Trying to be cheerful - it's another boy...

[BoysMum]

I've changed my name for this as I'm rather embarrassed to admit it, but I've just come back from a scan today at which dh & I agreed we'd like to find out the sex of the baby. We already have a gorgeous little boy and found out today it looks like we're expecting another.
I'm almost ashamed to admit that my initial feelings when we were told were of disaapointment instead of all the things I think I should have felt (i.e. relief at fact baby is fine, happiness at having healthy pregnancy when so many people have problems etc etc).
However I think I hadn't really realised that in my mind for some reason I'd convinced myself I was having a girl : the pregnancy was so different from last, baby seemed to 'feel' totally different etc.
I know this is just an initial feeling and in probably a couple of days time I'll be wondering how I could possibly have felt this way, but I thought if I could focus on the positives of having two boys (both now, and later in life) it might help!
At the moment all I can think of is a future filled with noise and dirty sports kits , feeling alienated by my husband and sons as they disappear to football matches and not having anyone to gossip with and go shopping!
I know I'm being silly, but can anyone out there with all boys remind me of the positives please?!
Dh suggested

• no need to buy more baby clothes (actually that was one of my disappointments!)
• they'll be able to share a room when older
• won't need 2 different sets of toys There must be lots of others surely?

Boysmum - my SIL has 3 boys and they'r all so different - you may, like her, end up with one quiet, sensitive boy who frets a bit and is quite arty, one happy go lucky boy who is v active and another who's v compliant & cuddly.
ps I DO know what you mean though, I was relieved when I found out (by accident) that I was having a girl...and now feel if I have another I wouldn't mind what sex it was, now I have my girl.

Boysmum, did you have any brothers? Some boys don't even like sport very much! You could always take them to football - it doesn't have to be your husbands preserve. Sounds to me like you think you'll be alienated by all these males - don't worry, you will always be their mum and a very important part of their lives. I think you'll love your two little boys very much and won't miss a girl - mind you, you could always have another!!!

I'm pregnant for the 2nd time, with a boy already, and I do know what you mean, although I'm weeks away from my scan yet. I'm almost hoping for a girl this time round, as I have to admit I was a little bit disappointed last time when I found out it was a boy (although I wouldn't swap him for the world now!). I think its almost always a case of a Mum wants a girl, and a Dad wants a boy.

However, I'm sure that this baby will also be a boy - my husband is from a very male dominated family - and I do think that in terms of the 2 kids playing together that 2 boys is going to be better.
I don't know if I've done anything to help you at all, Boysmum, - I think I'm just trying to reassure myself now! Sorry!!

Boysmum- I could have written this very thought when I found out that I was expecting another boy, technically my third boy. With my history, we lost our first baby (a boy) at 6months because of severe fetal abnormalities, I felt doubly guilty about feeling like I did. I love my son to bits and now that I've had 18weeks to get used to the idea of another healthy baby boy, I'm getting more and more excited about meeting him. I still have moments when I secretly wonder whether the hospital got it wrong as the pregnancy has been so different, and I would be ecstatic if they had, but if he's anything as cute as ds he'll be adorable.
I've saved a packet on not having to buy in a load of pink and flowery things for a girl, we might never need to go in for the more girlie toys, they'll hopefully be great playmates, keep an eye on each other at school, and in later life, and perhaps have more in common than if I'd had one of each.
PS I havent ruled out trying again for that elusive girl, as I do feel a little outnumbered by the male sex in my household already. And girls clothes always look much more cute in the catalogues and shops. Perhaps another plus point, ds seems to have half the number of different clothes as some of his female counterparts, because I think the choice for boys is so crap! So a few extra pounds in your pocket again!
Don't worry, this disappointed feeling will pass, much quicker than you think too. Good luck.

I have 2 sons ans am thrilled with them. I love the rough & tumble. I have never felt a great yearning for a girl, so i'm sorry I can't truly empathise, but I hadn't really thought about the sex in either case and am really happy with my 2 sons. I think perhaps that they may be closer friends than 1 girl 1 boy? (but possibly also bigger scraps!) I don't know, and there are bound to be countless people with contradictory reports.

If the shopping is any consolation, if they are born at different times of year or are quite different sizes, then you may well need to buy stuff after all. My second has hardly had any stuff off big brother, as one was a summer baby and one a winter one. Plus, you cou;ld treat yourself to a new pushchair, couldn't you?

Enjoy your 2 boys - if they're as bonkers as mine, you'll have loads of fun with them.

