At my wits' end with screaming DS :(

[Cariad007]

DS is nearly 11 weeks old. I was expecting a baby to be hard work. I wasn't expecting hell on earth. He basically cries non-stop each evening from about 6pm and has started doing this in the mornings too. And there's nothing I can do to stop it. He has improved from earlier days where he would scream unless being fed or asleep as he does have happy periods now. But he can literally be smiley and playing happily one second and screaming hysterically the next. Last week on two occasions he had a sudden attack of screaming that really scared me as he shrieked until he burped loudly and then was peaceful. So I figured that was just wind but I don't know what the other, more continuous screaming is about. He seems to get very tired and then gets furious because he can't sleep and then screams in anger. I don't know what to do to stop this.

He is EBF and growing well (91st percentile for weight and so long that he's literally off the growth charts for baby length), seems to latch on properly and I give him Infacol before feeds too. He is quite windy and produces a lot of smelly farts but only poops about once a week, twice if we're lucky, though it's of a normal consistency and not constipated.

I've taken him to the doctor AND a paediatrician who both said they couldn't find anything wrong with him. I initially thought he might have silent reflux but the doctors said no, the GP going as far to say that reflux is just a buzzword that everyone is latching onto now and that the medications for it can cause bone density issues. I've tried osteopathy and that doesn't work either.

My mum has been staying with me for the past month or so but I don't know how I'll cope when she leaves as all my family live overseas and DP works full time. He helps as much as he can, usually by taking DS for a long walk when he returns from work and if DS goes to sleep that gives us an hour of peace. And then the screaming begins again.

Anyone experienced the same and got any tips for coping? Otherwise I think I may hurl myself from the balcony once my mum leaves!!

Yes been there. It does get better. Google Dr Sears High Needs Baby. Ds is 3 now and still intense but nothing is as bad as those early days.

It will pass. He won't be screaming all waking hours, every day at five. Not much help when you're in the thick of it, and exhausted.

One of the best bits of advise a midwife gave me, for my own sanity, was sometimes there isn't anything you're doing wrong. You just can't comfort them. If you need to step away, put them somewhere safe like in a playpen, cot, pram and make yourself a brew in another room with the door closed. Its obviously not something you do for hours on end but 5 - 10 mins away from the screaming really does return you to sanity.

DS1 used to scream and scream and scream when he was tired. I had a great big pram and used to march him along the cycle path. I used to think people would think I was abusing him because his screams proceeded us. But the fresh air helped my sanity and after three to four miles he'd drop off. Then I'd have a quiet walk back with my dogs trotting along happily.

Hmm I'd get a second doctors opinion. They sound unsympathetic at the very least. And reflux is absolutely awful. Ds had silent reflux and once he was on medication he was like a different baby. Giving him a dummy also helped with the reflux as sucking reduced the acid and we propped his cot up on books at an angle so the acid went down. All things that might be worth a try.

Things do get better. 11 weeks in is just about the most awful part actually. You're shattered and over the baby moon stage and just want a resemblance of normal life. I remember it well (dd is 11 and ds is 2). Honestly it does get better from here on in though. X

I'd go see another Dr.

Fwiw I've found sometimes gripe water works better than infacol.

Thanks for all the responses. DP has taken DS for a walk and I am basically fighting back the tears as it's so hard. When he's happy he's the most adorable little baby with a smile that'll melt your heart.

I've tried giving him a dummy but he hates it and would rather comfort suck at me, which is uncomfortable to say the least! I've also tried gripe water but he seemed to cry more at that. Now that the GP and paediatrician have said there's nothing wrong with him I'm not sure where to go tbh as I think another GP would say the same. The GP even told me that it's just temper and I'd have to do something about it otherwise it would be hard for me. So that didn't make me feel like a shit mother.

I do think that a lot of the time he's just tired but can't settle and then gets in a temper. He tends to flail his arms and legs about in his sleep too, which inevitably wakes him up. He doesn't like swaddling so I put him in a Gro Bag and at the first sign of flailing we gently hold his arms and legs down so he doesn't wake himself. There must be an easier way though!!

Thanks to the poster who suggested the Dr Sears site - DS definitely displays all the signs of a high needs baby and I'm really hoping he doesn't turn into a high needs toddler/child as I just can't take it :(

I would get a second opinion on the reflux because for the doctor to say it's a 'buzzword' is ridiculous!!

My sister's 2nd baby had reflux and once she got meds for him he was a different baby.

My ds doesn't have reflux (he's 22 weeks now) but seemed to struggle with wind that caused screaming fits and I can remember feeling so hopeless and awful for him but luckily infacol worked. However, it was no where near as bad as what you are going through so I can only imagine how awful it must be.

