At my wits' end with screaming DS :(

[Cariad007]

DS is nearly 11 weeks old. I was expecting a baby to be hard work. I wasn't expecting hell on earth. He basically cries non-stop each evening from about 6pm and has started doing this in the mornings too. And there's nothing I can do to stop it. He has improved from earlier days where he would scream unless being fed or asleep as he does have happy periods now. But he can literally be smiley and playing happily one second and screaming hysterically the next. Last week on two occasions he had a sudden attack of screaming that really scared me as he shrieked until he burped loudly and then was peaceful. So I figured that was just wind but I don't know what the other, more continuous screaming is about. He seems to get very tired and then gets furious because he can't sleep and then screams in anger. I don't know what to do to stop this.

He is EBF and growing well (91st percentile for weight and so long that he's literally off the growth charts for baby length), seems to latch on properly and I give him Infacol before feeds too. He is quite windy and produces a lot of smelly farts but only poops about once a week, twice if we're lucky, though it's of a normal consistency and not constipated.

I've taken him to the doctor AND a paediatrician who both said they couldn't find anything wrong with him. I initially thought he might have silent reflux but the doctors said no, the GP going as far to say that reflux is just a buzzword that everyone is latching onto now and that the medications for it can cause bone density issues. I've tried osteopathy and that doesn't work either.

My mum has been staying with me for the past month or so but I don't know how I'll cope when she leaves as all my family live overseas and DP works full time. He helps as much as he can, usually by taking DS for a long walk when he returns from work and if DS goes to sleep that gives us an hour of peace. And then the screaming begins again.

Anyone experienced the same and got any tips for coping? Otherwise I think I may hurl myself from the balcony once my mum leaves!!

I would get him more day sleep.

Get a decent sling. Make sure not too hot - they don't need a coat in this weather as get hot from you.

Take him out for regular periods in the day. Babies sometimes want to be asleep after less than an hour of being awake for the day. So first nap after 30-45 mins (it gets longer as they get older).

I found a routine helped my grumpy screaming silent reflux babies. So up, first nap after 30-45 mins of awake time. Next nap after 60-90 mins of awake time.

My babies got massively overtired very very easily. Over stimulated very easily. So I ditched the toys, stopped using play gyms and let them watch the world instead. Much much better for them.

The screaming would sometimes come out of nowhere - hindsight told me they were either uncomfy or tired.

DD was a screamer, and is a fairly highly strung but very intelligent and well behaved nearly 4 year old now.

During the day she would only sleep in a moving car or moving pram. I lost stacks of weight but I was knackered, not only was I walking miles but I couldn't sleep while she slept.

If you can break the over tiredness that will help, can you face some trudging about with the pram, if he'll actually sleep in it?

In terms of getting in to a routine, we started by just doing one thing at the same time each day (a walk with the fucking pram as it happens), then other things gradually fell into place.

You have my sympathies, it's grim.

DD was just like this - what you'd see described as a textbook 'high needs' baby. Had an undiagnosed tongue tie snipped at 11 weeks which helped a little. But really the only way we all coped was getting a decent sling and co-sleeping, as there was not a chance she could be put down to sleep. Was a 'challenge' with 20 month old DS, too ..

Two main things I have found are that DD has to hold on to me or DH to sleep, ie face, arm or hair, hence why we use the sling or co-sleep, and that there is no such thing as over-stimulation in her case now. As long as she is engaged and has attention she seems happy. Suppose being a baby is quite frustrating ...

DD is now a year old and really those first 6 months are a blur. I remember that they were awful at the time but the reality has fuzzed out. We all got through it and have an amazingly spirited, demonstrative and engaging baby. I really hope things improve for you and you can find a way of coping with the hard bits whilst enjoying the good bits, knowing that it will get better.

Have you tried the cherry style dummies? My DD screamed from first thing on waking to about midnight most days, and would refuse a dummy, until we gave her the cherry style ones and we had our first ever evening of peace after that, it was amazing. Best of luck its so tough but you'll get through it

What are cherry style dummies?

I do take him out for walks and that's usually when he sleeps the most but if we are at home he will only sleep by being fed or rocked and any attempt to transfer him to the crib wakes him. At night he isn't too bad once he initially gets to sleep but it's that first getting to sleep that's difficult and he still gets up like clockwork every 2-3 hours for a feed. So much for the dropping of a night feed that I was told babies do at around 6 weeks!

Don't bother about transferring to the crib just yet.

And very lucky people get babies dropping night feeds at 6 weeks!

It's just the shape of the dummy bit itself. It's rounded rather than flat. Tommee tippee do a great one for under 6 months old. She would spit the flat ones out and carry on screaming. She loved the rounded ones and it really soothed her. I thought I was going to lose my mind!

I mean the bit they actually suck on

I suspect it's likely to be mostly overtiredness. There might be an underlying problem such as tongue tie or reflux but I'd rule out overtiredness first as it's so much more common especially at this age.

Here's what I did to "fix" DD's overtiredness at this age: Got as much daytime sleep as possible into her with pram walks. Long, long pram walks, for at least an hour, 3 times a day, or sometimes even more. And co slept (in fact DD slept on my chest...) so that she got as much sleep at night as possible. After a few days of looong pram walks she got much better. I know it's tough doing this when you are exhausted but honestly it will help. At 11 weeks a baby needs at least 15 hours sleep in total (night and day) so aim for that.

Oh yes and don't bother transferring to crib. That's how DD ended up so overtired, because I stupidly thought I "ought" to get her napping in crib. Wish I had just stuck with napping in the pram/in my arms.

Google Colic Calm. It's an American natural and herbal remedy with charcoal and other stuff which was totally amazing when DD2 had colic and nothing else worked. There's a UK supplier who is great at sending it out quickly. It basically makes them burp and fart all the excess air out!