Can't talk from experience as I have girl of 9, boy of 5 and girl of 4 months.
My SIL though has boy of 12, girl of 10, boy of 7, boy of 3 and boy of 1. She admits that she always wanted another girl and thought child #4 was a girl and was very disappointed when he turned out to be a boy. She suffered slight PND because of his sex, but after about 6 weeks looked at the baby and realised she did love him and seemed to get better after that. When she fell pregnant again, she also hoped it would be another girl but this time she found out from her scan it was another boy. She was very depressed to start with, but by the time the baby was born she was fine.
She says she would try for another baby (bit late though as her husband had a vasectomy just before Xmas) if she could be sure of having another girl, but obviously that isn't going to happen now.
When I was pregnant, she used to keep saying that she felt I was having a boy since she had 4 (our husbands are brothers) and she felt boys ran in their family.
She was a bit upset when my baby was born and it was a girl but she is fine with me now.
I think all children are individuals and by the time your baby is born you will love him to bits.

I have no less than 5 boys! Although I would have liked a girl last time round, I purposely didnt ask what the baby was during the scans. In the event, I had problems with the pregnancy during the final months and was just very happy to have a healthy baby at the end of it.I think once the baby arrives, it is the personality that becomes important, not the sex. And just think of the teenage years-far preferable with boys I think, although some may disagree!

Boysmum, don't worry too much because I'm sure everything will work out fine. You seem concerned about being alienated etc but I would be really, really surprised if that happened. Look at it the other way round - being pampered by three men in your life!

I had two boys for many years followed later by two girls. I understand your concerns a little as I was terrified when I finally had a girl - "what do I do with a GIRL???" but Bundle is absolutely spot-on about characters being so different and that is what counts. Now I am as close to the boys as the girls and they are all as different to each other as strangers in the street.

As for clothes buying - well the little mite needs some new things, doesn't he? And a doll's house and/or pram won't come amiss, if you want to have 'girly' toys around. Good luck with the pg.

Boysmom, I have 2 boys and must admit that I was gutted both times when I found out. At the time I tried to focus on the positive that they were healthy and Ok (and I was able to have them). I was really bad the first few days after my second was born and sobbed because he was a boy. I knew dh wouldn't have any more and so had missed my chance of a girl. I am very close to my own mom and couldn't bear the the thought of not having a daughter to share things with. But 1 year later these thoughts have mostly passed. My boys are so different and so absolutely adorable, I couldn't imagine life without them. Yes they are loud, messy and noisey but they're uncomplicated and free of hormonal outbursts. As Rozzy says, it will be great when they're old enough and they can go to the football with dad whilst I have a Saturday afternoon to myself (get pampered, do shopping, catch up with girlfriends). Not to mention the benefits when they're older. The way girls seem so grown up at such young ages frightens me sometimes - they look like little women at 8/9.

Having said all that, deep down I know it will always be a regret but there is no point concentrating on it. I look at the positives and don't dwell on the might have beens. The positives are a plenty and you'll have such fun finding them.

I know how this feels! I clearly remember two palpable pangs of disappointment when my twin boys were delivered which came precisely after each "it's a boy" announcement!
Looking back I find this very funny because 1)I can't imagine them not being the unique lovely little boy people they are and 2)I can't believe I found the time and energy to even think about their gender during the horror that was their birth- by emergency caesarian accompanied by a huge bleed and many worried medics thinking I might be about to pop my clogs. Luckily the turnaround came very quickly- one look at my partner wearing two little bundles of boyness on his chest and an expression of terror on his face and I realised that my 3 males needed and loved me and I needed and loved them. Cue fast recovery, blood transfusion and pure delight in my gorgeous boys, which hasn't faded yet!

As the mum of two young boys aged 6 and 3, I do understand your concerns Boysmum and I must admit when my second son was born, dh and I felt initially very disappointed he wasn't a girl. We had a host of girls' names lined up but only a couple of boys' names! But I can honestly say three years on that I hardly ever think "if only ..." As has already been said, once a child develops its own personality, you just wouldn't change them for anything.

My two are very different and far from feeling outnumbered in an all-male household, I feel like the queen bee! Both boys are very affectionate - ds1 wrote in his mothers day card "I love you with all my hart". He's a sensitive child, not particularly into football and enjoys art, stories, visiting museums and National Trust properties. Ds2 is much more boisterous, but as well as rough and tumble, he also adores music and plays. I took him to a ptroduction of "A Christmas Carol" recently and he was enthralled. So just because you have boys, don't think you will be excluded from doing lots of things with them.

Scummymummy - what a lovely thing to write QUOTE "one look at my partner wearing two little bundles of boyness on his chest and an expression of terror on his face and I realised that my 3 males needed and loved me and I needed and loved them. Cue fast recovery, blood transfusion and pure delight in my gorgeous boys ..."

That is just so lovely.

Having an elder daughter and a middle son (and a baby daughter), I have to say, from experience, that I find boys much more affectionate than girls. My DS is so loving, cuddly, thoughtful of other people's feelings whereas my DD, even at the same age, was and is totally different.

Don't worry Boysmum, I too was initially disappointed (some may think I am wrong) when my scan revealed a boy, as I had a daughter sitting on the bed at the time. I really really wanted another girl. I think they thought that I would be delighted to know it was a boy. I burst into tears when they told me! I was glad I knew, I needed that time to get used to the fact he was a boy, I still hoped he'd be another girl when he was born. He's 14 now and I don't know what I'd do without him. You'll still love him when he arrives, but I can identify, my sister has two boys, a frined has 4, another 5! Look forward to your new baby.