Is your ds ok upright? Could you use a sling to keep him close and upright? My friend loved hers.

Will he fall asleep in the pram/car? My ds has always fought naps during the day and sometimes the only way he will fall asleep is in the car/pram. He sleeps fine at night but I'm often wandering round with my pram while he sleeps or driving the long way round to the supermarket!

Do you go to any groups? I started when ds was 6 weeks old and have found them a lifesaver. People are friendly and willing to share advice or just a moan! I always found someone offered to grab me a brew while I was holding ds when he was tiny. It was sometimes the only hot brew I got in a day!! I personally found (and still find) getting out of the house and chatting to someone or just walking on our own immensely helpful.

I promise it will get easier my ds is 5 months now and much more settled and happy. I now find it's me at those groups offering to get a brew for a new mum!

Please push for a 2nd opinion and I hope you get sorted soon xx

Your gp sounds really useless. Mine took a brief glance at ds and prescribed- she said it was worth a try and said it was hard to diagnose silent reflux anyway. Ask for another gp and say you weren't happy with the first one. You have to remember they aren't gods and some are very useless.

Shame about the dummies.... mine loved theirs and it really helped to settle them, but having said that I formula fed both of mine so maybe you are much more appealing than a rubber dummy :) I did find they only liked the MAM brand ones though. I don't know it that will make any difference. For the sake of a few quid could be worth a try. You could put some breastmilk on it to make it more appealing.

I also found mine just tended to get over tired like you've described. When that happened I took them to a dark room, stayed silent and just rocked them until they calmed down even if they didn't fall asleep. Paced about for hours with ds!

It's exhausting isn't it. No one tells you all this when you're pregnant.

My DS1 was a screamer who didn't like to sleep - he's 23 months now and switches between being a delight and a toddler force of nature Once they're older, it's still tiring, but also much more amusing (for example, DS1 managed to throw an extremely hard tennis ball at my DH today with exquisite aim and hit him squarely in the nads - despite the pain, DH found it amusing due to the amazing accuracy and force generated by a not-yet-two-year-old . Personally, I nearly choked on a bit of the apple I was eating I laughed so much. Don't think I helped the situation )

Only things I can suggest are....

Make sure you don't have PND. In retrospect, I did, and it made things so hard; if I'd got help with it things would still have been hard but I think I would have weathered it better.

Don't fight back the tears - if you need a cry, have a cry. Bottling things up will make it harder.

Sometimes if DS was overstimulated, I'd stand in the hall with him looking at a blank wall. Occasionally, this would help him calm down a bit.

When DS was screaming and there didn't seem to be a reason, I told myself he had growing pains. No idea if this was true or not, but I remember growing pains as a child and they were horrible, so it made me feel more understanding towards DS if I told myself that was the reason!

Get loads of photos of him when he's in a good mood; you can look at these when times are tough to help remember that it's not a nightmare all the time.

Never tried this, but in retrospect, earplugs or listening to music through headphones might help while trying to comfort baby; it won't bother him and might make you feel a bit more distant from the noise so it doesn't grate so much.

Didn't try these guys but they might be able to help: www.cry-sis.org.uk/

I honestly think some babies just don't like being babies; once DS1 was sitting up, things got a bit better. Then, once he was mobile, things got a lot better. Well, better in one way, more exhausting in others

It does get better and the relentlessness will recede - I also think when you have a baby like this, it takes more than a few weeks to mentally adapt to it. My DS2 (10 weeks tomorrow) is a totally different baby and it's fascinating seeing how different two siblings can be.

Doubt any of the above helps, but chin up - you can do this and you will survive.

I went through exactly the same, even the things you say about size and weight are the same, so maybe there's a growing pains thing too. I used to spend the whole day either carrying him around in my arms or in the pushchair (great for losing the baby weight but not so great for sanity). It would take a good 2 hours of screaming every evening and me singing Yellow f**king Submarine over and over before he would sleep. He used to get terrible trapped wind too. The only things that worked at all were using the dummy to help him fall asleep, and singing - more for my sanity than relaxing him!

I found things progressively harder up to 3 months and then progressively easier. By 6 months he was going straight to sleep after his last bottle at night. It started to get much easier once he learnt to roll over and then easier once he figured out how to crawl.

DS is 10 months and he's totally different, he's really chatty/babbly and laughs all the time - so maybe the crying is just a sign of a communicative baby! Just hang in there, it doesn't last forever and it's not necessarily a sign that he'll be a difficult toddler.