Thanks, I'll google Colic Calm. Though I do think it's overtiredness too - today he's slept a total of about 2 hours and it should be at least twice that.

I've ended up co-sleeping out of sheer tiredness but now that he's getting bigger its getting to be a tight squeeze in the bed. Plus there's the SIDS risk that all HCPs hammer home to you. I've read up on safe cosleeping but then recently heard that an LSHTM study said that the risk of SIDS increases even if you do take safety measures. Seems I just can't win.

It's so wearying isn't it? It must make me a terrible mother to say this but I feel I can't even enjoy being around DS now. When DP takes him for walks I actually dread hearing them come back in the door as I know it's only a matter of time before the screaming starts.

Yes it is wearing, but it really wont last forever. I do know what you mean about dreading hearing them return. I think every parent must have felt that thought even if its a 6am cheerful cry of 'mummy, mummy, mummy' when you'd happily pay someone a significant sum to allow you to just have a few more minutes rest. It makes you human not a bad person - don't be hard on yourself, you've got your DS being quite hard enough on you without you adding to it!

You mention upthread about being concerned about taking your DS to classes because he might scream. He might not. Every parent there will have heard baby's cry before and if he screams the place down, will no doubt be full of sympathy and thinking thank goodness its not me this time. You might even meet some people who are going through the same month or three of hell that you are, or who've survived and are there with an angelic no.2 or 3 who's slept through from day1..

Whats the worst that happens? You do half a class and locate yourself by the door so you can exit if you need. If you're feeling more and more isolated by this could it be exacerbating the problem?

As long as you follow the safe sleeping guidelines I think it is actually safer to sleep with them.

If you are tying yourself up in knots about whether/not to put him in the bed with you, would it help to know that the vast majority (I'm guessing!) of breastfeeding mothers do this. They might lie about it to their HCPs but they do it. And probably the HCPs do it too. And anyone who doesn't do it likely ends up falling asleep sitting up with their baby on their chest at least once. So, you know.

Life might get a tiny bit easier if you just put him in the bed with you and do what you can do make it as safe as possible. It's unlikely you'll get that lovely deep slumber we all crave but at least you will get to rest so much more.

I think it's been said before but 11 weeks is such a hard stage of things - and oh boy do I remember that sinking feeling of a DH returning with a baby in a pram! IIRC I posted a very similar thread here when DD was around that age. Life felt really bleak, but it will get better soon.

Have you tried the cherry style dummies? My DD screamed from first thing on waking to about midnight most days, and would refuse a dummy, until we gave her the cherry style ones and we had our first ever evening of peace after that, it was amazing. Best of luck its so tough but you'll get through it

By some fluke DS managed spells of 4 and 3 hour sleeps in his crib but I'm not sure what we did to prompt that! I'm not holding my breath for a repeat performance tonight though...

Fantastic news. Now you know its not you and it can happen. It sort of helps relieve the pressure a little.

I'll cross my fingers for you this is the start of a new pattern of rest.

I spoke too soon as he's currently screaming and DP and I couldn't comfort him. My mum is now having some success calming him but god knows how I'll cope when she leaves :(

Op, my dd was much like this. Your ds is most likely high needs as others have suggested, but in our case, the screaming was down to a cows milk allergy, and other food allergies.
I eliminated dairy and eventually other things from my diet and she gradualky improved
Around 5% of babies have this and it is thought to be a cause of so called colic
I thought dd was high needs until i changed my diet and discovered she was actually very chilled. Her relentless screaming was down to pain and discomfort. Feeding was often frenzied. There are lots of other symptoms , kellymom and la leche league have some good info, sorry cant link.

Thanks, I'll look into that. I did mention it to the health visitor but she said (TMI alert!) that green and frothy poo was a sign of lactose intolerance and since DS's was normal he was probably ok. When you cut out dairy was it just obvious stuff like milk, cheese and yoghurt or did you scour ingredient labels for whey protein etc? Because I know dairy can appear when you least expect it!

Just wanted to say that my eldest was a screamer - also on his 91st centile, screamed every evening from 4pm for several hours etc.

At 13 weeks, it just stopped. 4pm came, no screaming...fell asleep at 7pm and only woke with a grumble for feeds.

I have no idea what happened, although he is a very intense, sensitive and physical child now (10 years), and I think he just hated being a baby.

Ugh, after a couple nights of longer sleep periods and only getting up twice for a feed DS has decided to wake every 90 mins. Two steps forward, two steps back :(

Haven't read while thing as dd falling asleep and I'm heading back over myself (fingers crossed) but have you tried a sling? It's supposed to be good for reflux and the movement helps bring up wind. Most babies find it comforting, plus your arms will get a break. I recommend a moby- maybe see if you have a sling library nearby before investing in one x

Also, baby massage and bowen therapy might be worth looking into. Massage calms my dd ( but she's not high needs.) and I know certain strokes are supposed to help reflux. Bowen therapy is just something I came across during pregnancy.

Finally, have his hips been checked? My cousin used to scream a lot and it turned out she had hip dysphasia and it wasn't picked up til she was walking :(

My daughter was just like this, in fact you could be describing her first six months. We went through hell and I totally feel for you. Having a high needs baby (whatever the cause) is the toughest thing most people will ever have to cope with and you tie yourself in knots mentally and emotionally.

My daughter actually had silent reflux and cows milk protein allergy; I'd considered both and dismissed them because she only had some symptoms but I was wrong. She fed frequently to calm the reflux and gained weight well, with normal nappies. Feeding was tough though as she fussed and could be frantic.

I second the suggestions of using a sling and insisting that the GP at least trial something for reflux. I actually think you GP's comments are horrific, but that's another issue.