if you are bi or not. It read as a pretty shabby way of treating anyone. Zero patience demonstrated, and first chances taken to zoom off on cheap jokes. Oh well. Big up the sisterhood, eh? "

100% agree Panman.