I feel for you and you're not alone. Whether or not he has reflex, it's true that being overtired turns babies into helldemons. While you're waiting for a second opinion on the reflux, google the maximum awake times for his age and be militant about preparing him to sleep at least 15 mins in advance. How you get him to sleep is irrelevant - boob then into wrap sling or pram worked for my helldemon, the sling especially once she'd stopped fighting it.
It will get better and you're doing really well. 11 weeks is dead hard.

Oh yes and I was convinced my dd would be high needs forever. But she's the sunniest 2 year old around!

Hey have been in same position a few weeks ago. Baby stopped sleeping and just screamed constantly. At worst think we went full 24 hours without her sleeping just screaming pretty much constantly. Did work out that this happened more when she was flat/this brought it on. Also she get hiccoughs a lot so figured reflux treatment was worth trying. This has helped loads still struggle to get her to sleep/stay asleep and she hasn't slept in her cot for over three weeks despite it being tilted however she isn't screaming constantly so it is slightly easier to deal with, also she does sleep in car seat although far from ideal. We tried infacol, lactose free formula, colief etc. However I don't think these made much difference so stopped them all. Actually found that stopping infacol helped with the reflux and thankfully she is good at bringing up wind.

Like others have said reflux is a possibility my baby never really threw up but given it came on lying down that was enough for doctors to try the medicine.

Also I ended up looking up how to safely co sleep as at stages she would sleep on me but nowhere else and I was falling asleep holding her so decided to try to make it as safe as possible (always swore I would never co sleep but felt planning to do it was safer than it happening through exhaustion).

Hope screaming improves soon it does get you to breaking point not sure how anyone with pnd could manage it as I was almost broken despite not being depressed!

Are you sure it's just comfort sucking and he isn't actually hungry? Long periods of cluster feeding, particularly in the evening and in the morning if they've had a longer sleep over night, are quite common.

Maybe if you post on the breastfeeding board someone there might be able to offer help in addition to the advice from PPs above.

I found baby massage really helped, did a six week course when ds3 was about 10 weeks old and seemed to be suffering from colic/gastric pain. There's
A particular one for the tummy area, which seemed to help him a lot, and the general massage was very calming for us both. Tummy one was 3 sweeps left to right in a semicircular hand movement across the whole tummy area, followed by one stroke right to left in a straight line. Repeat about 5 times. But I'd really recommend a class if you can find one near you.
I'd also consider what Anythingnoteverything was saying, its possible that he's hungrier than you thought and is building up your milk supply.
Most babies are a lot more settled by about 4 months but I think we all know how hard it can be in the early days, and it does get easier. Its so hard seeing your baby upset/in pain, and I don't think the GPS comment about temper was helpful or kind. Maybe your health visitor might have some suggestions?

Hi OP,

Do you have a routine to rule out tiredness? There are many books which have routines in them like baby whisperer, Tizzie Hall- save our sleep, Gina ford-Contented little baby. All have routines to help you know when to put them down for a nap. Is your LO having 3 naps a day?

My little one screamed when he was tired, when I got that under control he chilled him out much more.

But it will get better, when he can eat at 6 months it helps, when they can crawl around they are just on little adventures around your lounge and it isn't so intense. I hated months 1-6, I'm probably supposed to say I loved it, but I didn't, its so full on, and you don't get much back. Now my LO is 10 months old and it's awesome, I can make him roar with laughter and play hide and seek and peekaboo and he is amazing. But 2/3/4/5 months old erghhhh! I dread thinking I will go back to that stage again with baby number 2.

Keep posting on here, the mumsnet mummies are really helpful xx

Poor you!

I had the same. DS had some kind of stomach problem ( never got to the bottom of it) and was a high needs baby.

I remember sitting on the floor crying and calling DH at 9:15 saying I did not know how to make it through the day..

We went for long walks in the pram which soothed him a bit, and were religious about burpjng him.

Also got a part time nanny as I just needed to get out of the house a few hours every day ( in theory to work freelance, as I was a writer, but I spent many an hour in the middle of the day at thecinema)

He grew out of it.

Advice: see another doc, something is up with your baby's tum

Also: recruit some kind of help.

I was all alone overseas and had no friends/family so the nanny saved my sanity!

Sounds like tough going! Does he like motion? Would a mechanical swing help? Ds used to fall asleep if I held him while I gently bounced up and down on an exercise ball. Found pram walks great for getting him to nap, and if he did cry in the pram, it didn't sound as bad outside as it did stuck in doors with him. Hope things improve for you soon. I found the crying really affected me.