Rather a long term view, I know, but no weddings to pay for!

I also agree that most boys have a very special relationship with their Mums, more so than girls, from what I've seen. (Girls bond with their dads instead!)

Maryz, I like some of the benefits you listed about having boys!! Very true. Boysmum, when I was pregnant I desperately wanted a girl too, as my husband already had two teenage boys from a previous marriage and I knew that this would be my only child. He didn't want another child and my baby wasn't planned, but I thought "if it's a girl he'll be delighted." And I had always pictured myself with a daughter. So I didn't find out the sex, I waited until the baby was born and prayed that it would be a girl - I think I was actually convinced it was a girl. I had a caesarian and when the doctor lifted the baby out, the first thing I saw were the testicles!!! I can't explain the shock and disappointment. My husband was sitting right there and luckily he seemed happy with the baby, no matter what the sex was. It took me a while to get over the disappointment and accept that he was a boy. I have to say though, he was a dear little thing (only 5 lb 8oz) and he looked exactly like me, in fact over the next few months, my parents said it was like seeing their own baby again. He is now 20 months and although he is active, he is a beautiful little boy with a very happy nature and I really have had no problems with him. I've accepted that I will never have a girl but I do love my son and know that there is a reason that he was given to me, instead of my much-wanted daughter. Try not to be too upset, there isn't much you can do about it now!! But I fully understand and wish you all the best. I'm sure he will be a blessing to you.

When I was pregnant I was convinced I was having a boy. Knew I would be bringing the child up alone and couldn't bear the thought of all those mother/daughter conflicts. Plus, sons seem far more sentimental towards their mothers. Of course, had a girl - for about 2 days I referred to her as 'he'. But sons certainly seem to have some significant bond with their mums.

Wouldn't swap my little girl for the world though - and the conflicts are daily

This is a subject so close to my heart, I have a ds and desperately want a girl too. However, I have rationalised it this way :

1. I want to have another healthy baby.
2. I don't want ds to be an only child.

Of course it would be great to have one of each, but the above two factors, far outweigh that preference.

I have found that by thinking of it in this way, it releases the pressure that I put on myself, about having a girl. I will also like you, Boysmum, find out the sex next time. I think its a great idea, as by the time you have your second son, you are going to be so looking forward to meeting him. No chance of hanging on until the birth to have any feelings of disappointment. Also, don't you just think how brilliantly babies are designed, they are so scrumptious, all those wodgy bits and cute little smiles - ultimately who cares what the sex is, he's made by you and its marvellous!

I love the messages here. You've said it all for me. I have never found it so difficult to add my bit, but here goes.

I have a suitcase full of my wooden dolls house furniture and another full of my dolls of the world. With two boys, both resolutely anti-doll, I guess my toys won't be coming out to play till I have grandchildren. I'd be lying if I said I never felt the odd pang of lonliness in my male dominated household. Football, pokemon and cars leave me cold - I can't help it.

But these are just the trappings, aren't they? There's something uncomplicated about boys - their emotions are more on the surface. They seem to mature more slowly, so you have your babies for longer. I'm sure they idolise me far more than a daughter would.

There will be no sexual rivalry as they get older. I will never have that cruel reminder of how I looked in my youth, as they become teenagers and I enter my 50s. And rather than reliving my own life, I am constantly learning about life from a male point of view.

Boysmum, I know what you mean about NOT feeling free to shop til you drop for little girl clothes this time round, but can I just add a thought from a reluctant parent of just the one boy, to all these lovely posts? Think how good it will be to get all the little togs out from first time round and see another little fellow filling them out. You will get a chance to revisit those favourite plush dungarees, that first silly hat, etc. If we ever have another, I too would find out the sex, and if it were a girl I'd probably be posting the same as you, but in reverse! I think the initial sense of disappointment is very understandable.

I've now got two boys and a girl, so I don't know what it is like to be faced with the 'only boys in the family thing'. I did however spend my pregnant months worrying about whether the last ds would be healthy (no particular reason for this except that I didn't have any scans apart from the 20 week one) I think you just have to repeat to yourself : the only thing that really counts is to have a healthy baby. Think how difficult it is for those who don't and be thankful... (sorry, sounds a bit pious, must be post-birth weepiness )

Being pregnant with number 2 I think other people are more worried if I dont have a girl this time round than me. I really dont mind. In some ways it would be nice to have a girl and buy the girlie clothes, go out horse riding together when she is older etc etc. But I really like having a boy, ds is easy uncomplicated and great fun. I think it would be nice for him to have a brother but also to have a little sister to look after as they get older. Another thing, what would I do with a girl I just think what will be will be and that little man of yours is needed to do something special in his life. Good luck.