Thanks again for all the replies and suggestions. Unfortunately I've already tried a lot of them to no avail! DS doesn't like being in a sling, massage has made no difference and if only I could afford a nanny!! I'd like to start taking him to groups and baby yoga or massage classes but I worry that he'll start screaming and end up disturbing the whole group.

I've now taken him to two GPs and a paediatrician but none of them found anything wrong with him. I guess if I want a diagnosis of some stomach problem then I've got to subject him to invasive tests but that may provoke even worse behaviour.

I sometimes do think it's tiredness but he just gets so worked up.
He does sleep when I take him for walks in his pram but unfortunately that's almost the only times he sleeps. He'll sleep for up to 4 hours whenever we are out in the pram but once he wakes at home he won't go to sleep again. Today for example he was cranky in the morning and by some fluke I managed to get him to sleep for a couple of hours. He was then cranky again until we left the house and while we were out he managed a couple of naps but hasn't had a decent sleep since then! He is now screaming the house down and nothing we do can stop him. He does this often and usually falls asleep when he tires but it's so distressing to hear him scream like this.

He had his BCG jab last Wednesday so this may be linked to that although tbh he was like this even before he had any jabs. The nurse also took one look at him and said he's teething but as he's only 10 weeks I can't quite believe it.

I would like to get him into a routine with naps and bedtimes etc but this crying is so relentless that I don't have the energy. I honestly don't know how I will cope when my mum leaves as he seems to be getting worse rather than better.

OP, I know this will sound so unhelpful but I'll just say it anyway just in case.
Most babies really hate the sling to start off with. Mine did. Got really worked up and yelled. But I just reached a point where I thought 'you're crying anyway so you may as well cry in the sling'. It took maybe 3 days of repeatedly putting her in, doing laps of the house while shushing and jiggling her, and she eventually just gave up and went to sleep in it. I had a Kari Me. I think only a wrap sling will properly work. Would you try the sling again?

Also, I used to rock dd in the pram inside the house. Didn't always work but sometimes it did, and then I just jiggled it with my foot while drinking tea etc. I know he's still so little though.

He could well be teething also I'm afraid and if so that's rough for you. Hang in there, in even 4 weeks' time it's unlikely he'll scream every night like this. Once again, you're doing a great job.

I have a wrap but I think he's too big for it now so will pay a visit to my local sling library and see what they have there.

He's been up since 6.30 this morning, fed a bit and then started screaming. I tried cuddling him and feeding him more but he wasn't interested but went to DP who has to go to work shortly. I love him but am starting to think having a baby was a huge mistake. And then I feel horribly guilty for thinking that as there are so many people who'd love a child but can't have one. I'm his mum, I should be able to calm him down but clearly I'm useless at this.

Listen, a crying baby makes fools of us all, it's horrible to listen to and we all feel helpless. Don't worry about feeling like DS was a mistake. We've all felt like that at times - well I certainly have. An entirely normal reaction to endless screaming imo. Do try to visit the sling library if you have one, and don't ever worry about your ds crying in public, it will bother you way more than anyone else!

But what's your instinct - do you think there is something wrong that the gps have missed? My dd had a TT which wasn't cut til 14 weeks, but I think she was just high maintenance anyway.

I spent months thinking having a baby was a huge mistake and I'd ruined our lives (baby included). It's a crap feeling, I know. DS1 always settled much better with DH than me and I was terrified at the thought of coping on my own, but did. You will too.

If he's teething, does a dose of Calpol help, or teething powders like Ashton & Parsons? My DS1 started teething symptoms around 3 months and got his first teeth at 22 weeks.

For when he's a bit older, you can express some milk and make some homemade milk ice lollies to help sooth gums, if you fancy trying it.

Does he like being in the bath or a tummy tub at all? I believe tummy tubs can soothe sometimes; DS1 used to fall asleep in his sometimes!

My DS was just like this so you have my sympathy. Has your DS been checked for tongue tie?

He was checked for tongue tie when he was born and the midwife said he was fine. He feeds well although he tends to gulp a lot which makes me think he swallows air and that leads to wind. He was just happily cooing in my arms and then in the blink of an eye went into screaming mode. My mum took him and then 5 mins later he was happy again. He does exhibit some of the signs on that tongue tie list that was linked to above but not all. He does come across as quite tense/stressed when he feeds - kicks and punches at my breast.

He likes his bath but screams when he's taken out of it!!

I don't even know if I can trust my instincts anymore. At first I thought he had reflux but now he doesn't exhibit the signs of it and now that I've read those signs of tongue tie I see that he has some of them but not all. I don't even know if I'm coming or going any more?

Unfortunately the MW is unlikely to have the skills or experience to diagnose tt. Its worth getting it checked again